[ why are the emotions suddenly a little guilty and also a little annoyed (not at her) ]
No, I died. She knew that I had to in order to upload, and then... I was erased after that. Ramiel managed to pull me out and spent twenty years trying to remove the pieces of the antiviral from me, but she ran out of time and had to wake me up before it was too late. She needed me for something, and I knew that overclocking to catch up on the missed time would probably eliminate the time I had left, but I didn't have another option. I made the choice.
[ it was just harder after the fact because he saw gamaliel again and realized he really was going to die on her twice. this is about the point he realizes that's not even really what elysia was referencing in terms of when he might've left gams on read. ]
I don't know how, exactly, she did it but she brought me back again a while later. And we were working stuff out and... I didn't think she'd notice if I was gone for a few months. That's barely anything to us anymore.
[ she's not as gungho about romance as yves or koharu are, but when things read as romantic to her, she'll note it.
she does understand having to make a choice to leave, having no other option but to. she understands that all too well. ]
I can't speak for her, and I don't know how she feels about it, but I would have liked to know. Even if a few months is a drop in the ocean that's your sense of time, if I loved you, I would have liked to know.
[ she smiles. ]
At least now you two can continue to work it out now, right? Once we can connect more.
It's complicated. I don't think she would have been able to if she didn't know it'd work out. There was only one specific time, in one specific place, where she was alive, I could be alive, and our son would be alive. But maybe it is romantic to want to still be with me after all of this when I still think she deserved better.
[ and yet someone really tried to tell her he was dead again and she went "he's not getting off that easy" before yanking him into the correct timeline. it's fine. ]
Are we ignoring the part where she and Ramiel also said yes to the job without telling me? [ bemused. ] But I know. I should have. Maybe then we would've connected the sides sooner. My goal is to make everything's stable to return you to that side when your souls are healed. My relationship with Maddie's secondary.
[ first of all, no it's not, he's lowkey chomping at the walls to get back over there. second of all, does not register he just gave her actual name instead but whatever. ]
[ she's happy to get all this. thank you for the name and for the details that tell her just how romantic it is. at least she can be mostly normal about it. she smiles. ]
I'm weak to cute girls.
[ she'll cop to a double standard. ]
But if it could only one specific time, one specific place, that says more than enough. Why do so much, if she didn't want to try? If she didn't think you were worth it? I would appreciate it if someone like her said she still wanted to be with me even after leaving them not once but twice.
I think you can make both your goal at the same level. We're important. You're important. Your relationship is important. I don't think we need to rank it when it's possible to do all of them.
[ is there any foundation for her confidence or optimism? maybe not, but it's here. ]
That... makes two of us. [ listen, he's fine to admit that? of course he's weak to cute girls, look at his wife. ] But good to know where I stand in all of this.
[ ... ]
... Maddie's lost a lot of people in her life. She would've done probably anything to save all of us if she could. And... even if we might start over again, maybe we'll have a better shot this time.
[ he doesn't say anything for a second as he contemplates. ]
You don't think half the people in this place would get mad if I shifted some of my priorities around? Maybe they don't need to be ranked, but actually acknowledging it is different. I do think solving one will lead to solving the others though. And as nice as it is to see you, I never wanted you here. Or any of you. We were meant to be emergency back-up. And now it's almost a given the balance is going to change.
[ this is mostly kiraman once again taking on full responsibility for something and doubling down on his focus. ]
There's always hope if you have a future, if you get a second chance. If you're both willing to try and it's what you both want, why wouldn't it work out? It might not be easy, but from speaking to the both of you, you're both determined enough to accomplish it.
[ what with all the timelines and dying and coming back to life and dying and coming back to life. she gets it. she just wants better for them both. ]
I don't think you're the type to abandon your duty since you just told me how you chose to leave to do what you knew was right for the greater good. That's why I felt it was okay to say that to you. I know I haven't known you long, but it's a feeling I have after talking to you. You're always there monitoring and giving us information when you can.
It feels more to me like you'd abandon your chance at love for your duty first, so I think it's okay if this balance shifts a little, too. We're all here to offer what help we can. You're not alone in shouldering all the responsibility even if what we can do is limited.
