Yeah. The girls signed on under the new god who reached out to them when the transition happened. It's another reason I stayed on. What do you want to know about it?
It's a little of both. The old god hired me after I said I wanted in on this project. But the new god knew about it when they agreed to change hands. I think... it was originally floated as a project by the old god, and because the new god also felt pretty strongly about it they designed it the basics together before the old god retired. Once they did, the new god started putting the work into fleshing things out and hiring the girls and working directly with them to pick out the islands and design the neighborhood.
Can't think of anything weird happening during the transition though.
Why the sudden interest in all of this? [ they don't mind answering, but these do feel a little specific. ] The old god was an axolotl, so. Amphibian-ish. Elusive in a lot of ways, sometimes weirdly patient in others, aggravating most of the time. Aloof. You know how gods can be, a little out of touch with reality while still having an idea of the large overall picture of things.
Pretty sure they retired because they felt like they'd been God long enough. Nothing bad happened to push them to that decision, they just did it.
We're just trying to find anything we can learn to help us understand what's happening - it hardly seems like a coincidence that all this happened after the new god took over. Yves mentioned to me that you're the only one here who knew both gods, so I ought to talk to you about it.
I do understand incredibly well how out of touch the gods can be, yes. But I suppose you still believed in their project enough to stay on?
I wouldn't call it a coincidence, no. That timing's way too close to just be an accident. [ which is annoying... ] Yves is nosy and sometimes doesn't know when to shut up, but I get it. From everybody's perspective, I'm the guy with potential answers.
[ which is why they don't mind trying to answer as best as they can. ]
I did though. Even if I didn't agree with the old god on a lot of things, I believed in the project enough to want a job in it. I couldn't be an angel like the girls, so I pitched a different idea. [ a gesture to the bar. ]
[ well that's embarrassing. their body language seems to convey that that's embarrassing and they pause before there's a tilt of their head. ]
You could be as mean as you wanted. I can handle myself. [ wry. ] Jesus, what is he doing over there...
[ gripes aside. ]
The new god and I are at odds with each other almost as much as me and the old god. Not that we talk like they do to the girls. I don't think I could have qualified as an angel if I wanted to.
Why is that? I don't make it a habit to antagonize gods - well, no, I do make that a habit, but not by choice - but they haven't said anything that sounds entirely unreasonable to me. What about you would they take issue with?
No. I guess they're probably a lot more reasonable with you guys because they want to see your success. They're probably sick of me constantly challenging them for not fixing this shit.
This. [ a gesture of a hand around the bar to indicate they mean "all the murders." a flash of some sort of wristband breaks through their glow before it flares up again. ] I get it, they're new to the job, but... people are dying, Shadowheart. And worse than that, they're being forced to kill each other.
[ she says that, and for a moment gabriel seems to think on this. whatever they're thinking though appears to generate a thought bubble of dark, distant water, gently sloshing as little lights glow far away. ]
I'm not sure, but you said you had an issue with the old god, and the new one wouldn't have trusted you to serve as an angel on this project. Both of those things would have predated the murders, wouldn't they?
Oh. Yeah. Sorry, I thought you... are we talking about God not fixing things being because of stuff predating the murders or something about me specifically here?
Your distrust of them, I mean. You said the root of that was you have argued about things that needed fixing, but the example you gave was our present circumstances. But I think there must have been something that predated those circumstances to make you feel that way, yes? Other things they wouldn't fix that you thought they ought to?
Oh. I don't know if we need to go over my own personal abandonment issues. [ yeah. ] The old god didn't bother finding me until after I died and didn't care about being found, versus all the times I tried asking for help and never got an answer. But we talked about this project and it made sense to me. So here I am. The new god probably wanted someone more competent, so then came the angels.
I see. No, that's - I understand. It's a common reason. [thinking about astarion now. "I tried them all, none of them answered." yeah.] Sometimes having prayers answered is also not ideal, but neither situation particularly engenders trust.
I talked to them myself about that, about how I feel about it... even deities with moral goals and intentions are so removed from the realities of our lives and what matters to us.
[chewing her lip, thinking about that flash of a dark thought bubble when she asked a different question.]
Was there something else that occurred to you? An issue that needed fixing that predates all of this?
