W5 PLAYER CYOA - Daigo, Eupha, Saber, Wisadel

[holyspirits]

fist fist fist fist

Comments

[ugghh]

Shit, we're going to need more backup.

[ what's satan to a god? here's hoping that kiryu-san can help even the score further yippee. summon: essence of "stop that" ]

[trifocal]

[ everyone is so cool.

bullets fly at eupha, but she types faster than a speeding bullet, mashing keys with lightning-fast speed, deleting bullets from reality before they can reach her or her allies. unless you want to get shot. then she can miss some. ]

[rippled]

[ saber and basilio are soooo cool. they're so super cool and everyone claps.

they will then proceed to just punching the hell out of all the demons that cross their path. no one can escape kung fury's fists!! they send an appreciative nod to eupha for being so cool with her hacker skill. everyone clap for her again. ]

[boxcar]

[ Uh, fucking yikes. Satan (Guy Fieri) continues to fire into you guys until he's out of bullets, clicking the trigger but he's Out, Man. ]

Eep. Alright, alright, damn! You guys really don't want to party!

[ He gets the message! That being said, he IS Satan Incarnate, and he won't go down that easy. ]

Let's make a deal. You've shown you can out-shoot me, you can bring the heat. But can you out-party me? Beat me in that game fair and square, and we'll keep the noise down and out of your Donk City. Fair stuff?

[ He gestures to his table, where there are suddenly many drinks. ]

[sarkazm]

What, that's all? No sweat.

[we're all completely legal, riiiight. right eupha.]

[ugghh]

What happens if we don't beat you?

[ what are they agreeing to... ? ]

[trifocal]

[ legal in eht ria, so yeah! ]

I hope that you do not underestimate us.

[rippled]

[ eupha is also legal in superhell so it's fine ]

Do not worry, there is no way we can lose. I have never lost a match.

[ in.... drinking.... ??? ]

[boxcar]

Then me and my party demons take over Donk City. Duh.

You out-drink me, we pull back and find another shack to hit up. I out-drink all four of you, and all humanity gets assimilated into a neverending rager.

[ All these demons are so conked out groaning in the background from the absolute onslaught of bullets, dinosaurs, and more. You very weakly hear a 'Fuck you...' followed by a cough somewhere in the crowd. ]

[sarkazm]

Fine, then. You're on.

[

at least in part because she's pretty sure from the looks of his party demon army that they can just clean up here even if they lose.]

[ugghh]

Fair enough.

[ yeah this'll be e z ]

[trifocal]

I accept your challenge.

[ very confidently despite being a lightweight. ]

[rippled]

[ they dramatically point at satan. ]

Let the battle commence!

[boxcar]

[ Guy Fieri does another sick guitar riff that despite how his hand motions are not correct, sounds fucking incredible. This is your bg music for the rest of the night. ]

Alright! Let's party!

[ I guess you can choose from the Superhell drinks if you really wanted to but we can keep it simple here today by keeping it within the drinks you can find in Turboheaven. Which is as follows:

1. Halo There
(A lightly-flavored malt with just enough alcohol to feel saucy.)
You firmly believe in your Christian values and a life free of sin.

2. Bite to Meet You
(A vodka-tomato juice blend that's as hearty as it is spicy)
You feel compelled to bite anyone in your vicinity.

3. Don't Wig Out
(Why does this taste like something your father would drink after a long day?)
You become bald.

4. Hipster's Paradise
(Oh, you think it tastes like lavender? We were into lavender before it became popular.)
You grow an extremely bushy mustache.

5. All Bark, No Bite
(A fizzy pear cider that seems pretty mild at first taste.)
You can't shut up and believe you're an expert in whatever you're talking about.

6. Inner Piece
(You're not quite sure what the flavor is, but it all fits together.)
You become obsessed with puzzles.

7. It's Not Easy Being Green
(OH GOD IT'S LIME.)
Are you a man or are you a muppet? Easy question. Muppet.

8. The Angel From My Nightmare
(Tastes just like black licorice.)
The Christian Cake of Satanism. You feel compelled to sin.

9. The Rainbow Connection
(Best described as liquified Skittles.)
You cough up flowers that represent your hidden emotions. Bleh!

10. 53% Effect
(A stiff beer to put hair on your chest (not literally.))
The spirit of the top compels you... You're an alpha now...

11. Sharing is Caring
(Your favorite flavor.)
You feel compelled to consume cursed food and drinks.

12. Would You Still Love me?
(Sorta like dirt.)
Become worm.

They can do three rounds of drinks that's purely a contest of roles. Yes you can cheat if you want to by making your summons take a shot for you. Maybe you want to invite The True Hacker too? He's feeling... left out... ]

[sarkazm]

[rngs for inner piece and also rolls a 16...

SLAMMING this shot. fuck you satan. come at her.]

[ugghh]

[ i'm not rolling because he needs a sharing is caring to even indulge in this.

despite being his favorite flavor, he still has to choke it down for some reason. i have no idea how to interpret this 6. ]

[trifocal]

Allow me to do one thing first.

[ she focuses on her third eye, mashes the keyboard, and hacks the lightwaves... creating funky disco lights that come out of nowhere and charge up the party atmosphere in here. they pulse to the beat. wow.

then, she opens another funky portal to allow our friends from other dimensions to join us. who, when everyone we know is already here? idk. THE TRUE HACKER, for one. maybe that walking arcade machine. this is an excuse for us to godmod anybody into just Being Here.

that's actually two things she just did but it would be rude to point that out.

anyway she is slamming back a 53% Effect with a roll of 15. ]

[rippled]

[ rolls a 12 and has no idea what to do with this one

becomes a worm but they still keep drinking ]

[boxcar]

[ Wis'adel challenges him in the first round to shotgun some Inner Piece! She downs it and manages to outpower him, 16 v 4. Guy Fieri is now obsessed with puzzles. If you threw him one right now, maybe he will be too distracted trying to solve it to stop you.

