It is, but... No one operates in binary like that. And it isn't a bad thing to be driven by emotion. I am too.
[ hmm. ]
It can be hard to ask. Or they might lie, or you might just disagree with them. Or you might need to make one person sad to make another person happy. It's a complex web.
[ he relates. everything they say is true. relationships are so difficult and he knows that there are duplicitous tendencies in people, and sometimes even he struggles to navigate them correctly ]
I know I'm just one person but... I'll try to tell you what I want and like, and I'll do my very best to be honest.
And I'll truly believe that you're doing your best to make me happy, so I won't get upset if we disagree. I hope you'll do the same for me, because that's what friends do.
[ they laugh lightly - not like they think he was joking. they're just pleased. a little relieved. ]
Thank you.
I'm sure that it will help. [ though, ] Do you think that we're friends? We're here to look after you, and I want you to depend on us. But that doesn't mean that we have to be friends if you don't want to.
... it depends on a lot of things. Like... if I'd be able to get rid of my scar.
[ and the movement is brief, like he doesn't like calling a lot of attention to it, but he does use his free hand to vaguely draw around the shape of his mask ]
And on what Monsieur Lucas and Adolphe end up doing.
The problem is other people—but you can't control them. So you turn to trying to control things about yourself. [ not that scars can generally be 'controlled'. ]
It would be easier if everyone could design their own appearances from the start.
Maybe... I think there are nice surprises. Like you don't know if the baby's eyes will be like the mom or the dad. Or their hair or their smile.
But... [ a little hesitant ] I don't know. You're right that sometimes people will act unfairly toward a person for reason outside that person's control.
I'm not ashamed of the circumstances that led me to get the scar but... I do know it changed my life.
[ just curiously, with a smile of his own. though the blunt question startles him into a laugh - he's not offended, just surprised. he knows ramiel enough to know it's not meant to be offensive, so he's not as nervous as he would be otherwise ]
I can tell you... I don't mind. It might bring the mood down a little though... even though I'm okay now.
I don't dislike them, I suppose. I never really thought about it. I just know that there are people who wouldn't want to look like the one who made them, and that given the freedom to look however they want, what people actually choose is extremely varied.
[ anyway, they do try to sound appropriately serious for a heartfelt story. they are stupid, not dismissive. ]
Ah... that's true. [ he nods... ] I guess there's a lot of ways to think about it.
[ but he nods. as long as they're open to hearing it, yves doesn't hate saying it ]
Well... there was a fire at an orphanage when I was visiting my friends one day. It happened really suddenly, and... killed a lot of people. I must've been knocked out by the original explosion, but when I woke up, there was a lot of smoke already...
I was trying to get out but... I saw a girl crying. I went to help her, and I was able to carry her out but... I ended up getting burned in the process.
[ they listen patiently, a bit pensive. being in heaven and knowing that there are good things that await the deserving when they pass on doesn't change that they value all life. tragedies are still tragedies.
their tone is a little softer, even they're still not great at swallowing down invasive questions. ]
[ yves looks down at the ocean below them, and appreciates the way that the ebb and flow of waves distorts his reflection. he can't see his own mask clearly, even if he can see a vague, constantly shifting outline of himself before it's disrupted by another wave ]
It's frightening to people. They look at me and think I might be possessed by something, or that... something's eating away at me.
Even the doctor who treated me had trouble doing it, terrified of the child in front of him.
[ judging from their silhouette, ramiel doesn't look away from him. ]
This is why it would be better if everyone could decide how they looked. [ a little petulant, honestly. ] You wouldn't have to suffer the judgment of others. And they would be exposed to more and more ways for people to look.
... I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of them. An injury is just an injury, no matter what it looks like. And a child with no control of their form, who only wanted to help someone shouldn't be condemned for it.
[ the petulance is cute, and it makes yves smile - even if it's just a small, soft one. it remains even when ramiel continues and he looks back over to them ]
... thanks.
I appreciate you saying so. I think they must've been doing the best they could with what they knew at the time... but it's part of why I... struggle, I guess.
Why I think I'd like to look for an option to remove my scar, if it exists.
What could they have known or not known at the time to make them afraid of an injury? A burn is not contagious.
[ huff. they are offended that people would treat him poorly for it, first and foremost. but also so used to the idea of choosing your own appearance that it seems like a perfectly reasonable solution to them. ]
I don't see why God couldn't change it for you, when the time comes. Well, I can't promise that, but...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Is it... easier for you when things have clear expectations and results, Ramiel?
