Oh? [ this is building a timeline for her, and she figures asking him prompting questions will at least give her an idea of what created current-age jacopo. ]
So a ruler had to be in place regardless. But if there were talks of a rebellion, wouldn't that imply Barnier wasn't exactly a good lord to begin with?
Of course. [ a tone of annoyance from her. ] It didn't affect them at all, so why would they bother to help? So long as the crime didn't touch them, it may as well not exist.
... pretty big undertaking for a few of you though. But it was only because nobody else would. Right?
Then someone should have overthrown him sooner instead of ignoring the problem. [ just kill the whole lord? well, maybe not kill, but at least remove. ]
Does it have to be someone from a lineage though? Why can't it be someone who might have more in common with the people they're serving? [ because that is not how lordship works, zuriel.
but... ]
You wanted your work to mean something. You don't think it did? You just said you stepped up when no one else would.
It sounds miserable, Jacopo. [ to have to be under that kind of rule and not be able to change things.
but... ]
... I've spent my entire life wanting to go somewhere different. But going places costs money and talent, and even if you have one if you don't have both your options are much more limited. It must be frustrating to be stuck.
<small[ it was very frustrating for her, at least. ]
... The people around me made it easier to bear. I have a lot of happy memories, so don't worry.
[ Despite under an incredibly awful rule, he remembers so many moments where he was smiling. ]
Maybe I don't have talent, but I'm diligent. [ Unsure if that helps, but he thinks it does. ] It was frustrating because progress was slow, but progress was progress. I did have a lot going on with working and also helping Maria with the brothel, so that filled my time.
But that doesn't change that I'm here...
[ It's bittersweet, but. That's life. This one does want to go back. ]
You did end up somewhere different. You're here. [ ... ] Hopefully under positive circumstances.
[ this does make her worry slightly less. happy to know he has some good memories still at this age, but a little sad that he's still a very depressed man in the future as well. things happened that changed him, and the longer that jacopo talks the more zuriel actually relates to this version of him a little more.
she's been compared to a worker ant before, called sensible by everyone she knows, has worked hard to get to where she's at but the progress was always slow. the results were minimal in some cases. but then there were other results things worked a little better. ]
Progress is always progress, minimal though it may be. It left an impact on someone even if it wasn't a big move. [ but she can understand the disappointment of being here without big changes. ] But nothing says you can't find your way back. You could go and keep working and get to where you want to really go.
[ but she nods to that. ]
I agreed to be here with you all when God asked me because I thought I could help, especially knowing some of you might not fully see what you could be capable of. I want you to see that for yourself.
[ oh, blue... it is sad to relate when you also have to see what he becomes later. it is not very heartening. just a man trying to remember how to be one and struggling very badly despite having achieved what he originally wanted.
He nods when she says that. People appreciate him and he does feel valued, but... Sometimes you want more? ]
I'd like to return because there's more I can do. [ But his smile wanes, unsure as he remembers how he acted last week. ] But maybe... I don't.
[ He doesn't want to linger on that or long. ]
That's a big move and you are helping. Even saving one person is a big deal, in my opinion.
[ this makes sense to her, and she's quiet for a bit as she decides to press further. ]
What if I want that one person to be you, in this case? [ because it's obvious there are some conflicts with jacopo's feelings here, but she still believes that part of him wants to return, somehow. ]
"Saving you" sounds like I think you're incapable, and I don't think that's it. But I think there are conversations to have that you haven't had with other people, or yourself, yet.
Even though you just told me exactly what you were doing back there for your people? An idea you worked through by yourself and got people together to help? You've just told me what sort of potential he actually has. It's just... buried a bit, I think.
... I'm not going to own the idea of a peacekeeping group. We did discuss it together.
[ But he gets it. He's quiet, wondering if there's still potential when that is the future(?) If that is a path of no return... It's scary, actually. ]
I'll take your word for it. You probably have a better read than I do.
Discussing a plan together doesn't always mean those discussing it will agree.
[ but she gets it. it can be scary, not knowing what lies ahead. it's also scary knowing but not knowing how, so. bad vibes all around. but... ]
It's always easier for another person to read you than to try and read yourself. I know it's a lot to ask you to trust me. And you don't even have to. But that won't stop us from continuing to think the way we do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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We are definitely lost. [ ... ] Well... I also don't know much about lordship—or I don't remember? That much about lordship.
