[ for firefly, the figure standing in front of the door is herself. she stands in the form that firefly would most recognize when she looks into the mirror, all soft curves and dainty features. however as she approaches, she'll feel her own form begin to change. not this version of her that's just like any other girl—but instead the sharp edges and destructive capacity of her as a weapon. a creation of destruction and nothing more.
the girl in front of her, the normal one she wants to be, looks at her with a betrayed gaze. ]
What are you even doing anymore?
[ firefly will instinctively know that she needs to get past herself and leave through that door, but it seems like the task will be easier said than done. what will she try first? ]
[Maybe it should be strange to look at herself like this. A mirror, accusing.
What is she doing?
Her body feels heavier than it should.
A memory, or a dream, or perhaps a type of nightmare. The SAM suit taking one hand and wrapping it easily around her neck, lifting herself up like that, until she's struggling to speak.
Wouldn't that just be accepting things how they are?
Doesn't she want to change? Diplomacy isn't her specialty (how could it be?), but she'll try.
Her voice is still her own, but it's slower now. More the cadence of SAM than Firefly. ]
[All those tiny fleeting moments where she doesn't have to be in the suit. It's not a full one, but at least she has time for herself. The small footnotes she adds to the scripts.
But...
To be destroyed is our destiny.
She can't express herself in her suit of armor, but it hurts, somehow, to have her own thoughts said aloud.
If this is her, and she's also Firefly, then they both know what the struggle is against. Time, their body, destiny, illness.
She can't deny that she's killed before Heaven and in it. She can say it's possession, but isn't she just getting used again? Again and again and again.
Sure, she can justify herself joining the Stellaron Hunters for the promise of a cure. She was made as a weapon. She wasn't under her own control.
But she's still the one taking lives. She's still a weapon, weilded by a different faction, and used the same way.]
One day, I won't be a weapon. I don't... have to be like this.
I don't know what makes you confident enough to say so.
[ she crosses her arms and brings a hand up to her face in thought, brow furrowing. ]
You don't have to be like this but you keep choosing it. You follow your scripts. You do what you're told. You're just a weapon waiting for someone to use you.
[ firefly starts at the SAM suit accusatorily, brow furrowing as she struggles against the shape of these excuses. ]
How can you hope for a normal, everyday life with all the carnage that you've caused? With all the life you've taken? How can you believe that there's any real future for us like that?
You've already died once without accomplishing anything. What makes you think it'll be any different next time?
[ firefly looks startled at the statement, and shakes her head in denial. no, a weapon doesn't get to decide the results of its own crimes. how could such a cruel thing be said? so many lives were taken just for them to be able to stand here, and could it be something that she can say she's proud of? even a little bit? ]
Is that something that we can still deserve? I've only wanted to live a peaceful life. We've only wanted to be able to live a peaceful life, and yet every choice you've made has taken us further from it.
Do you even feel anything when you hurt anyone anymore?
She doesn't like the scripts she's given, she tries to avoid them (and gets scolded, ignorance doesn't change the outcome), tries so hard to subvert destiny.
It is destiny for a reason.]
Do you believe we deserve to die?
We still wish for "life", the journey to a peaceful one will not be smooth.
[Kafka and Blade would be waiting in a dark room for their targets to turn on the light. But SAM would never give them the chance.
Kafka plays with her targets. SAM makes short work of them.
but did it have to be this hard? firefly's own frustrations can be mirrored on her face, her suffering and longing for peace. if only she could've gotten to have a loving, peaceful life with the people that she adores most. it feels further away now than ever. ]
But even in death, this is what's become of us.
I don't want to die. [ as always. ] I don't want to die.
But it's so hard to live the way that you've been doing it.
[She's turned away from that sweet dream paradise twice now. Of course, she wants a life where she's more than just her armor, she wants a grave with her name written, not SAM and not her code name.
She extends her hand forward, palm up. One step forward.]
I know. Our path is a difficult one, but we will live. We have people we care about here and in life.
[Would a weapon have friends or be able to care? The Iron Cavalry version of her didn't know. Couldn't treat the other soldiers as their own individual people until too late.
As long as they're alive, there's a chance to change.]
[ the hand is a surprise. firefly looks startled, but not necessarily afraid. her breath hitches as she looks up at the suit of armor that is and is not herself. that is not entirely who she wants to be, but who she can't turn away either.
ah. ]
... you have to do better. [ this is her compromise. her demand. ] You have to do better for both of our sakes, so that the future we reach isn't just more of this.
[ firefly breathes in and out. the air in her lungs is hot from the flames of hades. it wouldn't be hard to believe that, based on the decisions that they've made to this point, this is what they deserve. damnation and suffering.
that's never what she wanted.
she wants to live.
even if it feels selfish at times, but who can blame a girl for wanting to live? the next breath she takes is shaky, but she lets her normal, gentle hand fall into the palm of the outstretched metallic one. it is not forgiveness, but it is acceptance.
if they are so determined to pursue a life even at the expense of others, maybe this is the best they can do. maybe this is all they're capable of, in the end. firefly raises her gaze to lock eyes with the SAM suit—as much as she can.
she nods.
and then with a gentle light, she starts to disappear. the edges of her form blur until they turn into pure white flower petals and get caught up in the scorching wind before getting carried away. the path is open.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
holyspirits) wrote2025-03-23 07:03 pm
FIREFLY
the girl in front of her, the normal one she wants to be, looks at her with a betrayed gaze. ]
What are you even doing anymore?
[ firefly will instinctively know that she needs to get past herself and leave through that door, but it seems like the task will be easier said than done. what will she try first? ]
no subject
What is she doing?