[ based on the way they've talked about things ]
And sometimes, in relationships, it can hard to be ask people those things because they might not want to say?
no subject
[ hmm. ]
It can be hard to ask. Or they might lie, or you might just disagree with them. Or you might need to make one person sad to make another person happy. It's a complex web.
no subject
I know I'm just one person but... I'll try to tell you what I want and like, and I'll do my very best to be honest.
And I'll truly believe that you're doing your best to make me happy, so I won't get upset if we disagree. I hope you'll do the same for me, because that's what friends do.
I hope that helps, even a little.
no subject
Thank you.
I'm sure that it will help. [ though, ] Do you think that we're friends? We're here to look after you, and I want you to depend on us. But that doesn't mean that we have to be friends if you don't want to.
[1/2]
?????????????????????????? confused at idea of not wanting to be friends??????????? ]
no subject
I'd love to be your friend, Ramiel. I wouldn't think twice about it. Though you would have to let me look after you, and depend on me sometimes.
no subject
okay! yay! ]
I don't think there'll be any need for that.
no subject
But in the case there is... please know you can lean on me, too. I want to be good to you, just like you want to be good to all of us.
no subject
That would make me sad.
no subject
... me too. I'm going to try to do my best to help however possible so people can get to wherever they want to go.
no subject
... Will you stay in Heaven, in the end? Or will you return to your life?
no subject
[ and the movement is brief, like he doesn't like calling a lot of attention to it, but he does use his free hand to vaguely draw around the shape of his mask ]
And on what Monsieur Lucas and Adolphe end up doing.
no subject
[ they have less questions about the latter part, because that makes sense. he probably wants to stay with his friends(?) ]
no subject
[ which is ever so slightly different ]
no subject
The problem is other people—but you can't control them. So you turn to trying to control things about yourself. [ not that scars can generally be 'controlled'. ]
It would be easier if everyone could design their own appearances from the start.
no subject
But... [ a little hesitant ] I don't know. You're right that sometimes people will act unfairly toward a person for reason outside that person's control.
I'm not ashamed of the circumstances that led me to get the scar but... I do know it changed my life.
no subject
[ and that sounds better to them than surprises. ]
How did you get it? [ please have more tact. ]
no subject
[ just curiously, with a smile of his own. though the blunt question startles him into a laugh - he's not offended, just surprised. he knows ramiel enough to know it's not meant to be offensive, so he's not as nervous as he would be otherwise ]
I can tell you... I don't mind. It might bring the mood down a little though... even though I'm okay now.
Is that alright?
no subject
[ anyway, they do try to sound appropriately serious for a heartfelt story. they are stupid, not dismissive. ]
I don't mind. Please tell me.
no subject
[ but he nods. as long as they're open to hearing it, yves doesn't hate saying it ]
Well... there was a fire at an orphanage when I was visiting my friends one day. It happened really suddenly, and... killed a lot of people. I must've been knocked out by the original explosion, but when I woke up, there was a lot of smoke already...
I was trying to get out but... I saw a girl crying. I went to help her, and I was able to carry her out but... I ended up getting burned in the process.
And it's—
For whatever reason, it's not... a normal burn.
no subject
their tone is a little softer, even they're still not great at swallowing down invasive questions. ]
How so?
no subject
[ yves looks down at the ocean below them, and appreciates the way that the ebb and flow of waves distorts his reflection. he can't see his own mask clearly, even if he can see a vague, constantly shifting outline of himself before it's disrupted by another wave ]
It's frightening to people. They look at me and think I might be possessed by something, or that... something's eating away at me.
Even the doctor who treated me had trouble doing it, terrified of the child in front of him.
no subject
This is why it would be better if everyone could decide how they looked. [ a little petulant, honestly. ] You wouldn't have to suffer the judgment of others. And they would be exposed to more and more ways for people to look.
... I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of them. An injury is just an injury, no matter what it looks like. And a child with no control of their form, who only wanted to help someone shouldn't be condemned for it.
no subject
... thanks.
I appreciate you saying so. I think they must've been doing the best they could with what they knew at the time... but it's part of why I... struggle, I guess.
Why I think I'd like to look for an option to remove my scar, if it exists.
no subject
[ huff. they are offended that people would treat him poorly for it, first and foremost. but also so used to the idea of choosing your own appearance that it seems like a perfectly reasonable solution to them. ]
I don't see why God couldn't change it for you, when the time comes. Well, I can't promise that, but...
(no subject)
(no subject)