Timing. Lack of understanding. There are various factors.
[the way that last week uruha did try to drop hints about something he otherwise keeps under lock and key but marcoh basically misinterpreted it as uruha trying to break up with him so he immediately stopped,]
[ ... she's finding it difficult to actually get him to talk, so she stops talking for a bit. ]
All I'm saying is that if you're spending more time with people, it's less time for yourself to compartmentalize, but it's not exactly helpful to say "it doesn't really matter." But I suppose if you don't think it does, why should other people?
he frowns, but the emotions are that he feels appropriately scolded.]
I'm... not good at making people feel better. It's not my strong suit. You've probably noticed. [...] Getting into how I feel about things has never really helped anyone.
I've noticed. And I'm going to give you a similar answer I gave Marcoh. How can you expect people to talk to you and trust you with how they feel if you don't keep trying yourself? It may be awkward and hard and weird but that's why you tell people it's difficult for you and explain your thoughts instead of giving up when things go poorly.
Marcoh and I talk about a lot of things when he comes to see me. Why? [ she's also not confirming if that's what she meant because if this gets uruha to talk then so be it. ]
Just curious. I'm glad he has someone to discuss this stuff with, though.
[but he'll go back to the original topic.]
It's not really just about it being awkward or hard, though. I'm not like Marcoh, who means well but isn't good with words. [a little shrug.] I'm aware that I'm more ruthless than most, and that I'm better at focusing on the practical. But that's not what everyone wants to hear when they're going through it.
But I don't think everyone wants people holding back either because they'll just feel guilty in the end that they weren't able to really talk you through whatever you're thinking. Even if you feel fine, people tend to value honesty.
Besides, I think sometimes the practical is what a person needs anyway. Even just listening to someone without being able to comfort them necessarily can help because sometimes people just need to talk.
Mm. Well, it's not like I never say anything, either. It's just more difficult if someone expects you to sit down and start talking about this stuff at length.
[he's better at giving it in bits and pieces, rather than in a ramble.]
Because you feel pressured to say everything all at once and you're not sure how it'll sound to them? Or because you don't know how to explain it at all?
What if it isn't exactly expected and they're just offering you the chance to say what you may be thinking? I don't think everyone knows exactly what to say at all times.
It's a nice thought, but even if that's someone's intention, that doesn't mean they can necessarily stick to it.
[people aren't always going to stay silent if you say something they disagree with, etc. even if they initially meant to just listen.
again, he shrugs.]
I speak my thoughts when I'm willing, and I don't when I'm not. It's as simple as that. [...] I know what you're thinking, and I promise this isn't a case where I'm just... bottling everything up, refusing to confide in anyone ever. I've known people like that, and I don't want to inflict that on others.
[but it is the kind of thing where he very much has to take it at his own pace, rather than someone else's.]
[ well that's something of a relief, even if she's still thinking this over and trying to puzzle things out. ]
That's something, at least. I feel as though bottling it up would really make it worse. [ but... ] How do you decide when you do and don't feel like saying anything?
[ some people are not the best judges of themselves. ]
... I don't think feelings are the kind of thing where you can easily lay out a pre-planned schematic—that under this situation, you'll feel and do this, and under another situation, you'll feel and do that.
It's just a matter of when it happens, if I feel like it's something that'll help me or the other person.
Some are. For instance, I don't tell everyone my thoughts if we aren't close. And then others it's about judging their mood to see how they might hear what I have to say. I mean like that.
All I'm saying is that you have to try a little when it comes to that balance. Giving too much isn't the answer. But holding back too much isn't either.
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Do you compartmentalize yourself around him, too?
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[sometimes.]
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[ she has a point she's working toward. ]
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Timing. Lack of understanding. There are various factors.
[the way that last week uruha did try to drop hints about something he otherwise keeps under lock and key but marcoh basically misinterpreted it as uruha trying to break up with him so he immediately stopped,]
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A lack of understanding? How so?
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Misinterpreting things, and then the conversation gets off track. It doesn't really matter.
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All I'm saying is that if you're spending more time with people, it's less time for yourself to compartmentalize, but it's not exactly helpful to say "it doesn't really matter." But I suppose if you don't think it does, why should other people?
[ this is a new point she's planning to make. ]
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he frowns, but the emotions are that he feels appropriately scolded.]
I'm... not good at making people feel better. It's not my strong suit. You've probably noticed. [...] Getting into how I feel about things has never really helped anyone.
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I've noticed. And I'm going to give you a similar answer I gave Marcoh. How can you expect people to talk to you and trust you with how they feel if you don't keep trying yourself? It may be awkward and hard and weird but that's why you tell people it's difficult for you and explain your thoughts instead of giving up when things go poorly.
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Wait, Marcoh is talking to you about this kind of stuff?
[DISTRACTED BY THAT.]
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Marcoh and I talk about a lot of things when he comes to see me. Why? [ she's also not confirming if that's what she meant because if this gets uruha to talk then so be it. ]
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[but he'll go back to the original topic.]
It's not really just about it being awkward or hard, though. I'm not like Marcoh, who means well but isn't good with words. [a little shrug.] I'm aware that I'm more ruthless than most, and that I'm better at focusing on the practical. But that's not what everyone wants to hear when they're going through it.
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Besides, I think sometimes the practical is what a person needs anyway. Even just listening to someone without being able to comfort them necessarily can help because sometimes people just need to talk.
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[he's better at giving it in bits and pieces, rather than in a ramble.]
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A bit of both?
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[people aren't always going to stay silent if you say something they disagree with, etc. even if they initially meant to just listen.
again, he shrugs.]
I speak my thoughts when I'm willing, and I don't when I'm not. It's as simple as that. [...] I know what you're thinking, and I promise this isn't a case where I'm just... bottling everything up, refusing to confide in anyone ever. I've known people like that, and I don't want to inflict that on others.
[but it is the kind of thing where he very much has to take it at his own pace, rather than someone else's.]
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That's something, at least. I feel as though bottling it up would really make it worse. [ but... ] How do you decide when you do and don't feel like saying anything?
[ some people are not the best judges of themselves. ]
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It's just a matter of when it happens, if I feel like it's something that'll help me or the other person.
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[he is more of an intuition kind of person.]
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All I'm saying is that you have to try a little when it comes to that balance. Giving too much isn't the answer. But holding back too much isn't either.
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