[ he doesn't say anything, but the emotional feedback is basically something akin to agreement. slight gratitude. a little worry, because they're still separated, and because he does still carry the weight of the world in a way he knows he should probably not. ]
She got mad the first time I said I was gonna be the one to stop him. Because it was different, because she loved me. [ and gamaliel saying that is just one of the two things she's said to change his entire brain chemistry. ] So, okay. Maybe you're right. And maybe... a shift in the balance is okay, because all roads are leading back to that side anyway. [ it's fair. ]
There are going to be things you'll all need to do to help. Most of all focusing on your own healing. If your soul's not in the right shape by the time I fix the gate, we still can't let you leave. So it's not just about helping me, it's about helping each other, too.
A path for everybody. Right. [ thanks elysia. listen, he could talk about maddie all day if somebody let him because the man is so stupidly in love but he won't. instead... ]
What makes you say that anyway? I admire the confidence about the state of your soul, but. [ ma'am? ]
[ noooo she wants to listen to him talk about maddie all day, but she is fair(?) enough to answer a question directed at her when she basically ran him through 20 questions. ]
Because Elysia is Elysia, and just like how Gamaliel brought you back, I was also brought back by all my friends.
If I didn't have confidence in that, it'd be a great disservice to them.
[ she can ask him another 20 questions after she answers his 20 because he lifts both eyebrows in surprise and actually looks at her instead of watching where he's walking. ]
Brought back... how? [ he is polite enough not to go "what are you" but the question very much is "what are you?" which is rich, considering he's not exactly human anymore either. ] What happened?
I don't know how similar it is to your situation, but I'm a simulation. In a way, a copy, even if I'd say I'm still as much as Elysia as the one who existed outside where I'm from. Through a combination of technology and psychic abilities, a realm made from memories was created, so anyone who could could endure uploading all their memories could create a simulation of themself to live in that realm.
[ she isn't the tech or science savvy person of her group nor is she even the psychic ability user of her group, but she tries her best with explanations. ]
We shouldn't be able to deleted from the Elysian Realm, but I was by an unexpected and unwanted visitor, and my friends had to get creative and brought me back.
[ she says casually, even if it really wasn't a casual event. ]
A little similar. UIs and CIs are simulations, in a way. Digital uploads of the original minds and then creations made from two UIs. The difference is most UIs aren't copies. They're the same person.
[ does not explain why he says most. ]
So those memories created a cloud for other simulations to upload themselves to and live there. [ this is how he makes sense of it. hilariously similar. ] I feel like you're very calm about the fact you were deleted to begin with, Elysia. Did something come after you to erase you, too?
[ most can be a later topic, but she listens and nods. it makes sense to her. same but different. ]
Doesn't it become dangerous that way? If someone could come after you digitally?
[ what kind of failsafes do you have in pantheon ]
Someone who can corrupt. She could corrupt the data and the realm, but it's not something she could do all at once. She came after me because the engineer who made the technology gave me a privilege no one else had. I can delete the entire realm, if it became necessary.
Sure. But it's dangerous being alive, too. [ ... ] When the first UIs were discovered, shit went down and people got scared. An antiviral was created to seek them out and eliminate them. Years later, even when more and more people accepted uploading as a way of life, there were still embodied humans who didn't. If you destroy the digital copy, or where the copy is stored, without a back-up, that's it.
[ ...hello? ]
Sounds pretty powerful. And you get to be the one to pick when you delete the realm? [ thinking... ] Was deleting the realm the only way to stop her then?
That's a fair point. It's dangerous in all forms of existence. That it becomes a new way of life for your world.... it must have offered a lot of benefits. It's a bit different for me. More limited in how many people could've become sims like me.
[ ah. this is where she looks a little sheepish. the emotionshare is the same, but she nods. ]
She's already propagated herself into the realm's system, so in order to keep her from escaping to the real world and corrupting other people and machines, that's the best solution, but...
She deleted me a second time before I could finish it.
I fixed the flaw. That meant it was safer for people to upload. [ so yes, like that.
anyway he hates that. ]
It's a bigger goal than what some people have, I'll give you that. [ better, maybe, but he knows better than to outright say that. ] One of those things where you have that confidence to keep going because if you even think about stopping it'll be hard to start again?
