No. The Angels and I are a little different. I'm not sure what I am to God, but I asked for the bartending gig when I heard about the trial. Seemed like something I'd be okay at, plus gives them a little back-up when they need it.
I don't know if there's really anything wrong with being childish sometimes. Maybe it's not so bad to hold onto something a little less serious. But I hope it works out for you. The redemption. [ they look at the extinguished candle in their fingers. the urge to go "i wish i was a little bit taller, i wish i was a baller, i wish i had a girl who looked good, i would call her" is very strong, but that's not a real answer and gabriel seems to think someone like laurence would respond better to a honest answer. ]
If I had a wish? [ ... ] I don't know. Maybe for clarity? Or maybe... something that I know is impossible, but it's a wish regardless. Sometimes it's better to make those big wishes anyway. Just in case.
...Thanks. [ for hoping it works out, but he's sure they'd say the same to everyone else, too, which they should. ] And I guess it is fine once in a while... just not something I would've thought of.
Might just be because I'm fully integrated here and you guys aren't. The Angels get special permission for their jobs. Maybe I'll ask someday.
[ they shrug. ] I wouldn't think it's something people too much stock in, so... can't blame you. And just clarity about anything. Questions I have, things I want to do, what I should be doing. Stuff like that.
Well, that's not fair. How're we supposed to know if you actually like our flower bouquets like this? [ teasing, ]
I think some people just really want to believe it. [ he's curious, though... ] What do you want to do? Besides bartending in heaven for a bunch of freaks.
[ it's teasing, but there's a little honesty in the response: ] It's probably one of the nicest things anybody's done for me in a while.
[ moving on though. ]
There's also nothing wrong with believing in it either. Sometimes believing is the only thing that keeps you going. [ laurence can't see their face, but he can probably gauge that there's some kind of smile there. ] That... is a very deep question that I'm not is entirely appropriate to answer for what's meant to be a light conversation. [ a pause. ] And maybe I want to learn more about you guys while you're here.
[ yeah, that's the trick of it. you drop a bomb and then run away from it. ]
Ha, ha. I'll keep that in mind if I need to make a career switch. [ no note about laurence asking again though, so it seems gabriel won't encourage or stop him from that. ]
Even if I may never see you again after this, you're still here right now. That's what's important to me.
I'm trying to be. But I wasn't always, no. First I spent way too long thinking about the past, and then I spent way too long thinking about the future. So now I'm here.
Tell me about it. I can say I'm trying all I want, but actually doing it has been... challenging's a good word, I guess. I think I like focusing on everyone else's pasts and futures more than my own right now.
I dunno, man. I kind of like that you're all a bunch of weirdos. Keeps things interesting. [ kind of a joke, but. ] If I had an option to leave early, I don't think I'd take it.
That interesting, huh? I can't believe you wouldn't be interesting too if you're taking a job like this, but maybe that's just because all our worlds are so different?
I think you're all kinda underestimating what things were like before I ended up here. That interesting. [ but they ponder on this. ] I don't know if I would consider myself interesting though. Less than the Angels for sure, but you've got a point about different worlds. Most people never even considered that a possibility.
Most of my life in the Tower hasn't been that special, either. The whole point is to live like normal people, after all.
[ it's just that recent events have changed that. can't keep going on like usual anymore. ]
I'd hardly even considered leaving home, let alone thinking about entirely different worlds. It sounds like something out of one of those books Iris always liked - just some crazy fantasy stuff.
Normal people, huh. [ they're not even sure what that really means anymore to be honest, but they won't ask. this is important to laurence's worldview so they leave it. ]
I think your world might feel like crazy fantasy stuff to some people, too. I've never heard of demifloras before. And then you have mages and healers and all sorts of stuff around. [ hm. ]
No, I know it does. No one here knew what a demiflora was before I explained it - the only one who even came close was Mr. Zoph. It's the actual magic that keeps tripping me up.
[ they can do so much with that and it isn't restricted by genetics. ]
Yeah. It was safe, I had a lot of friends, and we didn't really have to worry about anything as long as we followed the rules. We had pretty much everything we needed there.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm not... really used to any of that kind of stuff. Actual magic always felt fake? Or maybe not fake, but like you said, the stuff from stories.
[ but they listen to laurence describe the tower, leaning on the counter and taking that in for a moment. ]
... that actually sounds pretty nice. [ a little wistful, maybe. ] If you didn't have anything else you wanted or needed... sometimes I think people underestimate how much a safe place can really mean to a person.
I'm not really sure what I am, but yeah. I was from a normal place.
[ and now they have a job here. ]
People probably say that because they don't understand. [ they say this, but it's a two-fold comment of "they don't understand why laurence is saying that" and "they don't understand what it's like to be in a situation where you really believe you're safe." maybe he is trapped, but would he know if he felt safe and protected? they have no reason to think this, so they leave it.] And for some people, maybe home isn't the safest, best place for them either. Why do they think you're trapped?
That's... kind of a weird thing to say. You don't know what you are?
[ hello? ]
And yeah, I know. But I try to explain, and it's like they still don't get it. [ shakes head. ] I think it's because we aren't allowed to use our powers, and we can't leave without permission. But those are both for our own safety.
What I am, who I am... that sort of thing. I've been figuring it out but the answer's still not totally clear.
[ they have some opinions about not being able to leave a place without permission, but they still seem to be prioritizing the idea of something safe. so they keep the comment to themselves. ]
People don't usually like being told no. But again, you're all from different positions and places. [ still... ] It's been a couple of weeks. Does it feel like maybe things are a little different? Not like changing your mind entirely, but considering the point.
