They also thought you were flirting with Anders legitimately when that happened. [ not that she herself really thought too hard about it but ] Maybe they just assumed you were going through something and they don't know you as well as they thought?
I don't know. People were turning into kids, you'd think they'd assume weird things by default.
[that’s just the part that’s depressing about it. She’s only known these people for a couple weeks but the thing is that’s as long as she can remember knowing any people, including herself.]
At the least, it’s over now. I’ll just have to explain myself more than I wanted to so they don’t think me a fanatic.
Explain Shar more than you wanted to, you mean. [ or she assumes, at least. she strides over ] Is that the kind of thing Shar wants from you? On top of everything else? Darkness and whatever else you were spouting.
[it wasn't an inaccurate picture, it's just that she is the worst sharran ever, but hasn't been ready to deal with what it would mean, to stop putting her faith in shar.
yeets you into a memory:
The funhouse mirrors take you down a path that seems to grow darker as you walk. What is reflected in the mirrors is a hazy landscape, all in grays, with swirling thick darkness that looks like smoke all around. Everything in this land is dead, everything. The ground is cracked and patched. No plants grow here, except for the odd glowing foliage of the underdark, which is adapted to darkness. There are no living animals, but there are beings in the dark. Undead corpses of animals with glowing eyes animated by some evil power, dark shadow shapes, even the corpses of people from time to time, ones who wandered in here and fell.
Other mirrors show flickers of the story of this land. A century ago, this was a thriving and lush landscape ruled over from the nearby castle, Moonrise Towers. There was a market town and many people who lived in the rural areas. But a curse was placed on this land by the goddess Shar. Everyone who once lived here either died or fled, because no life can thrive in the shadows. The shadow curse eats away at anyone who travels through it before they join the armies of undead.
Shadowheart is traveling through this land with her companions, Gale, Karlach, and Astarion. They’re using lanterns to keep the shadows at bay, but in the darker places, even that doesn’t work. But Shadowheart seems less affected by the others.
“The shadow curse… it doesn’t seem to affect me like it does others. Not as badly, at least.” Shadowheart’s voice sounds pleased. “Do you know what this means? Lady Shar is protecting me, while others are left to face her wrath.” She’s touched by this, like this is an unexpected blessing, a protection she didn’t think she’d be granted, but is now taking as proof of something she hadn’t thought she’d ever see proof of. “...She loves me. She must do.”
She notices the others slightly unimpressed, and adds - “Don’t give me that look. It’s a good thing I’m resistant to the shadows. I can help all of you.” And then more to herself - “Lady Shar wouldn’t bless me like this for no reason. There must be something she wants of me.”
The journey leads you deeper into these cursed lands. Despite Shadowheart’s claim of receiving a blessing, this is an awful place, and even she seems to be feeling it. Eventually, they come to a road, and find a destroyed caravan, bodies strewn all over the place. Men, women, children, all horned and colorful people, tieflings, lying murdered in the road, attacked. Though a few were armed, and though one or two of the bandits who killed them lie dead as well, most were refugees, not warriors.
(Memories on the mirrors on the other side of the wall. A party, in a serene grove, at night. A celebration in honor of Shadowheart and her friends. Tieflings drinking, dancing, toasting to them for helping save them and find a safe path to Baldur’s Gate. Many of the dead were among those remembered from the party, though some notable faces are missing.)
The sight is horrible, but the next turn through the mirrors leads to something else. An inn, easily visible through the darkness, as it is shrouded in an enormous bubble of light, blinding and looking like the surface of the moon. Inside the spell of protection, life can thrive and the shadows are banished. And Shadowheart and her friends find most of the remaining survivors of the tiefling caravan there, having been given shelter by the inn’s owner, a cleric named Isobel.
The reunion with the survivors is mixed. It’s a happy thing, that they survived and found shelter, but there’s no way to travel ahead, many of their party were killed, and many more are missing. Some of the children beg them to go find one of their friends who is being held captive; others as after missing loved ones and family members, but there’s no way to guarantee they can be saved or are even still alive.
Shadowheart goes upstairs with the others and meets Isobel. The conversation is brief, and tense, but perhaps there’s more there, if you linger and peer more deeply into the mirrors.