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What is it you remember right now then?
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There had been a lot of talk of wanting a rebellion, but without someone to replace lord Barnier we would just fall into anarchy.
[ so slowish progress on that ]
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[ she squints a bit though. ]
And what were you doing patrolling the slums?
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[ So much disgust. ]
My friends and I created a peacekeeping group. Crime had gone rampant as of late. No help from the nobility, of course.
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... pretty big undertaking for a few of you though. But it was only because nobody else would. Right?
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[ The lord was insane, so. Makes sense. ]
Right. Who was going to do it if not us? [ But a shrug. ] And I knew I could die at any time... But this is still lackluster.
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What exactly were you expecting upon death then?
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[ to avoid more usurpation or insurrections, etc. ]
I was hoping that I would die as someone, not a peasant in the slums.
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but... ]
You wanted your work to mean something. You don't think it did? You just said you stepped up when no one else would.
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[ This Jacopo doesn't know much about lordship and things, but all he knows is that they need someone that fits a criteria. ]
My work did mean something, but I didn't get to go anywhere yet. I was still in the same place.
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but... ]
... I've spent my entire life wanting to go somewhere different. But going places costs money and talent, and even if you have one if you don't have both your options are much more limited. It must be frustrating to be stuck.
<small[ it was very frustrating for her, at least. ]
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[ Despite under an incredibly awful rule, he remembers so many moments where he was smiling. ]
Maybe I don't have talent, but I'm diligent. [ Unsure if that helps, but he thinks it does. ] It was frustrating because progress was slow, but progress was progress. I did have a lot going on with working and also helping Maria with the brothel, so that filled my time.
But that doesn't change that I'm here...
[ It's bittersweet, but. That's life. This one does want to go back. ]
You did end up somewhere different. You're here. [ ... ] Hopefully under positive circumstances.
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she's been compared to a worker ant before, called sensible by everyone she knows, has worked hard to get to where she's at but the progress was always slow. the results were minimal in some cases. but then there were other results things worked a little better. ]
Progress is always progress, minimal though it may be. It left an impact on someone even if it wasn't a big move. [ but she can understand the disappointment of being here without big changes. ] But nothing says you can't find your way back. You could go and keep working and get to where you want to really go.
[ but she nods to that. ]
I agreed to be here with you all when God asked me because I thought I could help, especially knowing some of you might not fully see what you could be capable of. I want you to see that for yourself.
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He nods when she says that. People appreciate him and he does feel valued, but... Sometimes you want more? ]
I'd like to return because there's more I can do. [ But his smile wanes, unsure as he remembers how he acted last week. ] But maybe... I don't.
[ He doesn't want to linger on that or long. ]
That's a big move and you are helping. Even saving one person is a big deal, in my opinion.
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What if I want that one person to be you, in this case? [ because it's obvious there are some conflicts with jacopo's feelings here, but she still believes that part of him wants to return, somehow. ]
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Me? In this case?
[ there are like thirty something souls ]
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... I wouldn't be offended if that's what you think. That he seems incapable—you know what I mean. I seem incapable.
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[ But he gets it. He's quiet, wondering if there's still potential when that is the future(?) If that is a path of no return... It's scary, actually. ]
I'll take your word for it. You probably have a better read than I do.
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[ but she gets it. it can be scary, not knowing what lies ahead. it's also scary knowing but not knowing how, so. bad vibes all around. but... ]
It's always easier for another person to read you than to try and read yourself. I know it's a lot to ask you to trust me. And you don't even have to. But that won't stop us from continuing to think the way we do.
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[ this one truly isn't as paranoid or guarded. ]
I remember how you've treated me and I think I'm in good hands. [ ... ] I might not think that way later, but you can just take it as another opinion.
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Even if you don't think that way later, you'll just have to accept it sooner or later. [ a little cheeky, but serious. ] We have time. Don't forget.
[ and before them, a door appears. ]
Looks like we get a free pass back out of here.
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... All the time in the world?
[ But, yay, a door. ]
This has been enjoyable, even though were were lost most of the time.
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