[ hm. well, if he has thoughts about that, laurence is keeping them to himself for now. ]
You mean do I feel any different about home? [ looks down at the bar, thoughtful. ] Honestly? I don't think it really matters. Even if the Tower isn't perfect, where else would I even go? It's still one of the safest places for demiflora like me.
[ laurence is allowed to withhold his thoughts. he owes them nothing. ]
Maybe it doesn't matter, but I do think it's fair to think about things you wouldn't let yourself think about before. Even if nothing comes from it. [ there's a pause as they look at the cupcake for lack of anything else to do. ] I left home for a while before, and when I finally went back it didn't feel the same. Everything felt different, because I was different, and I didn't know what to do with that. But I didn't have anywhere else to go either so I stayed for a while.
I think you guys should get to go back if that's actually what you want. But I also think you shouldn't sleep on the option to think about things. That's all.
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I don't know if there's really anything wrong with being childish sometimes. Maybe it's not so bad to hold onto something a little less serious. But I hope it works out for you. The redemption. [ they look at the extinguished candle in their fingers. the urge to go "i wish i was a little bit taller, i wish i was a baller, i wish i had a girl who looked good, i would call her" is very strong, but that's not a real answer and gabriel seems to think someone like laurence would respond better to a honest answer. ]
If I had a wish? [ ... ] I don't know. Maybe for clarity? Or maybe... something that I know is impossible, but it's a wish regardless. Sometimes it's better to make those big wishes anyway. Just in case.
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[ what's up with that ]
...Thanks. [ for hoping it works out, but he's sure they'd say the same to everyone else, too, which they should. ] And I guess it is fine once in a while... just not something I would've thought of.
Clarity? About what?
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[ they shrug. ] I wouldn't think it's something people too much stock in, so... can't blame you. And just clarity about anything. Questions I have, things I want to do, what I should be doing. Stuff like that.
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I think some people just really want to believe it. [ he's curious, though... ] What do you want to do? Besides bartending in heaven for a bunch of freaks.
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[ moving on though. ]
There's also nothing wrong with believing in it either. Sometimes believing is the only thing that keeps you going. [ laurence can't see their face, but he can probably gauge that there's some kind of smile there. ] That... is a very deep question that I'm not is entirely appropriate to answer for what's meant to be a light conversation. [ a pause. ] And maybe I want to learn more about you guys while you're here.
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You could probably write motivational posters with stuff like that. [ it's a little soft, though. ] Fine, fine. I'll ask again later.
Even though you may never see us again after this?
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Ha, ha. I'll keep that in mind if I need to make a career switch. [ no note about laurence asking again though, so it seems gabriel won't encourage or stop him from that. ]
Even if I may never see you again after this, you're still here right now. That's what's important to me.
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...You're really one of those "live in the moment" kinds of people, aren't you?
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I'm trying to be. But I wasn't always, no. First I spent way too long thinking about the past, and then I spent way too long thinking about the future. So now I'm here.
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...I think I can understand that. It's hard not to think about those things, sometimes.
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[ it's just that recent events have changed that. can't keep going on like usual anymore. ]
I'd hardly even considered leaving home, let alone thinking about entirely different worlds. It sounds like something out of one of those books Iris always liked - just some crazy fantasy stuff.
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I think your world might feel like crazy fantasy stuff to some people, too. I've never heard of demifloras before. And then you have mages and healers and all sorts of stuff around. [ hm. ]
Were you comfortable there? Home.
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[ they can do so much with that and it isn't restricted by genetics. ]
Yeah. It was safe, I had a lot of friends, and we didn't really have to worry about anything as long as we followed the rules. We had pretty much everything we needed there.
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[ but they listen to laurence describe the tower, leaning on the counter and taking that in for a moment. ]
... that actually sounds pretty nice. [ a little wistful, maybe. ] If you didn't have anything else you wanted or needed... sometimes I think people underestimate how much a safe place can really mean to a person.
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[ aside from the job in heaven. ]
I think so, too. Everyone's been really quick to tell me how I'm trapped there or whatever, but I don't think that's the case. It's just home.
[ and the only thing he's missing is something he's working on getting back. or was, all things considered. ]
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[ and now they have a job here. ]
People probably say that because they don't understand. [ they say this, but it's a two-fold comment of "they don't understand why laurence is saying that" and "they don't understand what it's like to be in a situation where you really believe you're safe." maybe he is trapped, but would he know if he felt safe and protected? they have no reason to think this, so they leave it.] And for some people, maybe home isn't the safest, best place for them either. Why do they think you're trapped?
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[ hello? ]
And yeah, I know. But I try to explain, and it's like they still don't get it. [ shakes head. ] I think it's because we aren't allowed to use our powers, and we can't leave without permission. But those are both for our own safety.
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[ they have some opinions about not being able to leave a place without permission, but they still seem to be prioritizing the idea of something safe. so they keep the comment to themselves. ]
People don't usually like being told no. But again, you're all from different positions and places. [ still... ] It's been a couple of weeks. Does it feel like maybe things are a little different? Not like changing your mind entirely, but considering the point.
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You mean do I feel any different about home? [ looks down at the bar, thoughtful. ] Honestly? I don't think it really matters. Even if the Tower isn't perfect, where else would I even go? It's still one of the safest places for demiflora like me.
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Maybe it doesn't matter, but I do think it's fair to think about things you wouldn't let yourself think about before. Even if nothing comes from it. [ there's a pause as they look at the cupcake for lack of anything else to do. ] I left home for a while before, and when I finally went back it didn't feel the same. Everything felt different, because I was different, and I didn't know what to do with that. But I didn't have anywhere else to go either so I stayed for a while.
I think you guys should get to go back if that's actually what you want. But I also think you shouldn't sleep on the option to think about things. That's all.
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