Is there such a thing as an idea of goodness where you're from, Shadowheart? [ they are asking out of curiosity and mostly because they've asked this before and a few times to people, and it interests them to see what may be said. ]
What if God were able to send you back to a time before the chance passed?
Shar teaches her disciples to value secrecy and deception. To move in the night under cover of dark, to act decisively in her name. We believe that "moral codes," principles of goodness and charity, are nothing but illusions meant to burden us, to weigh us down with false hopes. There is nothing but the pure darkness, the nothingness. Most of what you would deem "good," we only see as distractions, and those helped are only prevented from truly embracing loss and knowing Shar.
[it's just nihilism, though she explains in a tone that it both passionate and practiced, like she's learned what she's meant to say. and then to answer the rest of the question, her tone shifts to something less polished.]
The Nightsong is a person. I hesitated to kill her.
You know, it would be very helpful if you gave that sort of information before someone asks questions that sound stupid later. [ a little huffy, but that is just because they are slightly embarrassed that it may sound like they don't know what they're talking about. ]
But I can see now why you wouldn't agree right away. Even if it's a weapon of betrayal, it's still taking someone's life. [ they briefly wonder if shadowheart truly believes this, or if it's something she's been kind of brainwashed into, but they are not going to rock the boat on that yet. ]
Have you followed her your whole life? Is it considered a betrayal to her if you don't accept those teachings?
It's not something I knew, either, until I saw her. And it isn't as though I haven't taken lives before.
[she definitely did omit that detail on purpose though.]
Not my whole life, but as long as I can remember. I was an orphan, I was taken in by them when I was young. After everything they've given me, of course I want to follow her, but I also believe in her cause.
When you grow up a certain way, it can be hard to visualize anything else. Even if other people don't get it or think of you as an outlier. But I also think it isn't exactly bad to realize there may or may not be parts that resonate with you still.
[ they do not say they got the impression shadowheart has killed, but tracks. ]
She was chained up. A prisoner. Not an armed warrior, fighting back. And when she spoke to me, she intimated that she knew things about me. Things I admittedly wanted the answer to.
Are they still things you think you want an answer to? [ they can't exactly blame her, they think they would make a similar choice. ] Even when you're used to fighting and have killed someone, it feels... off to do it when a person can't defend themselves, I would think.
[ they do not like the sound of that, and it shows in their posture. ]
Of course not. But even if it's necessary I don't know if that eliminates how you feel about it. [ unease. guilt. even for someone like shadowheart who follows lady shar so closely... it must have really made a different if it shook her faith enough to make her hesitate. ]
Might be one of the things to reflect on here, too. Maybe the questions you sought the answers to aren't the only ones to be asking. You know?
Then I guess the question now is really settling on what that future may be. I like to think people are free to choose, but of course circumstances can prevent you from reaching it easily.
[ so. it is up to her. ]
If you really do feel strongly about it being following Lady Shar, then okay. But... if you did want to think about other options, it isn't as if she'd know here. You have time.
I believe he grew up and then was crucified? And then came back from the dead, but so much of the imagery still praises the baby. So both, maybe. I'm not entirely sure I follow what it all means.
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What if God were able to send you back to a time before the chance passed?
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[at the question, she frowns.]
I don't know. I don't know that I would have chosen differently.
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[ there's a curious noise though. ]
Oh? Why not?
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[it's just nihilism, though she explains in a tone that it both passionate and practiced, like she's learned what she's meant to say. and then to answer the rest of the question, her tone shifts to something less polished.]
The Nightsong is a person. I hesitated to kill her.
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You know, it would be very helpful if you gave that sort of information before someone asks questions that sound stupid later. [ a little huffy, but that is just because they are slightly embarrassed that it may sound like they don't know what they're talking about. ]
But I can see now why you wouldn't agree right away. Even if it's a weapon of betrayal, it's still taking someone's life. [ they briefly wonder if shadowheart truly believes this, or if it's something she's been kind of brainwashed into, but they are not going to rock the boat on that yet. ]
Have you followed her your whole life? Is it considered a betrayal to her if you don't accept those teachings?
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[she definitely did omit that detail on purpose though.]
Not my whole life, but as long as I can remember. I was an orphan, I was taken in by them when I was young. After everything they've given me, of course I want to follow her, but I also believe in her cause.
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[ they do not say they got the impression shadowheart has killed, but tracks. ]
What causes you to hesitate in killing her?
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But doing the necessary thing is not always pleasant.
[as for the answers...]
I did what was asked, and I didn't get the answers I sought. So maybe that bargain was always false.
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Of course not. But even if it's necessary I don't know if that eliminates how you feel about it. [ unease. guilt. even for someone like shadowheart who follows lady shar so closely... it must have really made a different if it shook her faith enough to make her hesitate. ]
Might be one of the things to reflect on here, too. Maybe the questions you sought the answers to aren't the only ones to be asking. You know?
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[it's only if her future isn't that that it matters.]
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[ so. it is up to her. ]
If you really do feel strongly about it being following Lady Shar, then okay. But... if you did want to think about other options, it isn't as if she'd know here. You have time.
[ a suggestion, not a demand. ]
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Perhaps I'll follow an axolotl instead.
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I never had a god I followed before, but this one hasn't been so bad. I'm sure that makes me slightly biased though.
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[ no she's entirely valid and zuriel agrees. ]
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[baby Jesus?]
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[ they are in fact talking about baby jesus. ]
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And he just stayed a baby forever...?
[gods giving birth to kids really isn't unheard of for her but the baby part is fucking her up.]
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[ knows a christianity, but is not religious. ]
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