Right. It's one of those "be careful what you wish for" kind of things, but sometimes what you wish for is so big it doesn't matter the consequences you might face if it means a prayer is answered. I don't know. I talked to Lucas about this a lot. Why a God wouldn't answer if they had the ability to do it.
[ a pull from their coffee. ]
... what's your impression of this god now? I'm hearing some mixed results when people mention it, and I think I know myself enough to know I'm biased.
[ they will answer the other thing with a nod, and they'll talk about it because it's fine, but it feels awkward for them to just start mentioning it. but, well, maybe there's this. ]
I was trying to find someone and get back to them. And then I ended up here.
I see. And you would have loved the help of a merciful deity to get back to that person, but such help did not come for you?
[hmmm.]
I've always found this God reasonable, in the sense that they are open to being criticized without a violent and vindictive response, which is rare among deities. [but that's a little different than trust. she has always been polite because she knows that there are gods who will simply TPK you if you come to them with attitude, and she has sweat watching friends of hers profess that they will give god a scolding, but then it seemed to turn out without violence.] But I don't know if I believe that gods really care for us in the same way that we care for one another. Maybe they're too remote, the smallness of our lives too evident for them. If I had the power to help you find your friend, I would exercise it for you without question. Any one of us would likely do so. But by virtue of being a divinity, the impulse to exercise any ability we had to help one individual is subsumed within all of the greater and higher purposes and the vastness of all of the needs individuals have the universe over.
On the other hand, learning that this one is new... it made me feel that maybe I was hasty. Maybe there's still time for them to see things differently. I talked to them about some of my own experiences. Not only Lady Shar, but her "good" counterpart, who nonetheless did not extend any particular protection to me after I defended her own daughter...
Maybe it isn't possible for a god to see each of us as people, when the size of their knowledge and lives is so vast. [like, not even shade to selûne. in the grand scope of a battle that has existed throughout the aeons, it would be impossible to extend individual attention to every person who was a casualty of it, or to risk everything to protect one ex-sharran.] But I'd like to think there's a window of time to try.
I had given up seeking God by the time I died. I was going to try and find them myself with or without help, because if God couldn't be around to help save someone else I couldn't stand to lose, I wasn't gonna take my chances. Dying was just a consequence of my own actions, and somehow that happened. Who knew all I had to do was ignore God to be noticed?
[ but they listen... this all sounds reasonable and they don't seem to think anything she's saying is strange. ]
You hear about it in stories all the time. How Gods are powerful and above all man, and how man has to worship them and be faithful to them. The bible's a whole playbook on all the ways you have to follow rules and maybe God will save you. It's a lot of waiting and believing, and I can get if one or two things don't come through but an entire lifetime? Or the most tragic events? If your people are leaving their lives in your hands and waiting for you, how do you not feel bad about this? How doesn't it kill you to know people are counting on you and you let them down?
[ and therein lies the anger. but... ]
The new god and I have talked a few times since the transition. They seem to respond better to the girls, but seeing as I'm the one who was here the whole time I guess I'm the frame of reference. I think there are a bunch of things I don't agree with them on. But I also think you're probably right. Maybe I'm also being too hasty. Maybe this window where they're hiding you guys is a good enough window to try and change them, too. Especially if they're listening and talking to you guys. But I also can see not everyone having the patience for that. I can't blame anybody for being mad or for being hasty because when you think of God you think of great power. This shit shouldn't be happening under God.
I think that is the crux of it. None of this ought to be happening under god, but it is. And I do think very many feel angry about it, or at least... deceived? As though when we came here we were asked to believe one thing, that we had come to a place where we'd be given a second chance if we worked at it, but...
That was already a tall order to believe in, and the rug was pulled out from under us right away.
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And I also wonder if anything odd happened, during that transition.
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Can't think of anything weird happening during the transition though.
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Why the sudden interest in all of this? [ they don't mind answering, but these do feel a little specific. ] The old god was an axolotl, so. Amphibian-ish. Elusive in a lot of ways, sometimes weirdly patient in others, aggravating most of the time. Aloof. You know how gods can be, a little out of touch with reality while still having an idea of the large overall picture of things.
Pretty sure they retired because they felt like they'd been God long enough. Nothing bad happened to push them to that decision, they just did it.
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I do understand incredibly well how out of touch the gods can be, yes. But I suppose you still believed in their project enough to stay on?
