Zaun's poor living conditions likely contributed to my own terminal illness, and perhaps even the bad leg I was born with. So I understood their suffering. I wanted to change their futures.
[ sounds like a request someone with emotions would make. ]
I hope that Heaven finds you in better health. [ because like logically it should but also we let everyone show up with whatever injuries they wanted to keep so i guess it doesn't. luck of the draw??? ] And I hope that the future you gave them carries them for a long time, now that you're here.
[ they haven't watched arcane................. they don't know.......... ]
[He isn't sure what else to say to that sort of knowledge. He should be grateful to have lived at all, doing what he could, creating. But it feels unfinished. He glances away, lips thin.]
[ they start to tuck the papers they had been looking at back into their folders, nice and tidy. ]
You've been selfless for some time. It isn't a bad trait—not one that you should give up.
But now that you're here, you may want to think more about what you would like for yourself. Once our transportation is fixed and we're able to get back to the rest of Heaven, we can work on getting you settled into your afterlife properly.
[ they just assume he's super dead for real and also that he qualifies for heaven even though he said the arcane may have sent him here and he is kind of a cult leader. ]
[ HMMMM fear. but lailah doesn't know so they will take any papers offered and make sure they're all in the right place. yay! organizing! ]
No one knows what to expect when they pass on. Even the people who believe in God and Heaven—we all have our own ideas of what it will be. And sometimes we're a little right and sometimes we're a little wrong.
If helping others is what brings you happiness, that will still be something you can do. It might just take a new shape.
Well, he is not helping the people who he really wants to help, and that is both frustrating and depressing. He frowns into the distance - thoughtful, not unhinged and hallucinating.]
I want to help, yes. But I wanted to help the people who are still alive. Who... have a chance, have a life.
That's close, but not exactly. The group on the other side have passed away in their lives. Think of this as their screening process for permanent residence in Heaven. It's just that... they could have a second chance, if they would prefer.
But that is a gift, offered by the grace of God. It doesn't mean that they're alive right now.
[He wants to ask what of the people who did not get that chance, but...... change has to start somewhere? Plenty of people from the Undercity are dead, and they did not have the chance to run into his own bizarre grace.]
And you... are alright with... God?
[This one. The... God. Anyway, it's very hard for him to talk about this because he absolutely did not believe in God before. Now? Damn.]
[ they do think it's unfortunate, but to make the change retroactive would be... perhaps impossible, even for god. the best time you can do something good is yesterday. the second-best time is now, after all! ]
Faith has always given me strength. Knowing that an unconditional love and forgiveness exists in the world makes every day lighter and easier, and being a member of the Sisterhood has allowed me to help so many people, despite my own shortcomings.
[He is debating how to take this; the absolute bonkers difficulty in being a secular man now imbued with something that could, honestly, be labeled as a kind of divinity...... Many people thought he was a god.]
[He watches them for a long, searching moment (even if he can't see shit of them).]
Have you ever been terminally ill? Have you ever lost someone important to you? Have you ever tried and failed?
[He does not ask these rudely, as if he is saying they haven't and he has, but more genuinely. Have they experienced these soul-crushing things and still continued to have faith in something so intangible?]
Failure is something everyone experiences. There are a lot of things I'm not very good at, and I'm prone to clumsiness and mistakes...
But I'm fortunate enough to have my health and my community. That's exactly why it's so important that I spend my time sharing the ways that I've been blessed and helping others less fortunate.
He wonders if, looking over the edge of an aqueduct, they've ever had ideations of flinging themself off. Because why would God stay silent when you needed Them the most during the darkest times? It's easy to be angry at God when you're struggling to forgive yourself for mistakes made in weakness.
[ "you seem really nice, are you suicidal by any chance?" ]
Thank you.
We can't exactly say the same for you, but... That's less to do with you and more to do with the nature of your arrival. I can tell that you have a good heart.
[ he's so caring about helping people! with his emotions! his caring emotions!! ]
I don't know much about the magic in other worlds. There is no magic, where I'm from. [ thoughtful. ] Do you trust the arcane? It changed your friend, but it guided you in a way that you believe in.
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Zaun's poor living conditions likely contributed to my own terminal illness, and perhaps even the bad leg I was born with. So I understood their suffering. I wanted to change their futures.
Give them futures.
