Yeah. [ there's a dip in her mood because we really let this happen to sweet koharu. ] It's one thing when you're living it and you know what you might expect. You can prepare for these things. It's another though when it's someone else and there's no warning and no time.
It's like I said to Yves. It's not necessarily that I might him knowing. It's that I wish it was stuff I was able to tell him myself instead of something else dictating it.
I didn't tell them. Wis'adel made the connection, but otherwise, I thought I'd just not say. Only when all of the memories were being shared, it quickly became obvious, so they all know by now.
So they were a bit cross about that! [it was rude...]
I didn't own up to it either. Yves told me first with a text, and the only reason I knew he wasn't making it up because he used my actual name. [ so. it's a little hard to discount that. ] ... I did recognize the car they came out in, and I thought it was a coincidence, but there was no getting around that. I hadn't told any of them everything that happened at home for a reason, so to explain it backwards was... strange.
I can see why they might have been upset with you, but I also know exactly why you would rather not say.
It's bad enough to share it, but to have them live some version of it warped specifically to torment them, piece through the parts that are real and that aren't...
That's the part that bothers me a lot. [ and she's big mad about it. ] Jiaoqiu told me he saw someone important to him... she hurt him pretty badly, and I don't like knowing it was because of some fabrication of my own memories. I don't want him to have a poor association with her, even if it doesn't last long. Their own memories shouldn't be tainted by these new experiences.
[ because real or not, they did have to go through them. ]
In mine, they were being made to hurt and torture people who they didn't recognize, but who were actually important people to them. And I have no idea if that's something that actually happened to me, or some fabricated nightmare.
[so that's fucking fun.]
But I'm sure Jiaoqiu knows better than most how to piece through what he's feeling and what's actually true. He'll be alright.
[ this actually sounds worse so she's still just frowning at her. ]
I don't suppose hearing about it from any of them provided any sort of clarity at all, did it? That would be too lucky. [ even the smallest hint of anything. ] I'm sorry. That must be difficult for you, especially, when it's so unclear what was the fault of the influence and what was your own suppressed memories.
... I know you're right. Of course you are. But I'm still worried about some of you being more hurt than you're willing to admit. Maybe that's just me and something I need to work on trusting you all more.
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I hated it. It's invasive, and then on top of that, for it to be Koharu...
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It's like I said to Yves. It's not necessarily that I might him knowing. It's that I wish it was stuff I was able to tell him myself instead of something else dictating it.
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I wish you had gotten to as well. [the group of people who went are all very kind and will be thoughtful about her feelings about it, but...]
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... they aren't treating you any differently now, are they? [ negatively, she means. ]
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[well.]
I didn't tell them. Wis'adel made the connection, but otherwise, I thought I'd just not say. Only when all of the memories were being shared, it quickly became obvious, so they all know by now.
So they were a bit cross about that! [it was rude...]
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I didn't own up to it either. Yves told me first with a text, and the only reason I knew he wasn't making it up because he used my actual name. [ so. it's a little hard to discount that. ] ... I did recognize the car they came out in, and I thought it was a coincidence, but there was no getting around that. I hadn't told any of them everything that happened at home for a reason, so to explain it backwards was... strange.
I can see why they might have been upset with you, but I also know exactly why you would rather not say.
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It's bad enough to share it, but to have them live some version of it warped specifically to torment them, piece through the parts that are real and that aren't...
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[ because real or not, they did have to go through them. ]
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[so that's fucking fun.]
But I'm sure Jiaoqiu knows better than most how to piece through what he's feeling and what's actually true. He'll be alright.
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I don't suppose hearing about it from any of them provided any sort of clarity at all, did it? That would be too lucky. [ even the smallest hint of anything. ] I'm sorry. That must be difficult for you, especially, when it's so unclear what was the fault of the influence and what was your own suppressed memories.
... I know you're right. Of course you are. But I'm still worried about some of you being more hurt than you're willing to admit. Maybe that's just me and something I need to work on trusting you all more.