I struggle with doubts that are slightly different than the desire to hold onto my possessions. There are - let me give you an example, one that troubles me.
There was a group of refugees. They left a city that fell into the hells. They traveled across a dangerous road, and many of them were robbed and killed along the way. They took shelter amongst druids who hated their kind and sought to drive them out, and were stalked by a band of goblins who sought to slaughter them. At every turn, some of them died, while others were fortunate enough to be spared due to the efforts of others who pitied them. They continued through treacherous lands, not knowing that journeying through these lands would subject them to a shadow curse, which would surely sicken and kill each and every one of them. And they were ambushed on these roads, their leaders captured, and many more killed. But once again, the bedraggled survivors were fortunate. A woman, a holy woman of the goddess Selûne, sheltered them. Day and night, she burned her magic and wore ought her body to cast a sanctuary spell powerful enough to shield to keep them safe from the shadows long enough that they might once more continue their journey.
And where is that journey headed? To a city that they all speak of with hope, a place they will finally have safety and a future. Little do they know that the city is filled with robbers and murderers, and most denizens of that city despise their kind.
So, isn't that holy woman, in all of her kindness and sacrifice, merely prolonging the suffering of people who at each turn have proven helpless to protect themselves? Unlike fickle Selûne, we Sharrans do not cling to comforting lies and false hopes. We recognize that loss can be a kindness. To stop struggling, to succumb to what is inevitable. The shadow curse would have been a peaceful end.
I see the wisdom and logic of this, but I have always been given to sentimentality all the same. I wanted them to make it.
[ ramiel is prone to blurting out whatever they're thinking, in most cases, but they do listen to all of this quietly, and then sit with their thoughts for a moment before speaking. ]
Whether it would be a kindness to let them pass or would only extend their pain is something up to each person. Someone outside of the story will never be able to reach a conclusion on what was right for them. Even myself.
But in the moment, even in hardship, even when thinking and saying that they don't anymore... Most people want to live. If they had no will to live, I don't think they would have survived everything else they went through. It is better not to give people false hope if you know what lies ahead, but if you don't—then it is a kindness to keep people going.
I think that the gamble for a better life is worth taking. No one knows the future until they're there, after all.
But it's normal for any community to have some rules, if you wish to be a part of it. And the expectation that you be kind, the trust that you won't harm others, are very simple.
They have more to do with how you treat others than what you believe, or believe about yourself.
And yet, there's a difference between a community having rules everyone has to abide by and an evaluation. We're not being told to get along and not make waves, we're being told to demonstrate some sort of quality and be judged for it or found lacking.
Well, yes. The requirements of my evaluations were harsh.
I guess what I don't know about is deciding not to define myself by what I was taught by the Sharrans, but having to follow someone else's code of conduct. That's all.
It's confusing to be dropped into a set of expectations before you have a chance to form your own opinions about them, or the one enacting them. [ but unfortunately they just kind of finish that thought with a shrug. it is what it is... ]
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I struggle with doubts that are slightly different than the desire to hold onto my possessions. There are - let me give you an example, one that troubles me.
There was a group of refugees. They left a city that fell into the hells. They traveled across a dangerous road, and many of them were robbed and killed along the way. They took shelter amongst druids who hated their kind and sought to drive them out, and were stalked by a band of goblins who sought to slaughter them. At every turn, some of them died, while others were fortunate enough to be spared due to the efforts of others who pitied them. They continued through treacherous lands, not knowing that journeying through these lands would subject them to a shadow curse, which would surely sicken and kill each and every one of them. And they were ambushed on these roads, their leaders captured, and many more killed. But once again, the bedraggled survivors were fortunate. A woman, a holy woman of the goddess Selûne, sheltered them. Day and night, she burned her magic and wore ought her body to cast a sanctuary spell powerful enough to shield to keep them safe from the shadows long enough that they might once more continue their journey.
And where is that journey headed? To a city that they all speak of with hope, a place they will finally have safety and a future. Little do they know that the city is filled with robbers and murderers, and most denizens of that city despise their kind.
So, isn't that holy woman, in all of her kindness and sacrifice, merely prolonging the suffering of people who at each turn have proven helpless to protect themselves? Unlike fickle Selûne, we Sharrans do not cling to comforting lies and false hopes. We recognize that loss can be a kindness. To stop struggling, to succumb to what is inevitable. The shadow curse would have been a peaceful end.
I see the wisdom and logic of this, but I have always been given to sentimentality all the same. I wanted them to make it.
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Whether it would be a kindness to let them pass or would only extend their pain is something up to each person. Someone outside of the story will never be able to reach a conclusion on what was right for them. Even myself.
But in the moment, even in hardship, even when thinking and saying that they don't anymore... Most people want to live. If they had no will to live, I don't think they would have survived everything else they went through. It is better not to give people false hope if you know what lies ahead, but if you don't—then it is a kindness to keep people going.
I think that the gamble for a better life is worth taking. No one knows the future until they're there, after all.
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[it makes some sense, and it does speak to her a little.]
But that's not what I'm meant to believe.
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We present you with options. What we can offer, and what it takes to get it. You still decide whether you think that's worth it.
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But it's normal for any community to have some rules, if you wish to be a part of it. And the expectation that you be kind, the trust that you won't harm others, are very simple.
They have more to do with how you treat others than what you believe, or believe about yourself.
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Life was full of the same kinds of evaluations. I would even say that their requirements were harsher.
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I guess what I don't know about is deciding not to define myself by what I was taught by the Sharrans, but having to follow someone else's code of conduct. That's all.
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It's confusing to be dropped into a set of expectations before you have a chance to form your own opinions about them, or the one enacting them. [ but unfortunately they just kind of finish that thought with a shrug. it is what it is... ]
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[including that she knows it's not like she can really protest, if she wants a chance to go back, she doesn't have much choice to go along.]
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But I think that you'll figure it out.
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[frees you from week 0]