Audience - Shadowheart

[holyspirits]

Comments

[sacredpath]

...I don't know. Perhaps it will.

[holyspirits]

If you do think of something that would make you feel more at ease, let me know. But I won't ask you to let your guard down right away. It's hard to break free of that kind of programming.

You're safe here—but it is a lot to take in.

[sacredpath]

But I still...

The shape of my halo. The wound on my hand. My - my memories still aren't clear. Lady Shar still has power over me. And if that's true, I'm not sure you can really claim that I'm safe.

[holyspirits]

I... don't know much about you, yet. What do you mean?

What's wrong with your memories? Who is Lady Shar, and what happened to your hand?

[ good thing they are not shy about asking blunt questions. ]

[sacredpath]

The goddess I follow. And the wound is - it's a bond between myself and Lady Shar, and I still feel it even here.

[holyspirits]

Perhaps the connection isn't severed yet, since you still haven't earned a permanent residence in Heaven. You still have the opportunity to return to life, so your tethers to it remain.

[ concerning, though. ]

This puts you in danger?

[sacredpath]

[it's also just that it's not actually caused by what she thinks it is.]

...Well. I thought I was here because I was out of chances with her. But I don't know that for sure.

[holyspirits]

[ listen. ramiel don't know no better either. ]

Would you want more chances with her? Or for that bond to be severed?

[sacredpath]

[that's a really good question.]

...I don't know.

[holyspirits]

That's something to reflect on during your time here, then.

[ hmm. ]

Tell me about Lady Shar.

[sacredpath]

[she will just get out her mental literature.]

She is the goddess of the night, of darkness, of loss. For that reason, most shun her, fear her. But we don't fear the dark. We know it, and prefer it to the falsehoods others offer. Pain and hope alike are only illusions. In the darkness, in emptiness, we are our true selves.

[holyspirits]

[ well that sounds bleak but okay! ]

... Loss is an important part of the human experience, I suppose. I can understand a faith that doesn't want to shy away from it.

Then does reaching an afterlife of comfort go against those teachings? Had you hoped for emptiness instead?

[sacredpath]

I didn't hope to die at all.

[frowning, because. yeah.]

The goal is to embrace loss, to learn to accept it. But I was still an acolyte. I still sometimes struggle with all of it. If I'd had more time, it would be easier to answer you and agree.

[holyspirits]

I see... So you worry that you hadn't fully embraced Lady Shar's teachings. You had hesitations, whether you wanted to have them or not.

What does it mean to accept loss? Does it mean to not grieve? To not care? I'm not sure that I understand that part.

[sacredpath]

It does. All of those things are only distractions from her perfect darkness. To truly embrace her is to move beyond such things. I've never been able to get all the way there.

[holyspirits]

The goal is an escape from pain.

[ they have. thoughts. ]

But knowing how it feels to lose people they love helps them to care for the ones they have left. And to appreciate the time they still have together. People's love for each other is what makes them—function.

Without those kinds of emotions, their humanity would break down and deteriorate.

[sacredpath]

Perhaps that's what you believe. Or what you've been taught. People's love for one another is often more prison than true support. How often is the thing that holds someone back from pursuing what is truly right their concern for the fate of a loved one? How many people live unsatisfying lives because they're afraid of being alone?

[holyspirits]

[ they mull that over. ]

It is a restriction, in a way. Loving someone without control over it. But that's something you could dig into forever. Everyone is created with their own set of genetic code determined by their parents that will set some form of guidelines for their life. Just like they're born into circumstances or with physical features outside of their control.

And yet, they can still make their own decisions. People can still prioritize what's right over the fate of a loved one.

[sacredpath]

They can. And sometimes they do. Just as someone who collects wealth can choose to give it away, and sometimes they do.

But in service to Shar, we are asked to refrain from the things that might lead to temptation.

[holyspirits]

I suppose I don't see the point in denying yourself indulgences all together. Moderation makes sense, depending on the indulgence...

But there are many temptations that are harmless to give in to, and would only bring you happiness. I don't see why anyone would want to live a life without happiness.

[sacredpath]

I don't know. Happiness is just an emotion. It's fleeting. I don't know that I care so much about happiness.

[but in saying this, she seems more sincere, less like she's trying to convince someone else.]

[holyspirits]

[ hmm. ]

As I see it, it's a matter of needing contrast. You need to have both happiness and sadness. Without sadness, there's nothing to compare happiness to. It turns to boredom. It has to be fleeting, or else it would become the new baseline and cease to really exist.

[sacredpath]

I don't disagree, really. But the emptiness you call boredom is exactly what we're chasing. Nothing does mean anything, so why pretend?

[holyspirits]

Boredom leads to stagnation. Then eventual collapse.

Deciding that nothing means anything is a little bit different from nothing objectively meaning anything. It's self reinforced determinism.

[ ... to be polite: ] I think.

[sacredpath]

[yeah, this is all getting a little deep for her, a brainwashed cult member who just knows what she's supposed to think.]

Even so, if there is meaning to all of it, it's a mystery to me.