[ this makes sense. some of her friends are like this. sometimes you must simply bitch.
anyway, the question does not surprise her but there is the tiniest flare of discomfort in her emotions even if she keeps her face calm. ]
... yes, but I don't really understand how. [ then again, by now she knows that the group from the week before went through something related to shadowheart herself, but she's not bringing that up unless she does. ] What they described to me was something similar to events that happened a few months ago.
Yeah. It wasn't pleasant to hear it back from those four when there were things I hadn't said, but mostly because I didn't want them to have to go through it.
[ but oh. there's some relief when she mentions it first. ]
Saber told me a little about it. Nothing in great detail because they respected they were your memories, but I did guess a few things. [ about the nightsong mostly, based on what shadowheart told her. there's a pause then. ] ... was it difficult for you, too? Knowing it happened to them.
Yeah. [ there's a dip in her mood because we really let this happen to sweet koharu. ] It's one thing when you're living it and you know what you might expect. You can prepare for these things. It's another though when it's someone else and there's no warning and no time.
It's like I said to Yves. It's not necessarily that I might him knowing. It's that I wish it was stuff I was able to tell him myself instead of something else dictating it.
I didn't tell them. Wis'adel made the connection, but otherwise, I thought I'd just not say. Only when all of the memories were being shared, it quickly became obvious, so they all know by now.
So they were a bit cross about that! [it was rude...]
I didn't own up to it either. Yves told me first with a text, and the only reason I knew he wasn't making it up because he used my actual name. [ so. it's a little hard to discount that. ] ... I did recognize the car they came out in, and I thought it was a coincidence, but there was no getting around that. I hadn't told any of them everything that happened at home for a reason, so to explain it backwards was... strange.
I can see why they might have been upset with you, but I also know exactly why you would rather not say.
It's bad enough to share it, but to have them live some version of it warped specifically to torment them, piece through the parts that are real and that aren't...
That's the part that bothers me a lot. [ and she's big mad about it. ] Jiaoqiu told me he saw someone important to him... she hurt him pretty badly, and I don't like knowing it was because of some fabrication of my own memories. I don't want him to have a poor association with her, even if it doesn't last long. Their own memories shouldn't be tainted by these new experiences.
[ because real or not, they did have to go through them. ]
In mine, they were being made to hurt and torture people who they didn't recognize, but who were actually important people to them. And I have no idea if that's something that actually happened to me, or some fabricated nightmare.
[so that's fucking fun.]
But I'm sure Jiaoqiu knows better than most how to piece through what he's feeling and what's actually true. He'll be alright.
[ this actually sounds worse so she's still just frowning at her. ]
I don't suppose hearing about it from any of them provided any sort of clarity at all, did it? That would be too lucky. [ even the smallest hint of anything. ] I'm sorry. That must be difficult for you, especially, when it's so unclear what was the fault of the influence and what was your own suppressed memories.
... I know you're right. Of course you are. But I'm still worried about some of you being more hurt than you're willing to admit. Maybe that's just me and something I need to work on trusting you all more.
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It's whimsical. I'm not fond of whimsical. But I'm only just complaining.
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It does, sometimes. [a smile.] Anyway, may I ask you something? Last week, the group that went somewhere else...did it have to do with you?
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anyway, the question does not surprise her but there is the tiniest flare of discomfort in her emotions even if she keeps her face calm. ]
... yes, but I don't really understand how. [ then again, by now she knows that the group from the week before went through something related to shadowheart herself, but she's not bringing that up unless she does. ] What they described to me was something similar to events that happened a few months ago.
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[so she'd been curious. she doesn't want to push her too much to talk about it, but she will bring it up.]
You know what happened to Wis'adel and the others was drawn from my memories.
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[ but oh. there's some relief when she mentions it first. ]
Saber told me a little about it. Nothing in great detail because they respected they were your memories, but I did guess a few things. [ about the nightsong mostly, based on what shadowheart told her. there's a pause then. ] ... was it difficult for you, too? Knowing it happened to them.
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I hated it. It's invasive, and then on top of that, for it to be Koharu...
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It's like I said to Yves. It's not necessarily that I might him knowing. It's that I wish it was stuff I was able to tell him myself instead of something else dictating it.
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I wish you had gotten to as well. [the group of people who went are all very kind and will be thoughtful about her feelings about it, but...]
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... they aren't treating you any differently now, are they? [ negatively, she means. ]
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[well.]
I didn't tell them. Wis'adel made the connection, but otherwise, I thought I'd just not say. Only when all of the memories were being shared, it quickly became obvious, so they all know by now.
So they were a bit cross about that! [it was rude...]
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I didn't own up to it either. Yves told me first with a text, and the only reason I knew he wasn't making it up because he used my actual name. [ so. it's a little hard to discount that. ] ... I did recognize the car they came out in, and I thought it was a coincidence, but there was no getting around that. I hadn't told any of them everything that happened at home for a reason, so to explain it backwards was... strange.
I can see why they might have been upset with you, but I also know exactly why you would rather not say.
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It's bad enough to share it, but to have them live some version of it warped specifically to torment them, piece through the parts that are real and that aren't...
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[ because real or not, they did have to go through them. ]
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[so that's fucking fun.]
But I'm sure Jiaoqiu knows better than most how to piece through what he's feeling and what's actually true. He'll be alright.
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I don't suppose hearing about it from any of them provided any sort of clarity at all, did it? That would be too lucky. [ even the smallest hint of anything. ] I'm sorry. That must be difficult for you, especially, when it's so unclear what was the fault of the influence and what was your own suppressed memories.
... I know you're right. Of course you are. But I'm still worried about some of you being more hurt than you're willing to admit. Maybe that's just me and something I need to work on trusting you all more.