Audience - Wiš'adel

[holyspirits]

Comments

[hotfixer]

I suspect the problem is that you don't actually want to start a fire.

You just want to bother people using fire as your medium.

[sarkazm]

Are you trying to psychoanalyze me again?

[hotfixer]

No. Psychoanalysis would be saying that you like the chaos because it makes you feel dangerous, unpredictable, and untouchable, which in turn makes you feel safer. You learned that destruction was inevitable, and so the best thing you could do to feel in control was cause it yourself.

Destruction is protection, both in a literal, physical sense, and in an emotional one.

But I really don't think I'm qualified for that kind of thing.

[sarkazm]

I don't know about all that, but I do know there's benefits to people thinking you're crazy and unpredictable. They pretty much just stop questioning anything you decide to do.

[hotfixer]

I don't know about all that either.

[ like she said. not qualified. ]

So it's about forcing your way and ignoring the wishes of others?

[sarkazm]

Sometimes! It all depends, you know?

[hotfixer]

It varies too much to be defined.

Unpredictable.

[sarkazm]

Exactly! Just how I like it to be.

[hotfixer]

[ does not point out that this was part of her psychoanalysis. ]

When you ignore the will of others, do you do it because yours will benefit them in ways they don't realize? Or just because it will benefit yourself at their expense?

[sarkazm]

It's been both, before. These days? Usually it's because their will is going to end up doing some damage.

[hotfixer]

So it's harm reduction.

[sarkazm]

Usually.

Like I said... depends on the situation. Sometimes that means causing some damage of my own to get there.

[hotfixer]

But you tend to have a motivation beyond the destruction itself. You like to destroy things for a purpose.

[sarkazm]

Oh, that? I've definitely blown shit up just to see it before!

...buuut I'm not made of money, so it's not really a habit.

[hotfixer]

Maybe you would find fulfilment in construction work. There is a lot of demolition still involved.

[sarkazm]

Look, it's a good effort and all, but I'm being serious when I say stuff like this is literally in a Sarkaz's blood!

[well. they no longer have the rage and grief of their collective ancestors in their heads but like, that's recent, she's always lived that way.]

[hotfixer]

I'm still unclear on what specifically is in a Sarkaz' blood.

[sarkazm]

It's hard to explain, if you aren't already one of us. But the myriad souls, all our ancestors, all the Sarkaz who came before us... the world's always kind of treated us like shit, and they remember all of it. They want us to remember all of it.

They say we're a part of the myriad before our lives even begin, so there's just no escaping all the dusty history they're pissed about! I don't know why they have to make it our problem.

[hotfixer]

What does carrying that history look like? Many people have ancestors who come from war and conflict. What makes the Sarkaz unable to escape that past, if not just that the conflict is ongoing?

[sarkazm]

I told you, it's in our blood. We feel it.

[hotfixer]

I suppose it's just something I can't imagine. Many people feel the weight of their ancestry emotionally, but I don't understand what it means to physically feel it.

[sarkazm]

It's like...

[she's quiet, thinking of how to explain.]

It isn't words. But I saw a vision of them, once, where I could hear them, and it was all... we will never be saved. No one can escape suffering, for we once suffered. No one can escape hatred, for we once hated. The senseless deaths and shattered hopes-- where is paradise or peace?

[...]

Whenever anyone does you wrong, whenever anybody looks at you sideways just 'cause you're Sarkaz, you can feel it. It's just always in you. When you fight, they want you to do it. You just... know that what you're supposed to do is fight back, and kill, and lash out.

[hotfixer]

[ this just sounds like experiencing racism but also you had a dream about it once ]

Do you think that it's better to do what your ancestors and blood tell you to do? Or to make your own choices?

[sarkazm]

Make our own, obviously. I don't give a shit about what a bunch of dusty old farts want! They're gone already, it's not their life.

[hotfixer]

I think so too. It's important to overcome the expectations of your creators.