Her body feels heavier than it should.
A memory, or a dream, or perhaps a type of nightmare. The SAM suit taking one hand and wrapping it easily around her neck, lifting herself up like that, until she's struggling to speak.
Wouldn't that just be accepting things how they are?
Doesn't she want to change? Diplomacy isn't her specialty (how could it be?), but she'll try.
Her voice is still her own, but it's slower now. More the cadence of SAM than Firefly. ]
I'm trying to live.
no subject
[ firefly has more emotion that's available to her than the SAM suit. she can look angry and betrayed and hurt. ]
Killing and more killing? Is that living for you? To be the reason why others can't?
no subject
[All those tiny fleeting moments where she doesn't have to be in the suit. It's not a full one, but at least she has time for herself. The small footnotes she adds to the scripts.
But...
To be destroyed is our destiny.
She can't express herself in her suit of armor, but it hurts, somehow, to have her own thoughts said aloud.
If this is her, and she's also Firefly, then they both know what the struggle is against. Time, their body, destiny, illness.
She can't deny that she's killed before Heaven and in it. She can say it's possession, but isn't she just getting used again? Again and again and again.
Sure, she can justify herself joining the Stellaron Hunters for the promise of a cure. She was made as a weapon. She wasn't under her own control.
But she's still the one taking lives. She's still a weapon, weilded by a different faction, and used the same way.]
One day, I won't be a weapon. I don't... have to be like this.
[She must believe it. She does believe it.]
no subject
[ she crosses her arms and brings a hand up to her face in thought, brow furrowing. ]
You don't have to be like this but you keep choosing it. You follow your scripts. You do what you're told. You're just a weapon waiting for someone to use you.
No matter what we want.
no subject
["Who will you be in the future?"
If only she had an answer. The future is always unknown, but she fills it with her hopes.
A friend, a person, a human, a living existence only known as Firefly.]
We want a chance at "life", but we must fight to achieve that goals.
[Lives to be taken, blood on her hands.
Chasing after a chance at a cure, chasing any lead she comes across, even as they come to deadends each time.
A weapon wouldn't care about it's life this much. Wouldn't feel a well of conflicting, difficult emotions.]
We know this.
no subject
[ firefly starts at the SAM suit accusatorily, brow furrowing as she struggles against the shape of these excuses. ]
How can you hope for a normal, everyday life with all the carnage that you've caused? With all the life you've taken? How can you believe that there's any real future for us like that?
You've already died once without accomplishing anything. What makes you think it'll be any different next time?
no subject
[What did she say to Laurence, all those weeks ago? "It's not wrong to hope." Hope for more, hope for better.
Yes. She's taken many lives, bug, human, monster, beast. It's a part of her life, and she cannot forget it.]
Our past does not define our future. Change is possible.
[As long as she doesn't give up on it, life gives them infinite chances. Every moment, full of potential.
Stubbornly, she will not give up on hope.]
no subject
[ firefly looks startled at the statement, and shakes her head in denial. no, a weapon doesn't get to decide the results of its own crimes. how could such a cruel thing be said? so many lives were taken just for them to be able to stand here, and could it be something that she can say she's proud of? even a little bit? ]
Is that something that we can still deserve? I've only wanted to live a peaceful life. We've only wanted to be able to live a peaceful life, and yet every choice you've made has taken us further from it.
Do you even feel anything when you hurt anyone anymore?
no subject
She doesn't like the scripts she's given, she tries to avoid them (and gets scolded, ignorance doesn't change the outcome), tries so hard to subvert destiny.
It is destiny for a reason.]
Do you believe we deserve to die?
We still wish for "life", the journey to a peaceful one will not be smooth.
[Kafka and Blade would be waiting in a dark room for their targets to turn on the light. But SAM would never give them the chance.
Kafka plays with her targets. SAM makes short work of them.
There's no need to prolong suffering.]
I do.
no subject
but did it have to be this hard? firefly's own frustrations can be mirrored on her face, her suffering and longing for peace. if only she could've gotten to have a loving, peaceful life with the people that she adores most. it feels further away now than ever. ]
But even in death, this is what's become of us.
I don't want to die. [ as always. ] I don't want to die.
But it's so hard to live the way that you've been doing it.
no subject
She extends her hand forward, palm up. One step forward.]
I know. Our path is a difficult one, but we will live. We have people we care about here and in life.
[Would a weapon have friends or be able to care? The Iron Cavalry version of her didn't know. Couldn't treat the other soldiers as their own individual people until too late.
As long as they're alive, there's a chance to change.]
no subject
ah. ]
... you have to do better. [ this is her compromise. her demand. ] You have to do better for both of our sakes, so that the future we reach isn't just more of this.
[ excuses and ways to hurt people. ]
no subject
She keeps her hand extended, waiting. ]
I do. I understand.
[ A weapon is a weapon... but they're a person too, now. A person has the right to choose for themselves. ]
no subject
that's never what she wanted.
she wants to live.
even if it feels selfish at times, but who can blame a girl for wanting to live? the next breath she takes is shaky, but she lets her normal, gentle hand fall into the palm of the outstretched metallic one. it is not forgiveness, but it is acceptance.
if they are so determined to pursue a life even at the expense of others, maybe this is the best they can do. maybe this is all they're capable of, in the end. firefly raises her gaze to lock eyes with the SAM suit—as much as she can.
she nods.
and then with a gentle light, she starts to disappear. the edges of her form blur until they turn into pure white flower petals and get caught up in the scorching wind before getting carried away. the path is open.
the door awaits. the trial is over. ]