Isobel is at work renewing the ritual that protects this inn. It’s a beautiful thing, like summoning moonlight in her hands and letting it spread out across the area. She turns, and takes the party in.
“I didn’t realize I had an audience.” Her gaze falls on Shadowheart. “And a Sharran one, at that. Frankly, I’m surprised you’re willing to help us. Your kind aren’t known for their decency, particularly when a Sharran curse is our greatest obstacle.” She sighs. “But if you are who I think you are, I’d be a fool to reject your help.”
“I won’t be spoken to like that by a Selǔnite,” Shadowheart snaps back at her.
In an adjacent mirror, the shadow of Moonrise Towers, the enemy occupying it. An obstacle that Shadowheart and her friends must face, and an enemy of Isobel and all of the people taking refuge in this inn. For reasons unknown to you, the man controlling Moonrise Towers wants Isobel brought to him a prisoner, but if Isobel leaves this place, or falls, every last person inside the inn will fall to the shadow curse and die. She needs Shadowheart’s help, but Shadowheart has come here seeking help from her, as well.
“We’ve both got a bitter pill to swallow,” Isobel says, conciliatory. “When this is over, we can spit it back out. But for now, you’ll be needing a protection spell, won’t you?” the woman adds. “I see Shar has offered you protection already, but no harm from some extra. Even from a Selǔnite.”
Shadowheart agrees, and Isobel casts her spell, but as the magic washes over her, she clasps her hand in pain. The feeling of a spell using Selûne’s magic triggers pain from the old wound on her hand, reminding her that making peace this way is not accepted.
“Imagine being compelled to hide a shrine in a land that is utterly hostile to you and your goddess,” Shadowheart says, after they leave Isobel’s chambers. “Utter pig-headedness.”
“Hmm,” Gale says. “Tenacity might be a kinder word for it?”
“I’ll leave the kinder words to the softer hearts,” Shadowheart says.
Even so, without questioning it, Shadowheart and her friends defend the inn when forces from Moonrise Towers attack, keep them from taking Isobel or hurting her, so that Selûne’s protection can remain in place for a little longer.
There are more pathways, leading ahead, all lit by the glow of that protective moonlit spell. A story of a war between two goddesses, one that tends to use the lives of mortals as chess pieces, but more, too, some sort of deeper conflict within Shadowheart, one she doesn’t seem to understand herself. You can explore deeper, but there’s also a way out, back out of the hall of mirrors.]
[ she's hesitating. shadowheart doesn't know herself, and it feels wrong to explore things more deeply for that reason, even though she wants to know, so as she watches the mirrors go on, she turns to shadowheart ]
Do you want to see more? [ do you want to learn more about yourself? phrasing it like that gamaliel realizes it's probably a yes, so she holds out a hand ] I can watch with you. Pull you away if you need it. Or just... stay if you need that.
[ sometimes you just need someone to stand in silence with you, in gam's opinion. ]
[she'll take a hand. there's nothing too ugly in this memory for her now - what ifs, possibilities, mostly. she could have betrayed isobel, she could have let the inn fall. she didn't, and she's glad for that.
she doesn't really know what it would look like, if isobel died; it wasn't in her memories from the week before, even though she can remember the place she was when she knew isobel would die. when she chose to help shar gain the upper hand in her war against selûne.
mirrors show pieces of that memory. shadowheart, holding a bloodied spear, standing over the body of a woman in chains, feeling the power of the dark grow around her, knowing that any resistance against the shadow curse, particularly this small selûnite enclave, would be wiped out due to shar's wrath.
she felt nothing about it in that memory, but she doesn't particularly like to see it now.]
I think what bothered me was, there was really never any part of me that was tempted to betray her. [isobel she means, not shar.] Despite what I said, despite challenging her, there wasn't really even any question.
Lady Shar protected me from the shadow curse, and that pleased me so, because it felt that she'd chosen me, that she wanted to protect me specifically. But Isobel's protection, Selûne's protection, was given to everyone, every traveller who came through those lands. [she wasn't special, she wasn't loved, she wasn't the chosen one.] Even me, even though I already had Lady Shar's protection. [and she liked that. she could have refused and stood with shar, but she didn't.]
[she hasn't exactly experienced that fear in exactly those words before, but it does feel right.]
