holyspirits | Audience

[ because usually when we turbo one of us dies. also some things are blatantly obvious let me have my secrets!! but it's fine. there are some things zuriel should maybe elaborate on, but this is about yves so they follow him and also follow his guidance which means... taking off shoes he can't really see? yeah. but it's sandy, and they're holding his hand and keeping their shoes in the other, and they are a little surprised by the affection suddenly. ]

Oh? You barely know me. [ it's not really an admonishment, but more like they're pointing it out. it's sweet, but it does make them wonder a little about how yves goes about romance. ]

[ for what it's worth - despite everything they've talked about, yves doesn't seem to entirely mean it romantically. like, he could! but in this moment, the words leave his mouth just so terribly easily it can be hard to tell!

but he's still confident! ]

Maybe, but I think I still know enough important things. I know that you're trying your best to help the people here, and you care about what's fair for others. You want people to live happier lives, and you're just doing your best yourself.

So that means you're someone I could love.

[ this man is truly a lot, and yet somehow this all feels very weirdly familiar to them in a way they can't pinpoint. and in other ways, they can. because it's true, everything he says about them isn't exactly a wrong assessment. but, of course, they argue to prove a point. ]

But I can still be selfish. There are things I wanted and things I still want that I know I can't have because of where I come from and who I am. And people don't like that I won't let them tell me what to do. People don't always like my opinions. I'm not as good-looking as people around me, and I don't have nearly the same opportunities available. There's no hiding what kind of person I am.

[ but...? ]

But even with that, if you think a person like me can be loved even looking like this and acting like this, I do still think the same is true for you. Even with the scar. I don't think the ugly parts matter to someone who really cares about you. Even if finding them will take time.

[ off they walk toward the water now, hand in hand with their shoes in their other hands.... stupid.

still yves laughs ] You can say all that, and I am happy to know more about you, but it wouldn't make me love you any less. When I decided to try to seek out love, I also decided to love everyone. You aren't an exception.

But... I know I'm abnormal. [ he knows he is bizarre in his all-encompassing love ] Even so... I hope you're right, but I wouldn't blame anyone if a limit existed for them. And I still couldn't be accepted by them.

[ extremely stupid! but they turn that around in their head for a bit as they draw closer to the water. ]

Is it ever hard for you? To love everyone so openly. [ it's a question borne from curiosity, and one they have an answer for themselves but would be interested to know from someone like yves. they have thoughts on this whole limit thing and being abnormal in his behavior, but they will withhold the thoughts for now until he answers that. ]

No.

[ simply, despite everything ]

I think there are moments where I get frustrated, and I have limits on what I tolerate. But I don’t want anyone else to feel like I did, so I’ll always try to love someone no matter who they are.

[ huh. ]

You want to be sure people aren't alone. Even when they make it difficult. That's pretty admirable of you.

[ shakes head... ]

Is it still admirable if it's born out of a greed for love?

I think I'm a little twisted sometimes... but I don't know how to be any other way anymore.

Yes, because greed can easily turn into something more twisted that will hurt someone without caring about them. [ their tone goes a little flat and dark, but they let it go. ]

Maybe it is twisted. But is it a love with no sincerity at all?

[ zuriel your darkness.... yves looks more concerned than anything though, giving a gentle squeeze of their hand ]

... no. I really do care about everyone I meet.

[ their b in justice is for a reason but it's fine. we can hold hands, and they squeeze back a little. once again vaguely bothered that this feels familiar in a way they can't pinpoint. ]

Then I think it isn't as twisted as it could be.

[ does yves remind them of their dead wife in the movie montage ]

... I suppose so.

[ quiet, like he hadn't really thought of that before. it's easier to think of yourself as truly just so selfish when it's just you in your head. ]

I'm sorry that it sounds like things were hard for you before you came here.

[ looks to the moon. i don't want to talk about who yves reminds them of right now, there are problems here. ]

I mean it. [ it is not as selfish as he seems to think, nor is it as twisted as it sounds. there are so many people out there who pretend to care about others, and some of them aren't as nice as others. at least yves' feelings are (in his own head) genuine. but they shake their head. ]

It's alright. Things are better than they were, I think. [ they think, because now they are thinking about something else. ] Shouldn't that be what I say to you though?

[ i see (doesn't see)

zuriel is so right... yves just has a very warped sense of self-perception due to trauma and his self-inflicted brain damage

though he looks confused at the last question ]

Oh? Me? Well, I think I actually had a pretty good life as a whole...

[ did you think he'd COMPLAIN? ]

[ yves what did you do to your brain, zuriel and i both ask in tears. ]

I think being excommunicated by people who were supposed to love you unconditionally would count as ill-fated, Yves. Even though it reflects more poorly on them than it ever would on you.

[ sorry, they are sticking to that point that his family should have at least loved him still. ]

[ hmmm he looks thoughtful about it, but even now his expression is still devoid of any contempt ]

... I do think it hurt.

But I think they must've just been scared, and trying to do what they thought was best. I know that's still probably not a good enough reason when I tell it to others but...

They did love me once. I'm grateful for that.

[ the reason for his A+ in gratitude is truly because of this ]

You're justifying people's poor behavior who weren't actually acting with your best interest in mind. [ they are going to strangle him, but it's really just because: ]

... I couldn't imagine my life without my mother. There was a time I thought she'd never come home, and I thought it was the end of the world. Even now being here without her, I miss being able to talk to her. [ not to mention things that have happened to a friend of theirs... ] It doesn't make sense to me how parents can't overcome obstacles to love their children permanently.

[ he probably is but he's not going to argue because he's also not going to change his mind, he loves his horrible fucked up parents too

but... wehhhh zuriel. yves squeezes their hand again then, looking down at them ]

I'm sorry. I wish you could be with her. But... I'm really happy that you were able to experience that kind of affection.

[ it's sweet and deserved! zuriel!! ]

I'm sure you carry her wisdom with you everywhere you go.

[ gently rattles his brain around. ]

It's okay. If anything, we should be focusing on all of you and getting you back.

[ the sentiment is sweet and they appreciate it because they do love their mom, but they are here for a job. ]

Oh, I guess so.

[ said like it's not his immediate priority ]

Um... but I don't know what I should be reflecting on...

[ well. they will try to have a seat on the sand and pull yves with them. maybe it's snack time. ]

It doesn't have to be as deep as the rest. Maybe start off with thinking of the things you used to do in your daily life. What kept you busy?

[ sits!! and pulls out the snackies.... it's a lot of fruits! apples, oranges, grapes.... ]

Oh, that's easy. I was the owner of Courrune, a guild of handymen, and we'd do any work that people needed assistance with. So most days was helping take care of people's work requests! Plus managing the Corps once Adolphe was gone, though I was never quite as good at it as he was.

[ thank you, this is the best. they are grabbing an orange to peel it while they listen. ]

Who are the Corps? What made you decide to start something like the Courrune?

I started Courrune because I thought that if I helped as many people as I could, then maybe some day someone would show up and they'd be able to love me. [ eats grapes as he talks about it. so many things started from his single-minded search for love ] I was really lucky when Hugo joined me—he's my best friend and partner. Courrune was just us two for most of those years.

But the Corps are a group of citizen soldiers, I guess you could say. We were created to help protect Coene, which is the commoner district, since the Royal Guard was often..... preoccupied.

[ yes, they are starting to see the pattern here. ]

So like the cops. [ that is their frame of reference. they also kind of pause with their orange-peeling. ] Royalty can rarely bother with the little people. It's beneath them.

[ thanks, zuriel. ]

So you ended up doing it yourself. Tell me about Hugo? How did you become friends?

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