Daigo downs some Sharing is Caring! Guy Fieri is going strong, matching him toe-to-toe with a 6 v 6! You both kind of suck at trying to drink this down for whatever reason, even though it's your favourite flavour. Maybe it's that thing they say, that you can have too much of a good thing... but the night is still young, and many cursed drinks and foodstuffs to enjoy.

Euphausia hones in on the matrix and opens her CMD, taking over Guy Fieri's joint and upgrading it from the Downtown Flavourtown to the Uptown Funkytown. The disco lights are on-time, on-beat, and flash in every colour conceivable to shrimpkind. That's a lot of colours! She also opens up a funky portal and in comes more guests. THE TRUE HACKER, who waves with his cool N*ntendo Power-Glove. ]

Whoa hey! What a bash! Looks like we've got room for me!

[ Alongside him comes an arcade machine, who notably does a middle finger and shoots a laser right at Guy Fieri and explodes his drink in his hand. That's the one that would've been a 20, but it's gone now. Satan is having way too much of a good time to care though because the VIBE IS ROLLING UP, and he just picks up a second glass of 53% Effect to down instead for a 15 v 8. I DON'T KNOW that Guy Fieri becoming alpha is a positive though. That might be a negative if anything.

It doesn't do anything for him because he goes head-to-head against Saber in slamming back a shot of Would You Still Love Me? and it is an absolute disaster. He spills the entire thing on himself. He's rolled a 1.

It's kind of starting to look like maybe Satan doesn't know how to throw a party at all, and actually, possibly, simply sucks ass at it. Is that OK? Round 1 goes to the Kung Fury Squad. ]

[sarkazm]

Oh, shit, hey nerd.

[THE TRUE HACKER... YEAAA... she immediately vibes with this machine also.

to satan, though:]

We told you that you'd be going down!

[IS SATAN A FUCKING WORM NOW?

anyway she's grabbing a halo there shot for the next round because wouldn't it be funny to make satan christian and sinless? that's a 14 though so we'll see.]

[ugghh]

[ i had the same thought as teej. fuck. thank god i didn't get it though MY ROLLS!!! MY ROLLS!!!!

i rolled an 11 for the rainbow connection. who knows what'll happen. ]

[trifocal]

[ eupha's next drink is Bite to Meet You! i rolled a 16 so maybe her fortitude is bolstened by the supportive presences of THE TRUE HACKER and the arcade machine and somewhere between 1 and 10000 rats. unless satan beats her and then i guess the pressure becomes too much.

whatever the result, in preparation for the final round, she takes a moment to hack the soundwaves around them, filling the air with funky 80s mixes of our character theme songs. if you didn't have one, you have one now and it is a jam. ]

[rippled]

[ saber, still a worm, drinks the alpha drink!!!



but as they are simply a worm, they roll an 8 for this, which does make sense for someone who is an alpha worm. it tracks. ]

[boxcar]

It's not over yet!

[ He says, even as he becomes a puzzle-obsessed alpha worm. But y'all know what's going on. His next few rolls continue to suck ass. Wis'adel drinks him under the table for a Halo There shot contest, via a 14 v 4. He just starts crying. There's so much evil in the world... that's why he tries to party, to forget all of it... but understandable. He's learning his lesson. Maybe this contest really is the turning point of his life, and he will proceed forward from this day onwards to live an afterlife free of sin...

Who DOES know what'll happen. Not me. The worm starts coughing up little flower petals that are neon-coloured and have radical 80's patterns, representing his need and desire for a fun time. They're worm-sized. Would you rather fight 100 woerm-sized Guy Fieris, or one Guy Fieri-sized woerm? That's the debate for the day. Daigo wins this round too with a 7 v 11. Frankly at this point, this is just a sequence of you guys just bullying Satan into the ground because he is not winning at all.

The same goes for Eupha turning it up. Frankly, she should take the seat, because she clearly knows how a REAL party is supposed to go. She knocks back a Bite To Meet You with better gusto than Satan...

WHO IMMEDIATELY GOES AND BITES SABER!!! Enjoy your worm-shaped bitemark on your arm. Then it just DUNKS ITS FACE RIGHT INTO THE BIG GLASS OF ALPHA DRINK. Saber is feeling awfully not so alpha right around now. He DOES outdrink this one specifically, perhaps bolstered by the raving synth lights and music, alpha drink from earlier, and feeling compelled to bite. Maybe you just start feeling the opposite effect instead. Slightly omega.

Second round still goes to the Kung Fury Squad though. For all intents and purposes you've basically won, but maybe you want a victory lap as Satan lies on the table, sufficiently outdrank. ]

Ugggh... if you've think you've won...

[ I think you should hit him with the train. ]

[sarkazm]

Huh. You know what, you're right!

I think we can still win harder.

[BELIEVE ME I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HIT HIS ASS WITH THIS TRAIN!!!

wiš'adel doesn't bother grabbing one of the special shots. she's just whipping out that train pass to see what happens! let's fucking go! i cast TRAIN on this worm.

her dinos are probably still around, so i think it would be pretty cool and sexy if they were also riding on the train screaming victorious dinosaur noises.]