I don't like knowing I'm capable of that, but I also just feel like a fool. Of course if I did everything she told me to do, the only one it would help was her. She gave me what she promised, but...
[the person left wasn't her anymore, wasn't recognizable.
it also makes her realize that, no, there's actually... not really anything that she likes about shar. she just always felt like she had to love shar because shar was who she was bound to.]
I wanted her to choose me, because I didn't think there was anyone else who would.
[if there is LITERALLY ANY OTHER OPTION that would probably be better.]
Yeah. From what I've heard, she seems self-centered like that.
[ and now put it like that gamaliel has the full easy picture of wow shadowheart is clearly just in an abusive relationship with a god-like being. well that's easy to deal with! (no) ]
Past tense. [ noting that while squeezing shadowheart's hand a little ] So you don't think that anymore?
[ does not quite manage to curb the hopefulness in her tone ]
Then don't go for it. She's only ever chosen you to get something out of it. She's manipulating you. [ which she assumes shadowheart realizes by now, but it bears repeating ] You're worth more than what she gives you.
[she does realize it, but it's not the kind of thing that's easy to change quickly. it still matters, to hear other people say it, to realize they mean it.]
...I know.
[at least that she's being manipulated. worth is a bit harder.]
He didn't... That wasn't it. He didn't invent the technology. People had been using it already. Governments. Corporations. [ she's not sure shadowheart even knows what a corporation... is. hm. ] It's... There was an issue with it. Where your mind would slowly fade until there was nothing left of yourself. He was trying to figure out how to fix it, because people were going to keep using it anyway, and it's--it was a dangerous thing. Not just for themselves. It gave them access to control and mess with parts of the world. It's...
[ she pauses again and when she starts, it sounds like a quote; ]
They were people, same as anyone. But with the power to set a building on fire without ever setting foot in it. The power to attack anyone from halfway around the world with barely any effort. Affect things so deeply in society some of them considered themselves gods. But they weren't. They were just people.
Back then, Caspian started looking for a way to fix their minds to give to only one person, so that they could police the rest of them. Be stronger and able to stop them if it came that far. And I didn't like what he was doing and who he was doing it with, but mostly I didn't like that he thought that person should be my dad.
[well, again, she lives in a world where there really are gods, and also very high level wizards.]
That does tend to be the tale, doesn't it? Mortals want to become gods, and then other mortals think only they ought to wield godlike power because their reasons are better.
[ i need you to know pantheon also has those things in a way ]
It's... fine. Or, well. It wasn't fine, for a long time, especially with what happened after that, but. [ shakes her head ] I don't know. There's a lot I still agree with when I think of what I said, and there's a lot I don't. I think that's what remembering youth is.
[yeah, but she did know, this was the real teenager saying all of this. maybe actually growing up is different; you realize that there maybe isn't ever a moment where you become an independent adult, no matter what it might seem.]
Is that to do with why you took such a young looking form?
Oh, there's a lot of reasons for that. The main one is that this was the form I was in when God came to talk to me, so I didn't see the point in changing back. Not that I can't.
Maybe it'd be easier for some of you if I looked physically older, but honestly I thought explaining the change after you all saw me the first time was more trouble than it's worth.
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I don't know. People were turning into kids, you'd think they'd assume weird things by default.
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[that’s just the part that’s depressing about it. She’s only known these people for a couple weeks but the thing is that’s as long as she can remember knowing any people, including herself.]
At the least, it’s over now. I’ll just have to explain myself more than I wanted to so they don’t think me a fanatic.
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[it wasn't an inaccurate picture, it's just that she is the worst sharran ever, but hasn't been ready to deal with what it would mean, to stop putting her faith in shar.
yeets you into a memory:
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Do you want to see more? [ do you want to learn more about yourself? phrasing it like that gamaliel realizes it's probably a yes, so she holds out a hand ] I can watch with you. Pull you away if you need it. Or just... stay if you need that.
