Thought something a little on the milder side would be a good start to introducing you to something different. [ we will not flavorblast his ass today. ] Then again, it's almost that time.
But yeah, I know. One drink until the lockdown. [ but there's time, right? at least a good half hour maybe? (it does not matter because doors ruin everything.) but they look under the bar for something before there's a sigh. ]
Annnd I'm out of ginger ale. I'm not going out this close, but I've got some in the back.
[ which is to say they are turning to open the near-invisible door of their apartment?
but this also somehow, magically, sends them both disappearing into the house of mirrors. whoooo...
[ we don't need to talk about why gabriel lets jacopo do a lot of things.
especially when it is blatantly obvious this man is not okay. they are in this shitty house of mirrors and gabriel has to watch this and they're not even struck by pity so much as a bit of understanding to some of the things that jacopo has said and done over the last few weeks.
"We chose the wrong path and there's no way for us to get back on the right one any longer."
what do you do when you hit a deadend?
for a moment, they don't reply. but they do turn their head to face him then. ]
Sort of feels like you've been in your own hellscape for a while.
[ It takes him a moment because he's kind of gazing at Gabriel's direction, but not quite at Gabriel. Parsing... Like there's a lot to take in.
Because you know he coped by fragmenting his identity to live with his choices. The voices speak to him and they sound so different, but they're... Him. His thoughts, his emotions, different shades of self-loathing.
He sips his drink. ]
That's a polite way of saying I've lost my mind for a while.
[ it's maybe both a good and a bad thing that their face is still hidden from the entire population, but their body language is still fairly relaxed even as they watch him for the time being. ]
I've never really had an interest in being polite. [ in all seriousness. ] Is that still the case here?
[ It is what it is, but he's more distant than before. It is for the best when he sees fake ghosts that egg him on to he unstable. ]
They haunt me every single fucking day and I thought death would be when I can finally escape, but I'm here. With them—and they admonish everything I do.
Saying the same kind of shit? Or have they changed their tune now that things are just as bad here? [ they want to ask about a couple of things (morgana, for one), but one thing at a time. ]
The same manner. It has been worse this week when everyone has been seeing the truth about me.
[ That they know he is a heartless killer. How could he think he can pretend and be anything else? It's pitiful and pathetic. Many self-deprecating things alongside worse thoughts on how to use people like tools, going far as to weaponize trauma he has seen in these mirrors lately.
It is not good. They are loud. ]
You don't need to talk to me. The extent of your good will can end here.
Shut the fuck up, Jacopo. [ it's said with a tired sigh, like they don't even want to hear an argument. they will say more in a second, but also, no, actually, shut the fuck up for a second. ]
The same thing that makes you think you can just call me a fucking idiot for something I didn't even plan on doing, apparently. [ flatly. but okay.they pause... and then continue with their original thoughts. ]
Do you think I'm being forced to talk to you? Is that what this is?
[ again, it is probably good that jacopo cannot see their face. also, i'm glad he's still holding his drink, don't waste it.
anyway gabriel doesn't respond for a few moments. ]
Really trying to use that against me right now? Hey, just curious, how often does this work for you? Are you just kind of an asshole to get people to back off because it's easier than talking about the fact you have actual ghosts of the past haunting you?
[ despite what they're saying, it's clear they're more annoyed this is happening than actually alarmed by what jacopo's done. we have not discussed it, but still. ]
[ Wow, Gabriel is deaf, is what Jacopo thinks he can say next to aggravate them. He takes another composed sip of his drink. ]
You think anything is safe from me to weaponize? That's naive.
[ He doesn't know how to receive kindness or charity well, but worst of all the voices are loud. This is just the person he is, they say. How can he argue with them, they're fragments and pieces he broke off. Those cold words from the nightmarish Barnier are still his, as much as the worse from the young man who rejects the current person he is.
Somewhere in between. ]
What is there to talk about?! They're here, have been for years! Weeks into this project, with people who didn't know who I was, and they're still here!
