Audience - Shadowheart

[holyspirits]

Comments

[hotfixer]

I think so.

[ the thing is, ramiel wouldn't think that negates anything. ]

I would regret it too. Anyone would regret something when it went poorly for them, and they had to act without much time to think. But regretting a choice doesn't change that you made it, and that the world will now move on carrying the effects of that choice.

[sacredpath]

...Yes, that's true. I think I was a fool for ever imagining I could undo it, or redeem myself to her somehow. Even if I wanted to.

[even if it was just a split second decision, it's too late.]

[hotfixer]

Regret is just a feeling. Like sadness or nostalgia or longing.

Is it really something you regret as if it was the wrong choice? Or is it just wishing that it hadn't carried such heavy consequence?

[sacredpath]

...The latter, I think.

[she doesn't wish for aylin dead, last light inn destroyed, shar victorious. she's just afraid at what it all means.]

[hotfixer]

I can understand that.

I still feel doubt and remorse for hard choices that I've made, too. And those feelings help me to understand the people here who have made worse choices for their own safety.

[sacredpath]

Yes.

[on that, they can agree.]

There are some people who seem to think it should all come easily. [but that was the hardest thing she ever did, and it's not like it became easier the moment she made the hard choice. it got even harder, it got worse. she wasn't immediately a better person, just a person with fewer choices.]

[hotfixer]

Making the right choice is often the hardest thing a person can do. That's why it's so important—because it would be much easier not to.

Anyone who thinks that it's easy... can't have been faced with complex dilemmas of their own. So for them to call it easy just shows that they've only been able to make good choices because there was no reason not to.

[sacredpath]

What about you? You wound up here - was it difficult for you?

[hotfixer]

Our circumstances are a little different from yours. I haven't died. I know that God approved of me, since they reached out for me to help with this project—but technically I haven't received my judgment either. And probably won't for a long, long time after this, if ever.

But I've had to make a hard choice. Not at the cost of my life, but someone I love's. I would never call it easy.

[ she knows that's a little different, but... well, with that, a convenient memory of hers plays out, from 33:52 to 35:25. ]

[sacredpath]

[oh...]

Who was he?

[hotfixer]

Caspian.

I had to bring him back to save lives, even knowing that it would likely kill him again. And it did.

[sacredpath]

Who was he to you?

[hotfixer]

[ she has to think about that. because truthfully, there isn't a succinct answer. sort of her creator. but mostly not. the boy she loved. in a way, a martyr. but that's only how she felt about him. from his side... arguably they weren't anything to each other. ]

... A friend, I suppose.

[ even that's a stretch. ]

[sacredpath]

Friendship is nice.

[just lightly, to show that she considers that answer to be a bit of a cop out, but she isn't going to push on it, either.]

I don't know if I believe it's the same as deciding what to do with your own life. But it's interesting... you've always encouraged me to consider whether I can find what I'm looking for here. [even though she isn't dead, exactly.] Is that where you think he is now?

[hotfixer]

I wouldn't really know. [ ramiel doesn't need to be pushed anyway. she just says things. ] That's the best answer I have, but I don't even think we were that.

... I understand what you mean. To me, sacrificing myself would have been an easier choice. If it would have accomplished anything, I would have chosen that. But because of the specific circumstances, it wouldn't have.

Still, I don't expect that to be the same for everyone. Least of all embodied people. Your lives are precious. Short, and delicate. It's natural to favor self preservation. [ rude. she doesn't mean it rudely, but it's rude.

anyway, she shakes her head. ] I don't know where he is. There were some... last minute complications that I'm still confused about. But I know now that there are countless worlds and timelines, so tracking someone down, especially when I'm meant to be focusing on this project, would only be a distraction from more pressing problems.

[sacredpath]

[no, it's fair. she does favor self preservation.]

Why were you three chosen for this project? I'm still not sure I understand.

[hotfixer]

I suppose there was something about each of us that God liked, and thought would be appropriate for their goals.

[sacredpath]

[she is a little skeptical, because it's just, out of everyone? in every universe? but there is no way to say that without sounding like she's calling them no good.]

You're all very lovely, it's only that it's a bit confusing, that he would have worked with people who were new to him.

[hotfixer]

I can understand that.

To me, picking new people for a new project makes sense. Fresh eyes and all that. Besides, if they only picked from people they knew, that would just be nepotism.

And who knows. Maybe most people God knows are too tied to the way Heaven has always done things before.

[sacredpath]

Are there people in heaven who don't believe in what he's doing?

[hotfixer]

I'm not sure. We aren't really engaging with the wider realm of Heaven beyond scanning it for the source of the interference.

But that is a running theory about the source. Maybe someone who wants to pull the ladder up behind themselves. Hypothetically.

[sacredpath]

[yeah. she's discussed that with a few people.]

It sounds possible. Some sort of sabotage.

[hotfixer]

I don't like the idea that a good person who lives in Heaven would do this. But...

I don't know. People can change. For the better, sometimes. But it's possible to change for the worse, even in paradise.

[sacredpath]

I still don't know if I fundamentally believe in the concept of good people and bad people.

[which is a problem for getting on board with all of this, but...]

Certainly many people who believe themselves to be acting righteously see enemies among those who believe the same of themselves.

[hotfixer]

That's understandable. Your identity is a culmination of your choices, and those can change moment to moment even in isolation from complex environmental influences.

[ she's just kind of dumb enough to still believe in good vs bad despite fully seeing the nuance. ]

And yet, even those told to believe in flawed righteous causes are capable of realizing when their enemy is false. [ like shadowheart did. ]