I don't think it's wrong to take responsibility. I just think... well. Maybe it doesn't matter what I think. Hard to shake implications when there's some proof your hands were involved anyway. [ but they do think it's tricky. ]
Purgatory is the middle ground, isn't it? That'd probably be the most fair. If I can't decide, that'd be the most suitable place for me. That or being reincarnated into an animal. A cat or something.
Supposedly, if you believe in that kind of thing. But I always thought the idea of purgatory was worse than the other alternatives. The land of the overlooked.
[ but reincarnation's an interesting choice. ]
Cats are pretty spoiled. Maybe that's something you could ask for later. Instead of going back.
I'm more than comfortable with being overlooked. [ except that sounds too deprecating, so. ]
...It'd be an easier decision, if I only considered myself. I wouldn't go back. There's someone I looked up to who isn't going to be alive for much longer. I don't want to miss my chance to say goodbye. [ quieter, grumblier: ] He's going to run off and get himself killed before that day comes, but I'd feel guilty about missing my last chance.
He insists he isn't. Except he's always charged headfirst into danger to give it a beating.
And he has cancer.
[ finally, some actual emotion cracks through, past the ennui and general flatline melancholy. he just sounds... sad. truly, genuinely heartbroken sad. ]
[ there's a long, long moment of silence. right. that... that would do it, huh. they don't speak for some time, and when they do the tone's a little quieter. ]
... sorry to hear that. [ it's one thing to know someone could get themselves killed for being an idiot. it's another to know someone's going to die and you can't stop it. ] There's no chance of remission or anything?
Yeah. Yeah, I get it. Taking your own fate into your hands instead of waiting for the inevitable anyway. Not that it helps for the people he's leaving behind, but a lot of people seem to forget about those people.
He was still alive before you got here, wasn't he? If you're sent back, you're going back to a time before your death to prevent it. He would still be alive.
What would be the point of redemption if you were going right back to where you were and no time to avoid dying right away? [ a shrug. ] God's plan, if you're granted redemption, puts you back in a place to really live out your second chance. That's what I've heard and know to be true.
[ there's a nod, and that is that. daigo may finish his drink and be left to his own thoughts. if he stays long enough, gabriel will refill for him but otherwise he is leaving him be. no need to push. ]
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So I had to take responsibility for that, too.
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How long ago was that?
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That's for him to disclose, should he decide to.
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Fair enough. Nothing wrong with being loyal. [ loyal by not giving away other people's secrets, they mean. ]
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I'm not sure. I probably should. But I kind of want to be done with everything.
Not sure if Heaven is the place for me, either. So I'm still deciding.
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After that long, I can understand that. [ . . . ] Where would you prefer if you had an option?
[ does not ask "what do you think you deserve" even though that's the hinted question. ]
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[ but reincarnation's an interesting choice. ]
Cats are pretty spoiled. Maybe that's something you could ask for later. Instead of going back.
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...It'd be an easier decision, if I only considered myself. I wouldn't go back. There's someone I looked up to who isn't going to be alive for much longer. I don't want to miss my chance to say goodbye. [ quieter, grumblier: ] He's going to run off and get himself killed before that day comes, but I'd feel guilty about missing my last chance.
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What do you mean by that? You mean it's somebody reckless who'd either die from their own recklessness or because of something else happening to them?
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He insists he isn't. Except he's always charged headfirst into danger to give it a beating.
And he has cancer.
[ finally, some actual emotion cracks through, past the ennui and general flatline melancholy. he just sounds... sad. truly, genuinely heartbroken sad. ]
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... sorry to hear that. [ it's one thing to know someone could get themselves killed for being an idiot. it's another to know someone's going to die and you can't stop it. ] There's no chance of remission or anything?
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He said he has sixth months left. So, probably not.
[ another pause. ]
I think that's why he wants to go out on his own terms. He wants to die and not wait for it.
[ utterly, absolutely defeated once he says this out loud. ]
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... work on going back for that, if nothing else.
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What if he's already gone?
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[ trust you, more like. either way, this helps a little bit - although he's gripping onto desperation moreso than hopefulness. ]
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[ which. man. that'd also be a lot to unpack. maybe a lifetime of repression is bad, actually. ]
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Focus on what you would do if given more time, and assume you'll start from a good place again. It might help give you some direction.
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Thank you, Gabriel-san.
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