[ Despite everyone's generosity and friendliness, he still sees that he's... Like this. It's almost like failure. ]
[ that's correct, they are just saying things to keep him talking at this rate. ]
Of course I don't, but you're not special there either. [ fool, they are aware anyone can use their words against them. but still... he lets jacopo yell for a bit, listening and folding their arms over their chest. ]
Inner demons are a thing. All the kindness in the world isn't going to fix something that deeply traumatic. [ they will call it traumatic even if jacopo won't. ] It's the kind of thing that will take time and effort to untangle, but you have to let it.
[ They don't even need to keep talking to have him talking, but there is no guarantee he'll say something important. NO GABRIEL THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE IN TURBOHEAVEN THEY WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO YOU!!!!
Have you seen anyone bristle so much. It was deeply traumatic to someone who was once so loyal and devoted, illuminating across all the mirrors. Despite all the ambition, he is a cowardly and sensitive person, but one who doesn't know what to do with this. Let it untangle? How? Trying to be someone different and better has only gotten ridicule... Being himself is the same. They won't let him live with himself. ]
I want—them to quiet down! [ His grip on the glass in his hand tightens, resisting the urge to just throw it onto the ground or against a mirror. Just anywhere. ] I... Can manage. I have before—they're just so loud now.
[ And he believes every word they say, even if he tries to resist and argue back. ]
[ what if they try to take the glass... can they do that... ]
I'd hate to see your idea of managing, dude. [ this is very poor coping, actually, and gabriel observes for a moment. ]
They're loud because you don't have anything else to distract your thoughts and point out all of the mistakes you've made. Kind of like being locked in a prison of your own design. Even while you're trying to be better, without something else, it's inviting the ghosts in. I think... you are a person who wanted better, once, but you were thrown into someone else's plan and design without any kind of support to accomplish the things you wanted. And you were pulled in a lot of directions and misdirected and more and more mistakes piled up until they crushed you in the form of some real fuckin' creepy old guy haunting you.
Even with everything you've done. I don't think a heartless, cold person would feel the kind of guilt and torment you do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 3, thursday
and it means that gabriel's dropping a drink down on the counter in front of him with a flourish. ]
Here, tell me what you think of this. [ it is a moscow mule. do not remember if they've made this for jacopo before, but it's fine. ]
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He looks at it, quiet, but then picks it up to take a sip. ]
It's refreshing.
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Thought something a little on the milder side would be a good start to introducing you to something different. [ we will not flavorblast his ass today. ] Then again, it's almost that time.
... you sure you wanna stay here tonight?
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[ So, yes, it's cool that they stay here. He doesn't seem to care that much. ]
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... I don't mind that you're here. You've been pretty consistent this whole time.
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[ Like that's a laughing manner. It's a normal manner to him. ]
... I love myself a drink, but I have to hold off tonight unlike other nights as you know.
[ The other nights being concerning amount of drinking. ]
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But yeah, I know. One drink until the lockdown. [ but there's time, right? at least a good half hour maybe? (it does not matter because doors ruin everything.) but they look under the bar for something before there's a sigh. ]
Annnd I'm out of ginger ale. I'm not going out this close, but I've got some in the back.
[ which is to say they are turning to open the near-invisible door of their apartment?
but this also somehow, magically, sends them both disappearing into the house of mirrors. whoooo...
at least jacopo can keep his drink? ]
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[ While gracefully holding his drink in hand. ]
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Can't even go into my own fucking house now? [ they don't even have a drink, this sucks. ] These doors are getting out of hand.
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Now we're in this hellscape.
[ And Gabriel can have this one. ]
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especially when it is blatantly obvious this man is not okay. they are in this shitty house of mirrors and gabriel has to watch this and they're not even struck by pity so much as a bit of understanding to some of the things that jacopo has said and done over the last few weeks.
"We chose the wrong path and there's no way for us to get back on the right one any longer."
what do you do when you hit a deadend?
for a moment, they don't reply. but they do turn their head to face him then. ]
Sort of feels like you've been in your own hellscape for a while.
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Because you know he coped by fragmenting his identity to live with his choices. The voices speak to him and they sound so different, but they're... Him. His thoughts, his emotions, different shades of self-loathing.