Hehe, that's why I have faith you'll fix our connection soon.
[ she wouldn't judge him if he said better. his opinions are his, and she likes learning about what people think, however controversial the thoughts may be. ]
I wouldn't put anyone in my position. [ not because she doesn't think anyone couldn't do what she's done or will do but because she wouldn't want anyone to have bear any of the weights given to her. ] I don't know if there's much that would make me think about stopping, but even if that happened, I know I would finish it. There's no way I could let the Flame-Chasers have such a sad ending. It has to be something worthy of them. There's no way I could let the memories of all my friends go to waste like that.
No, I get it. [ probably a little more than he wants to admit. ] Guess it's a good thing then that this isn't the last stop for you. Once your soul heals, and once I get the transportation gate fixed again, we're heading back to that side and then it's between you and God. But I think they would probably agree something like that is a change for the better of your world.
That's the whole point of judgment day. As long as you're back over on that side, you have time to meet with them. And that's why I'm working to beat the deadline.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ is this what she's hearing? ]
no subject
No, I died. She knew that I had to in order to upload, and then... I was erased after that. Ramiel managed to pull me out and spent twenty years trying to remove the pieces of the antiviral from me, but she ran out of time and had to wake me up before it was too late. She needed me for something, and I knew that overclocking to catch up on the missed time would probably eliminate the time I had left, but I didn't have another option. I made the choice.
[ it was just harder after the fact because he saw gamaliel again and realized he really was going to die on her twice. this is about the point he realizes that's not even really what elysia was referencing in terms of when he might've left gams on read. ]
I don't know how, exactly, she did it but she brought me back again a while later. And we were working stuff out and... I didn't think she'd notice if I was gone for a few months. That's barely anything to us anymore.
no subject
[ she's not as gungho about romance as yves or koharu are, but when things read as romantic to her, she'll note it.
she does understand having to make a choice to leave, having no other option but to. she understands that all too well. ]
I can't speak for her, and I don't know how she feels about it, but I would have liked to know. Even if a few months is a drop in the ocean that's your sense of time, if I loved you, I would have liked to know.
[ she smiles. ]
At least now you two can continue to work it out now, right? Once we can connect more.
no subject
[ and yet someone really tried to tell her he was dead again and she went "he's not getting off that easy" before yanking him into the correct timeline. it's fine. ]
Are we ignoring the part where she and Ramiel also said yes to the job without telling me? [ bemused. ] But I know. I should have. Maybe then we would've connected the sides sooner. My goal is to make everything's stable to return you to that side when your souls are healed. My relationship with Maddie's secondary.
[ first of all, no it's not, he's lowkey chomping at the walls to get back over there. second of all, does not register he just gave her actual name instead but whatever. ]
no subject
I'm weak to cute girls.
[ she'll cop to a double standard. ]
But if it could only one specific time, one specific place, that says more than enough. Why do so much, if she didn't want to try? If she didn't think you were worth it? I would appreciate it if someone like her said she still wanted to be with me even after leaving them not once but twice.
I think you can make both your goal at the same level. We're important. You're important. Your relationship is important. I don't think we need to rank it when it's possible to do all of them.
[ is there any foundation for her confidence or optimism? maybe not, but it's here. ]
no subject
[ ... ]
... Maddie's lost a lot of people in her life. She would've done probably anything to save all of us if she could. And... even if we might start over again, maybe we'll have a better shot this time.
[ he doesn't say anything for a second as he contemplates. ]
You don't think half the people in this place would get mad if I shifted some of my priorities around? Maybe they don't need to be ranked, but actually acknowledging it is different. I do think solving one will lead to solving the others though. And as nice as it is to see you, I never wanted you here. Or any of you. We were meant to be emergency back-up. And now it's almost a given the balance is going to change.
[ this is mostly kiraman once again taking on full responsibility for something and doubling down on his focus. ]
no subject
[ what with all the timelines and dying and coming back to life and dying and coming back to life. she gets it. she just wants better for them both. ]
I don't think you're the type to abandon your duty since you just told me how you chose to leave to do what you knew was right for the greater good. That's why I felt it was okay to say that to you. I know I haven't known you long, but it's a feeling I have after talking to you. You're always there monitoring and giving us information when you can.