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[ which is why they don't mind trying to answer as best as they can. ]
I did though. Even if I didn't agree with the old god on a lot of things, I believed in the project enough to want a job in it. I couldn't be an angel like the girls, so I pitched a different idea. [ a gesture to the bar. ]
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[so there.]
Why couldn't you be an angel? You mentioned not being sure this god had as much faith in you?
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You could be as mean as you wanted. I can handle myself. [ wry. ] Jesus, what is he doing over there...
[ gripes aside. ]
The new god and I are at odds with each other almost as much as me and the old god. Not that we talk like they do to the girls. I don't think I could have qualified as an angel if I wanted to.
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Why is that? I don't make it a habit to antagonize gods - well, no, I do make that a habit, but not by choice - but they haven't said anything that sounds entirely unreasonable to me. What about you would they take issue with?
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No. I guess they're probably a lot more reasonable with you guys because they want to see your success. They're probably sick of me constantly challenging them for not fixing this shit.
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Well, yes. I agree with you, I'm not a big fan of that. I'd wondered if there was more to it, predating all of this.
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What're you thinking could predate it?
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[ lost the thread of thought. ]
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I talked to them myself about that, about how I feel about it... even deities with moral goals and intentions are so removed from the realities of our lives and what matters to us.
[chewing her lip, thinking about that flash of a dark thought bubble when she asked a different question.]
Was there something else that occurred to you? An issue that needed fixing that predates all of this?
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[ a pull from their coffee. ]
... what's your impression of this god now? I'm hearing some mixed results when people mention it, and I think I know myself enough to know I'm biased.
[ they will answer the other thing with a nod, and they'll talk about it because it's fine, but it feels awkward for them to just start mentioning it. but, well, maybe there's this. ]
I was trying to find someone and get back to them. And then I ended up here.
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[hmmm.]
I've always found this God reasonable, in the sense that they are open to being criticized without a violent and vindictive response, which is rare among deities. [but that's a little different than trust. she has always been polite because she knows that there are gods who will simply TPK you if you come to them with attitude, and she has sweat watching friends of hers profess that they will give god a scolding, but then it seemed to turn out without violence.] But I don't know if I believe that gods really care for us in the same way that we care for one another. Maybe they're too remote, the smallness of our lives too evident for them. If I had the power to help you find your friend, I would exercise it for you without question. Any one of us would likely do so. But by virtue of being a divinity, the impulse to exercise any ability we had to help one individual is subsumed within all of the greater and higher purposes and the vastness of all of the needs individuals have the universe over.
On the other hand, learning that this one is new... it made me feel that maybe I was hasty. Maybe there's still time for them to see things differently. I talked to them about some of my own experiences. Not only Lady Shar, but her "good" counterpart, who nonetheless did not extend any particular protection to me after I defended her own daughter...
Maybe it isn't possible for a god to see each of us as people, when the size of their knowledge and lives is so vast. [like, not even shade to selûne. in the grand scope of a battle that has existed throughout the aeons, it would be impossible to extend individual attention to every person who was a casualty of it, or to risk everything to protect one ex-sharran.] But I'd like to think there's a window of time to try.
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[ but they listen... this all sounds reasonable and they don't seem to think anything she's saying is strange. ]
You hear about it in stories all the time. How Gods are powerful and above all man, and how man has to worship them and be faithful to them. The bible's a whole playbook on all the ways you have to follow rules and maybe God will save you. It's a lot of waiting and believing, and I can get if one or two things don't come through but an entire lifetime? Or the most tragic events? If your people are leaving their lives in your hands and waiting for you, how do you not feel bad about this? How doesn't it kill you to know people are counting on you and you let them down?
[ and therein lies the anger. but... ]
The new god and I have talked a few times since the transition. They seem to respond better to the girls, but seeing as I'm the one who was here the whole time I guess I'm the frame of reference. I think there are a bunch of things I don't agree with them on. But I also think you're probably right. Maybe I'm also being too hasty. Maybe this window where they're hiding you guys is a good enough window to try and change them, too. Especially if they're listening and talking to you guys. But I also can see not everyone having the patience for that. I can't blame anybody for being mad or for being hasty because when you think of God you think of great power. This shit shouldn't be happening under God.
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That was already a tall order to believe in, and the rug was pulled out from under us right away.
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