Audience - Wiš'adel

[holyspirits]

Comments

[holyspirits]

[ a snort. ]

While I don't disagree... wanna tell me about it?

[sarkazm]

[another drink.]

If I say it was Anders, does that explain enough?

[holyspirits]

[ ah... ]

Little bit. [ a long sip of their own. ] Turned you down, huh.

[sarkazm]

Sort of? I wasn't exactly asking for anything.

[a half-shrug.]

It's-- complicated.

[holyspirits]

Because of Hawke or... ?

[sarkazm]

That's part of it, yeah. Awkward when the guy he may or may not be broken up with is watching! And when he isn't even sure he's broken it off!

[pain in the ass. hawke's not worth it.]

[holyspirits]

Well... kinda have to respect wanting the space to figure it out, right?

[sarkazm]

And I do. It's better for him, anyway, he needs to get away from-- well, everything. The situation back there, the pressure, all of that.

[holyspirits]

There's a lot of moving parts here and there. [ there's a low, thoughtful noise. ] So why'd you tell him?

[ does not blame her, but simply curious. ]

[sarkazm]

...just tired of regrets, I guess.

[she says after a second.]

If I'm going anywhere, it's going to be Terra, so-- decent odds I might not see people again? And it's not like I love the guy or something. That'd be wayyy too much.

[but she's thinking about it enough that there's a fragment of something that manifests from her thoughts, imaginary but present. a frustrated past w telling another woman: i remember-- all this shit that doesn't even matter! but i can't... i can't remember the last conversation i had with her.

she's just decided not to leave things unsaid. even if that meant admitting she cared about a person.]

[holyspirits]

[ they don't reply, because they're taking this thought into account, along with what she says. ]

I get it. With everything that's happened here, I think a lot of people are finding there are things they wished they could have said. And without knowing what's coming after, it makes sense to get it out now.

Did you tell him that?

[sarkazm]

Yeah, I did. Just-- that I wanted to say it.

In my defense, I didn't actually know it was this complicated for him, he definitely gave me the impression before that he broke shit off with Hawke!

[holyspirits]

I haven't actually asked him about it. I let Anders tell me whatever he wants to tell me. But even so, breakups are messy. Sometimes you don't even stay broken up.

[sarkazm]

Giving a shit's wayyyy more trouble than it's worth.

...not like this changes anything, though.

[holyspirits]

Of course it doesn't. Giving a shit sucks, but you can't really turn off your feelings that easily. Much as I would like that to be true.

[sarkazm]

Voice of experience there, huh?

[holyspirits]

Enough, I guess. Most of my breakups have been mutual, or I didn't care that much by the time they happened.

[sarkazm]

Sounds like a little bit of a rough love life.

[holyspirits]

I sort of always figured most of my relationships wouldn't be serious or last too long. Think the longest so far's been about a year?

[sarkazm]

Just not the type to be interested in longer ones, or is it more that they just don't work out that way?

[holyspirits]

Latter, mostly, dipping into the former. I know in the end I wasn't really ready for a long relationship, and definitely not here.

[ a longer one might've been nice, once, but that would mean meeting better people. ]

[sarkazm]

...yeah, tough when the opportunity's not really there.

[by circumstance, or otherwise.]

That's more or less why I've just never bothered.

[holyspirits]

I'd say maybe when you go back you can have an opportunity, but if you get the chance to go back you're probably gonna be busy with other stuff anyway. Right?

[sarkazm]

Right. There's still plenty of work to do in Kazdel.

People keep trying to talk me out of heading home if I get the chance, but they don't really get it, you know?

[holyspirits]

Sometimes you have a duty to a place you just can't quit. Or even outside of that, you've put so much work into it you don't want to leave. Where do you think you'd even want to go if you could?