It feels more to me like you'd abandon your chance at love for your duty first, so I think it's okay if this balance shifts a little, too. We're all here to offer what help we can. You're not alone in shouldering all the responsibility even if what we can do is limited.
no subject
She got mad the first time I said I was gonna be the one to stop him. Because it was different, because she loved me. [ and gamaliel saying that is just one of the two things she's said to change his entire brain chemistry. ] So, okay. Maybe you're right. And maybe... a shift in the balance is okay, because all roads are leading back to that side anyway. [ it's fair. ]
There are going to be things you'll all need to do to help. Most of all focusing on your own healing. If your soul's not in the right shape by the time I fix the gate, we still can't let you leave. So it's not just about helping me, it's about helping each other, too.
no subject
I'm so happy we agree. We're on this path together, and it's a path for all of us. For you, for her, for me, and everyone else.
[ she flashes a peace sign. ]
I don't think you have to worry about my healing. I'm pretty resilient in all ways. I don't know what my soul looks like, but I'm sure it's robust.
[ she has nothing to base this on. ]
no subject
What makes you say that anyway? I admire the confidence about the state of your soul, but. [ ma'am? ]
no subject
Because Elysia is Elysia, and just like how Gamaliel brought you back, I was also brought back by all my friends.
If I didn't have confidence in that, it'd be a great disservice to them.
no subject
Brought back... how? [ he is polite enough not to go "what are you" but the question very much is "what are you?" which is rich, considering he's not exactly human anymore either. ] What happened?
no subject
[ she isn't the tech or science savvy person of her group nor is she even the psychic ability user of her group, but she tries her best with explanations. ]
We shouldn't be able to deleted from the Elysian Realm, but I was by an unexpected and unwanted visitor, and my friends had to get creative and brought me back.
[ she says casually, even if it really wasn't a casual event. ]
no subject
A little similar. UIs and CIs are simulations, in a way. Digital uploads of the original minds and then creations made from two UIs. The difference is most UIs aren't copies. They're the same person.
[ does not explain why he says most. ]
So those memories created a cloud for other simulations to upload themselves to and live there. [ this is how he makes sense of it. hilariously similar. ] I feel like you're very calm about the fact you were deleted to begin with, Elysia. Did something come after you to erase you, too?
no subject
Doesn't it become dangerous that way? If someone could come after you digitally?
[ what kind of failsafes do you have in pantheon ]
Someone who can corrupt. She could corrupt the data and the realm, but it's not something she could do all at once. She came after me because the engineer who made the technology gave me a privilege no one else had. I can delete the entire realm, if it became necessary.
no subject
[ ...hello? ]
Sounds pretty powerful. And you get to be the one to pick when you delete the realm? [ thinking... ] Was deleting the realm the only way to stop her then?
no subject
[ ah. this is where she looks a little sheepish. the emotionshare is the same, but she nods. ]
She's already propagated herself into the realm's system, so in order to keep her from escaping to the real world and corrupting other people and machines, that's the best solution, but...
She deleted me a second time before I could finish it.
no subject
[ so you know. but hm. he's in this picture and doesn't like it, exactly. ]
And that's how you ended up here, I'm guessing. That's the thing you have to get back to in order to stop her?
no subject
[ like how some books only become famous only after an author died. ]
Bingo on both counts. That's why I have to have that confidence.
[ she has it naturally, but there's more meaning to it now. ]
no subject
anyway he hates that. ]
It's a bigger goal than what some people have, I'll give you that. [ better, maybe, but he knows better than to outright say that. ] One of those things where you have that confidence to keep going because if you even think about stopping it'll be hard to start again?
no subject
[ she wouldn't judge him if he said better. his opinions are his, and she likes learning about what people think, however controversial the thoughts may be. ]
I wouldn't put anyone in my position. [ not because she doesn't think anyone couldn't do what she's done or will do but because she wouldn't want anyone to have bear any of the weights given to her. ] I don't know if there's much that would make me think about stopping, but even if that happened, I know I would finish it. There's no way I could let the Flame-Chasers have such a sad ending. It has to be something worthy of them. There's no way I could let the memories of all my friends go to waste like that.
no subject
no subject
Will we all be granted some kind of audience with them at the end?
no subject
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)