[ sometimes you just need someone to stand in silence with you, in gam's opinion. ]
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[she'll take a hand. there's nothing too ugly in this memory for her now - what ifs, possibilities, mostly. she could have betrayed isobel, she could have let the inn fall. she didn't, and she's glad for that.
she doesn't really know what it would look like, if isobel died; it wasn't in her memories from the week before, even though she can remember the place she was when she knew isobel would die. when she chose to help shar gain the upper hand in her war against selûne.
mirrors show pieces of that memory. shadowheart, holding a bloodied spear, standing over the body of a woman in chains, feeling the power of the dark grow around her, knowing that any resistance against the shadow curse, particularly this small selûnite enclave, would be wiped out due to shar's wrath.
she felt nothing about it in that memory, but she doesn't particularly like to see it now.]
I think what bothered me was, there was really never any part of me that was tempted to betray her. [isobel she means, not shar.] Despite what I said, despite challenging her, there wasn't really even any question.
Lady Shar protected me from the shadow curse, and that pleased me so, because it felt that she'd chosen me, that she wanted to protect me specifically. But Isobel's protection, Selûne's protection, was given to everyone, every traveller who came through those lands. [she wasn't special, she wasn't loved, she wasn't the chosen one.] Even me, even though I already had Lady Shar's protection. [and she liked that. she could have refused and stood with shar, but she didn't.]
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Does it bother you that there's a version of you somewhere that was tempted? That this could have been your worst impulses in a different life?
[ because it is, to gamaliel, clearly a different life, if she didn't even think about it in this one. ]
Is that what you like so much about Shar? That she'd choose you? Even when she's hurting other people?
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I don't like knowing I'm capable of that, but I also just feel like a fool. Of course if I did everything she told me to do, the only one it would help was her. She gave me what she promised, but...
[the person left wasn't her anymore, wasn't recognizable.
it also makes her realize that, no, there's actually... not really anything that she likes about shar. she just always felt like she had to love shar because shar was who she was bound to.]
I wanted her to choose me, because I didn't think there was anyone else who would.
[if there is LITERALLY ANY OTHER OPTION that would probably be better.]
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[ and now put it like that gamaliel has the full easy picture of wow shadowheart is clearly just in an abusive relationship with a god-like being. well that's easy to deal with! (no) ]
Past tense. [ noting that while squeezing shadowheart's hand a little ] So you don't think that anymore?
[ does not quite manage to curb the hopefulness in her tone ]
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...I don't know about that, exactly. [at least no one is going to choose her to that same degree, but.] I don't like the future where she wins.
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...I know.
[at least that she's being manipulated. worth is a bit harder.]
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[ speaking of time until 13:30 here's a nice talk about time and life and death things! wow! ]
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I can see why most people from your time chose what he was offering them.
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He didn't... That wasn't it. He didn't invent the technology. People had been using it already. Governments. Corporations. [ she's not sure shadowheart even knows what a corporation... is. hm. ] It's... There was an issue with it. Where your mind would slowly fade until there was nothing left of yourself. He was trying to figure out how to fix it, because people were going to keep using it anyway, and it's--it was a dangerous thing. Not just for themselves. It gave them access to control and mess with parts of the world. It's...
[ she pauses again and when she starts, it sounds like a quote; ]
They were people, same as anyone. But with the power to set a building on fire without ever setting foot in it. The power to attack anyone from halfway around the world with barely any effort. Affect things so deeply in society some of them considered themselves gods. But they weren't. They were just people.
Back then, Caspian started looking for a way to fix their minds to give to only one person, so that they could police the rest of them. Be stronger and able to stop them if it came that far. And I didn't like what he was doing and who he was doing it with, but mostly I didn't like that he thought that person should be my dad.
[ just absolute insanity ]
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That does tend to be the tale, doesn't it? Mortals want to become gods, and then other mortals think only they ought to wield godlike power because their reasons are better.
I'm sorry about your father.
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It's... fine. Or, well. It wasn't fine, for a long time, especially with what happened after that, but. [ shakes her head ] I don't know. There's a lot I still agree with when I think of what I said, and there's a lot I don't. I think that's what remembering youth is.
[ looks exactly the same age ]
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Is that to do with why you took such a young looking form?
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Maybe it'd be easier for some of you if I looked physically older, but honestly I thought explaining the change after you all saw me the first time was more trouble than it's worth.
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I think whatever form you're comfortable with would not trouble me, but if this is the one that serves you best, that's fine by me.
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That's good. I like talking with you. [ a little teasingly. ]
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There's a little need.
[ the need is she likes to do it ]
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