[ okay. well, without the glow, it's much easier to see the fact that he's surprised by this. a little weirdly touched. but mostly surprised, but he'll go ahead and take the bouquet. ]
... I like these ones. [ mostly because they're nice to look at when things feel abysmal. ] I'd say "you didn't have to" and you'd tell me to shut up, probably, so I'll skip that ten seconds of dialogue and just settle on "thanks, these are nice."
You could always tell me I'm wrong. [ instead of just letting it go. but he's now holding flowers in one hand and his cigarette in another and it means he has zero hands to rub his face which he sorely wants to because... yeah. ]
It's... fine. It was a long time coming, and I was prepared for some of the responses I got.
[ he sort of smirks about it but just because he thinks it's funny. fine, fine, no fighting about it. ]
Yeah, well. I won't disagree with that. But being the authority figure of Heaven or whatever, I kind of also have to agree that I'm partially to blame for all of this shit happening.
[ he's not sure he does anymore, is the thing, and he didn't exactly want to be in the first place, but it was part of the agreement and he knew this probably wouldn't be easy. ]
I do believe in this project. But maybe I'm just thinking about how to fix it for the future. Or if it has a future.
You said this whole thing with the murder and the entity was never meant to happen in the first place, didn't you? Maybe you shouldn't judge based on this trainwreck.
...yeah. Yeah, the whole thing went sideways really fast that I don't even know if it would've worked the way I wanted it to without the interference. That's kind of the shitty part? But I know there are some other flaws in the design. And I know there are some things that are unfair, like letting people meet for months and then having to send them back without me building a way for you guys to see each other again. I know.
It's... a lot to send you back at all. But I still think if you earned it, you should. All of you died way too young or in situations you shouldn't have anyway.
...So we really won't be able to see each other again, after this?
[ he can't help the rumble of disappointment going through him at that. it's the one thing he'd wanted, even if his hopes for it were already dreadfully low. he's never been much of an optimist. ]
We still don't even know what the criteria for earning it is. [ frowns at him. ] And you're not that much older than me. What about you?
... I'm sorry. I wanted to try and find a way, but I don't think with my abilities being how they are and with the state of the cosmos it's something I can do. Not without causing universal collapse by tapping into over thirty worlds to allow constant traffic in and out from other worlds. But maybe... with as many places as there are, maybe it's something someone can figure out how to do as a starting point in their world and open that way. In other domains where it's easier to justify.
[ he knows it sucks. he knows how badly it sucks to leave people you actually want to be with. ]
The criteria was always just about being a good person and trying to think about the things in your life that would and could improve if you went back. What sort of things you would do, being more honest with yourselves, improving on bad habits to try and be better... there's no specific rubric on it because it's gonna look different for everybody. [ and this is what it's been the whole time. it's just about showing improvements. ]
What about me? [ he's god? what does that matter. ]
No, no, I think... that's kind of what I was expecting, anyway. Going between worlds is supposed to be impossible.
[ of course it is. he'd thought so from the start, because even something as simple as hearing about all these other worlds sounded like too much. just something from a story, one to let the imaginations of kids run wild. not reality.
it does change perspective on a few things, though. there are only a couple days left... they'll have to make the most of it while they can. ]
Sure, but that still makes it a lot harder to work for when it's something that vague.
[ he's gotta understand that, right?
also. raises an eyebrow. ] You also died pretty young? Clearly?
I know. I'm still trying to find alternatives or even just enhancing your phones but with everything else happening... [ it's been hard. still making attempts, but there's only so much that can be done. ] I'm sorry. I know that's not an answer anybody wants to hear.
[ but he does, so... ]
What's vague about self-reflection, you think? Or about trying to be a better person? [ it's not a challenge so much as a genuine question. ] I think people are more aware of their flaws than they think they are, and only in taking them out of their environments and giving them time and space and new perspectives can they start thinking of what might have gone wrong, how they want to reshape themselves, and taking chances they wouldn't have before. That was more the point than anything. How can a person do better if they're just looping in the same pattern over and over?
[ hm... there's a strange flicker of an emotion at his own words, but he bats it away in favor of laurence's other question. ]
I did. But it's not like it wasn't my own fault, or that it makes much of a difference. I'm actually surprised I ended up here when I figured I'd just stop existing after that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ then he'll just produce a small bouquet of plumerias. ]
Figured I may as well keep up the tradition. I brought some every time I've seen you, so why stop now?
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... I like these ones. [ mostly because they're nice to look at when things feel abysmal. ] I'd say "you didn't have to" and you'd tell me to shut up, probably, so I'll skip that ten seconds of dialogue and just settle on "thanks, these are nice."
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Well, good. Looked like you were having a hard enough time talking to everyone as it is.
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It's... fine. It was a long time coming, and I was prepared for some of the responses I got.
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[ under other circumstances he might tho ]
Still. Sounds like if anyone's at fault here, it's the old god, not you. And Mary.
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Yeah, well. I won't disagree with that. But being the authority figure of Heaven or whatever, I kind of also have to agree that I'm partially to blame for all of this shit happening.
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anyway he looks a little like he wants to argue but he doesn't. ]
You don't sound like you actually want to be the authority figure here, even if you believe in this whole program.
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I do believe in this project. But maybe I'm just thinking about how to fix it for the future. Or if it has a future.
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[ he's still mad at claude specifically. ]
But no, I meant the whole situation. The program or whatever.
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It's... a lot to send you back at all. But I still think if you earned it, you should. All of you died way too young or in situations you shouldn't have anyway.
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[ he can't help the rumble of disappointment going through him at that. it's the one thing he'd wanted, even if his hopes for it were already dreadfully low. he's never been much of an optimist. ]
We still don't even know what the criteria for earning it is. [ frowns at him. ] And you're not that much older than me. What about you?
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... I'm sorry. I wanted to try and find a way, but I don't think with my abilities being how they are and with the state of the cosmos it's something I can do. Not without causing universal collapse by tapping into over thirty worlds to allow constant traffic in and out from other worlds. But maybe... with as many places as there are, maybe it's something someone can figure out how to do as a starting point in their world and open that way. In other domains where it's easier to justify.
[ he knows it sucks. he knows how badly it sucks to leave people you actually want to be with. ]
The criteria was always just about being a good person and trying to think about the things in your life that would and could improve if you went back. What sort of things you would do, being more honest with yourselves, improving on bad habits to try and be better... there's no specific rubric on it because it's gonna look different for everybody. [ and this is what it's been the whole time. it's just about showing improvements. ]
What about me? [ he's god? what does that matter. ]
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[ of course it is. he'd thought so from the start, because even something as simple as hearing about all these other worlds sounded like too much. just something from a story, one to let the imaginations of kids run wild. not reality.
it does change perspective on a few things, though. there are only a couple days left... they'll have to make the most of it while they can. ]
Sure, but that still makes it a lot harder to work for when it's something that vague.
[ he's gotta understand that, right?
also. raises an eyebrow. ] You also died pretty young? Clearly?
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[ but he does, so... ]
What's vague about self-reflection, you think? Or about trying to be a better person? [ it's not a challenge so much as a genuine question. ] I think people are more aware of their flaws than they think they are, and only in taking them out of their environments and giving them time and space and new perspectives can they start thinking of what might have gone wrong, how they want to reshape themselves, and taking chances they wouldn't have before. That was more the point than anything. How can a person do better if they're just looping in the same pattern over and over?
[ hm... there's a strange flicker of an emotion at his own words, but he bats it away in favor of laurence's other question. ]
I did. But it's not like it wasn't my own fault, or that it makes much of a difference. I'm actually surprised I ended up here when I figured I'd just stop existing after that.