He sips his drink. ]
That's a polite way of saying I've lost my mind for a while.
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I've never really had an interest in being polite. [ in all seriousness. ] Is that still the case here?
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[ It is what it is, but he's more distant than before. It is for the best when he sees fake ghosts that egg him on to he unstable. ]
They haunt me every single fucking day and I thought death would be when I can finally escape, but I'm here. With them—and they admonish everything I do.
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Saying the same kind of shit? Or have they changed their tune now that things are just as bad here? [ they want to ask about a couple of things (morgana, for one), but one thing at a time. ]
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[ That they know he is a heartless killer. How could he think he can pretend and be anything else? It's pitiful and pathetic. Many self-deprecating things alongside worse thoughts on how to use people like tools, going far as to weaponize trauma he has seen in these mirrors lately.
It is not good. They are loud. ]
You don't need to talk to me. The extent of your good will can end here.
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YOU THINK HE WILL SHUT UP. ]
What makes you think you can talk to me like that?
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The same thing that makes you think you can just call me a fucking idiot for something I didn't even plan on doing, apparently. [ flatly. but okay.they pause... and then continue with their original thoughts. ]
Do you think I'm being forced to talk to you? Is that what this is?
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You're the one who wants to be a good person.
[ Which is a simple answer to both things. It's funny to imagine this whole Jacopo is still holding his drink. ]
Why else entertain a madman's prattle?
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anyway gabriel doesn't respond for a few moments. ]
Really trying to use that against me right now? Hey, just curious, how often does this work for you? Are you just kind of an asshole to get people to back off because it's easier than talking about the fact you have actual ghosts of the past haunting you?
[ despite what they're saying, it's clear they're more annoyed this is happening than actually alarmed by what jacopo's done. we have not discussed it, but still. ]
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You think anything is safe from me to weaponize? That's naive.
[ He doesn't know how to receive kindness or charity well, but worst of all the voices are loud. This is just the person he is, they say. How can he argue with them, they're fragments and pieces he broke off. Those cold words from the nightmarish Barnier are still his, as much as the worse from the young man who rejects the current person he is.
Somewhere in between. ]
What is there to talk about?! They're here, have been for years! Weeks into this project, with people who didn't know who I was, and they're still here!
[ Despite everyone's generosity and friendliness, he still sees that he's... Like this. It's almost like failure. ]
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Of course I don't, but you're not special there either. [ fool, they are aware anyone can use their words against them. but still... he lets jacopo yell for a bit, listening and folding their arms over their chest. ]
Inner demons are a thing. All the kindness in the world isn't going to fix something that deeply traumatic. [ they will call it traumatic even if jacopo won't. ] It's the kind of thing that will take time and effort to untangle, but you have to let it.
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Have you seen anyone bristle so much. It was deeply traumatic to someone who was once so loyal and devoted, illuminating across all the mirrors. Despite all the ambition, he is a cowardly and sensitive person, but one who doesn't know what to do with this. Let it untangle? How? Trying to be someone different and better has only gotten ridicule... Being himself is the same. They won't let him live with himself. ]
I want—them to quiet down! [ His grip on the glass in his hand tightens, resisting the urge to just throw it onto the ground or against a mirror. Just anywhere. ] I... Can manage. I have before—they're just so loud now.
[ And he believes every word they say, even if he tries to resist and argue back. ]
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I'd hate to see your idea of managing, dude. [ this is very poor coping, actually, and gabriel observes for a moment. ]
They're loud because you don't have anything else to distract your thoughts and point out all of the mistakes you've made. Kind of like being locked in a prison of your own design. Even while you're trying to be better, without something else, it's inviting the ghosts in. I think... you are a person who wanted better, once, but you were thrown into someone else's plan and design without any kind of support to accomplish the things you wanted. And you were pulled in a lot of directions and misdirected and more and more mistakes piled up until they crushed you in the form of some real fuckin' creepy old guy haunting you.
Even with everything you've done. I don't think a heartless, cold person would feel the kind of guilt and torment you do.
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