[ like the previous saturday, zuriel is in the dirt behind the church. you would think she'd move somewhere else, but no. she's amongst the flowers in the garden and staring up at the stars and very much doing her best to stay out of everyone's way.
but she does hear yves, so she turns her head to look over to him. ]
[ don't just be calm!! yves!! zuriel sometimes has the temperament of a rage-filled chihuahua in that she gets aggressive but she's so powerless in situations it doesn't do much. so she's very conflicted here. ]
I commend them for being thorough, but... we really did come very close to finding the wrong person. And I don't know what would happen if that were the case.
[ if they all voted for yves the week after they lost their minds telling him not to offer himself. they've made it clear that they want him to live, and he's trying his hardest to abide by that ]
I think they'd be able to get over it and heal but... it would've been hard.
It wouldn't have been anytime soon, I think. Just like how it will be difficult for some of you to get over what's actually happened. [ people really would have been overcome by guilt, she thinks, but even now this isn't exactly a good outcome. ]
The downside to all of you being here together is it gives you all the opportunity to grow closer. And in growing closer, it hurts more to lose people as this continues to happen. People will be able to start healing, but can you ever properly heal if the wound keeps being picked at each week with newer and bigger hurts?
[ yves pauses because what she describes is similar to his own process of physical injuries - wounds that never heal, and then he gets injured again because that's just the nature of this place
well, ]
... probably not.
But I hope people grow closer regardless. Even if I'm sure that's probably an unpopular opinion...
[ she has so many concerns about this man swear to god. ]
I don't know if I'd say unpopular so much as worrying. People want to be around other people when they're scared, but they're just as scared to lose them. [ which, like, relatable. ] I think as long as some of you are around to remind people they can and should be able to be together. You've never struck me as the type to back off even when someone tries to put up a barrier.
Adolphe didn't say a word to me for months when we first met, so you'd be right.
... but I understand the fear. I do. I just... don't know if cutting away our hearts is the right move to do instead. Life is different when the path forward is mostly motivated by fear.
Your stubbornness really is your greatest asset, I think. [ just a thought. ]
I don't think that's the right move either, but... I don't like the idea of forcing people to move on before they're ready either. Everyone's different. I don't want to cause more fear by trying to guide them forward without resolving their hurts. [ a little frown. ] I know I'm preaching to the choir with you, but...
Stubbornness! [ he laughs ] Sure, I think I've heard something like that before.
But... yeah. I think you're right. I think that there's a delicate enough balance to it all. People who aren't used to death and things like this... I'd rather that they get a chance to figure out how to feel it.
If you have a better word for it, by all means. Persistence, perhaps?
[ she's clearly teasing him, but also, she refuses to think otherwise here. ]
I know it was new for me until recently. [ wry. even before losing gansey and regaining him, she experienced her first loss of someone she loved not long before that. but that person didn't come back at all. ] It feels normal for them to have mixed up feelings about everything, but I can't say I enjoy knowing some of you are used to death, too. Finding the balance is important, but maybe that can't come from us.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 2, saturday
but she does hear yves, so she turns her head to look over to him. ]
That was way too many coincidences.
no subject
Right? It's okay. I don't mind, but I feel bad about how guilty everyone else feels.
no subject
How are you such a magnet for trouble? First you try to offer yourself up last week, and this week you didn't and you were still under interrogation.
no subject
Dunno. They were just being thorough, so I think it's fair. It was a bad coincidence I was on the suspect list.
no subject
I commend them for being thorough, but... we really did come very close to finding the wrong person. And I don't know what would happen if that were the case.
no subject
[ if they all voted for yves the week after they lost their minds telling him not to offer himself. they've made it clear that they want him to live, and he's trying his hardest to abide by that ]
I think they'd be able to get over it and heal but... it would've been hard.
no subject
The downside to all of you being here together is it gives you all the opportunity to grow closer. And in growing closer, it hurts more to lose people as this continues to happen. People will be able to start healing, but can you ever properly heal if the wound keeps being picked at each week with newer and bigger hurts?
no subject
well, ]
... probably not.
But I hope people grow closer regardless. Even if I'm sure that's probably an unpopular opinion...
no subject
I don't know if I'd say unpopular so much as worrying. People want to be around other people when they're scared, but they're just as scared to lose them. [ which, like, relatable. ] I think as long as some of you are around to remind people they can and should be able to be together. You've never struck me as the type to back off even when someone tries to put up a barrier.
no subject
Adolphe didn't say a word to me for months when we first met, so you'd be right.
... but I understand the fear. I do. I just... don't know if cutting away our hearts is the right move to do instead. Life is different when the path forward is mostly motivated by fear.
no subject
I don't think that's the right move either, but... I don't like the idea of forcing people to move on before they're ready either. Everyone's different. I don't want to cause more fear by trying to guide them forward without resolving their hurts. [ a little frown. ] I know I'm preaching to the choir with you, but...
[ it's a weird situation. ]
no subject
But... yeah. I think you're right. I think that there's a delicate enough balance to it all. People who aren't used to death and things like this... I'd rather that they get a chance to figure out how to feel it.
Mourning must be new for a lot of them.
no subject
[ she's clearly teasing him, but also, she refuses to think otherwise here. ]
I know it was new for me until recently. [ wry. even before losing gansey and regaining him, she experienced her first loss of someone she loved not long before that. but that person didn't come back at all. ] It feels normal for them to have mixed up feelings about everything, but I can't say I enjoy knowing some of you are used to death, too. Finding the balance is important, but maybe that can't come from us.