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I hope that Heaven finds you in better health. [ because like logically it should but also we let everyone show up with whatever injuries they wanted to keep so i guess it doesn't. luck of the draw??? ] And I hope that the future you gave them carries them for a long time, now that you're here.
[ they haven't watched arcane................. they don't know.......... ]
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[Damn, they need to watch Arcane badly.]
...Thank you.
[He isn't sure what else to say to that sort of knowledge. He should be grateful to have lived at all, doing what he could, creating. But it feels unfinished. He glances away, lips thin.]
I hope so, too.
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You've been selfless for some time. It isn't a bad trait—not one that you should give up.
But now that you're here, you may want to think more about what you would like for yourself. Once our transportation is fixed and we're able to get back to the rest of Heaven, we can work on getting you settled into your afterlife properly.
[ they just assume he's super dead for real and also that he qualifies for heaven even though he said the arcane may have sent him here and he is kind of a cult leader. ]
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He idly looks over the papers being sorted, maybe hands them a few.]
I'm not sure. I never imagined I would have to decided something like that.
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No one knows what to expect when they pass on. Even the people who believe in God and Heaven—we all have our own ideas of what it will be. And sometimes we're a little right and sometimes we're a little wrong.
If helping others is what brings you happiness, that will still be something you can do. It might just take a new shape.
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Well, he is not helping the people who he really wants to help, and that is both frustrating and depressing. He frowns into the distance - thoughtful, not unhinged and hallucinating.]
I want to help, yes. But I wanted to help the people who are still alive. Who... have a chance, have a life.
That is what is happening here, correct?
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That's close, but not exactly. The group on the other side have passed away in their lives. Think of this as their screening process for permanent residence in Heaven. It's just that... they could have a second chance, if they would prefer.
But that is a gift, offered by the grace of God. It doesn't mean that they're alive right now.
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I understand that. [People die when they are killed. That's fine.] But they have an opportunity.
That's what's important.
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[ free will! ]
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He does not say this since he is not irrevocably changed yet.]
Should everyone not always have another chance? [Hypothetical debate here.] I thought God would be fair.
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A positive change has to start somewhere!
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And you... are alright with... God?
[This one. The... God. Anyway, it's very hard for him to talk about this because he absolutely did not believe in God before. Now? Damn.]
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More than alright. ♪
I've served under God since before I met them.
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I see.
[Assigned nun who can do long-ranged combat.]
Why?
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Faith has always given me strength. Knowing that an unconditional love and forgiveness exists in the world makes every day lighter and easier, and being a member of the Sisterhood has allowed me to help so many people, despite my own shortcomings.
God has always given my life meaning.
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You have never found yourself angry at God?
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No. Not really. There have been times I've had to reflect on doubts and questions. But I wouldn't say that I've ever been angry at the Lord.
But I don't like to get angry at anyone if I can avoid it.
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Have you ever been terminally ill? Have you ever lost someone important to you? Have you ever tried and failed?
[He does not ask these rudely, as if he is saying they haven't and he has, but more genuinely. Have they experienced these soul-crushing things and still continued to have faith in something so intangible?]
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Failure is something everyone experiences. There are a lot of things I'm not very good at, and I'm prone to clumsiness and mistakes...
But I'm fortunate enough to have my health and my community. That's exactly why it's so important that I spend my time sharing the ways that I've been blessed and helping others less fortunate.
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He wonders if, looking over the edge of an aqueduct, they've ever had ideations of flinging themself off. Because why would God stay silent when you needed Them the most during the darkest times? It's easy to be angry at God when you're struggling to forgive yourself for mistakes made in weakness.
But he does not ask since they seem kind.]
I can see why you're here.
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Thank you.
We can't exactly say the same for you, but... That's less to do with you and more to do with the nature of your arrival. I can tell that you have a good heart.
[ he's so caring about helping people! with his emotions! his caring emotions!! ]
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Somehow, the arcane got in the way perhaps.
[There are no emotions here!!! He's getting rid of them!!]
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I don't know much about the magic in other worlds. There is no magic, where I'm from. [ thoughtful. ] Do you trust the arcane? It changed your friend, but it guided you in a way that you believe in.
Do you think that it was right to bring you here?
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It was likely doing what it could. [To save him? To save itself? He doesn't say. (It won't let him say it.)] ...I trust it.
It does not have the same sort of intentions as people do.
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