[ okay, for funnies, i'm going to say that somehow anders actually started opening the door to their apartment? to which gabriel's immediately turning to follow because don't just wander into their house, man.
but now here we both are in the house of mirrors. a. ]
I like to think we're friendly enough, but I would rather talk about your daddy issues in the bar and not here.
[ yeah they wish he had father issues, actually, because this is actually worse for a handful of reasons.
but they stand by and watch this play out across the mirrors, different attempts in different panes, and they're silent as they absorb what this all means. their arms are folded over their chest, the glowing light of their form reflecting off the glass and they don't say anything at all for a good, long while.
they take a breath. and they pause again. ]
... you made it to Kirkwall, didn't you? [ because he'd met other people, because he had done other things, they know that, but they're still tense about all of this. ]
Eventually, yes. It wasn't until a few years after I'd left. I was on my own for about a year, working in Denerim, before the Templars caught up to me. I joined the Wardens, then.
But after that. After that, you were able to lose track of them. [ please say yes. ] Were they just as insistent on keeping every mage there, or were you just special?
There are always Templars around. But those particular ones are dead, if it brings you any comfort. And my phylactery stopped working, they are no longer able to track me with it.
[ so, sort of? ]
There's certain dispensations. Rewards they will hold over your head for being a good little mage. Almost always with a Templar guard, mind you. You can be shipped off to a court, or allowed to research under supervision.
But every mage from childhood is by law brought to the tower. To live as a mage outside of it is to be branded apostate. They will arrest you. Or kill you. And I was special, in that I openly resented it.
Fucked up as it is, maybe it does. [ they do not feel particularly attached to the templars that hunted down a person just for existing the way they do. ] I'm... glad they stopped being able to track you. Living knowing you could be found at any time isn't really a way to live.
Sounds more like they gaslight you into behaving the way they want you to with promises of basic rights, such as living or improving yourself. Why is that even a law? I mean don't answer that, I kind of know just based on what you've already told me, but it's...
It's how many apostates live their whole lives. Hunted, always moving. Kirkwall in particular is a Templar stronghold, but once I was there I had options. The refugees who frequented the clinic in Darktown wouldn't turn me in. I suppose in their eyes I was as Ferelden as the rest of them. [ its part of why the clinic was free. the payment wasn't monetary, it was a mutual agreement. a healer in exchange for protection. the templars pretty much always knew exactly who and where he was, even then. ] And once I was aligned with Hawke, his political sway as Champion allowed me greater freedoms. The Templars could not openly act against him.
[ honestly it's very sweet they are taking this so hard. tilting his head a little, a sort of half-smile. ]
Honestly, twelve is a little old for most mages. I can imagine why my parents were shocked.
[ something about knowing he was always being watched makes their skin crawl a little, but maybe that's their own experiences swaying them. also, again, it sucks? even if twelve is old for his kind, it's still... ]
You barely even know how to be a person at that point. [ kids are fucking stupid. ] ... but options are good. Aligning yourself with someone who could protect you was also good. But it doesn't erase everything that already happened either.
[ which they know anders knows, so. ]
I don't blame you though. For constantly running. I would've, too.
It's intentional. They do not want you to know how to live outside of the tower. You do not know how to feed yourself, how to survive against a bandit with a blunt sword, how to find enough money to buy anything.
I always ended up running. I ran from the Circle, and I ran from the Wardens. In the end, I've run from Hawke. I don't know where I will end up here.
Fully reliant on the people that want to keep you in solitary confinement to begin with. That's a special kind of fucked up. [ but... ]
... running from something doesn't always mean you can't run back if you wanted to. [ to hawke specifically, they mean, but. ] But at the same time maybe it's just one of those things you don't get to know. Like your ending point's gonna be way different than you expected.
[ speaking of, they are turning a corner and it means there's a little flash of light in the reflections of the mirror. it's enough for anders to see something new.
You don’t recognize this void. Or maybe you do? You probably dream about it sometimes, because your life is an empty void anyway. Why wouldn’t your dreams be different?
But this time it’s different. For one thing, you aren’t alone. And for another, the reason you aren’t alone comes in the shape of a large, pink axolotl. You’re caught in a staredown, the void giving way from the dark, murky colors of yesterday to brighter, airier ones. You aren’t even sure what you want to think, because it’s a fucking axolotl, who is introducing themselves as God.
“You’ve ignored me my whole life, and now you decide to show up? Now. When I don’t need you.”
The axolotl doesn’t open its mouth, but you hear the reply clearly in your head.
”You called out to me, did you not?”
Did you? You don’t really know. It's not like praying actually worked for you. You… tried, maybe, to believe God was real, but all it lead to was disappointment after disappointment. You’re pretty sure this won’t be different.
“Okay. Well. So what? Am I dead? Is this…”
”Heaven, yes.”
“Way to not answer the question…”
The axolotl—God, you suppose, looks at you again, amphibian eyes casting judgment over you. You hear something unintelligible, almost like a harmonious song you don’t know the words to. Until suddenly you do. You aren’t sure why, but you understand that the axolotl has seen everything inside your head, and it slowly turns to begin to swim off.
“What—hey, man! You don’t get to abandon me again!”
You push off, swimming your way through the clouds as quickly as you can before latching onto God’s tail. They don’t shake you off, but they allow you to hold on as they navigate through the heavens.
”So angry. So confused.” You almost hear the pity, if not for how factual they sound. ”Come along. “
And without another moment’s notice, you blip out of existence.
Well... okay, yeah, I did not think God would be an axolotl, but I never gave it much thought what they would look like to begin with. But they found me, yeah. Otherwise I probably would still be in that weird void.
[ which would have been okay. they would've accepted that. ]
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[ puffy ... your loyalty. ]
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Better than everybody else's memories you're probably being subjected to?
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[ he climbs down off the barstool and just like. goes over to a door in the bar to demonstrate. ]
I'll just open this to try and go to the washroom! And then suddenly you're seeing someone's father issues on full display.
[ yoinking open the door like it's gonna finish the joke. ]
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but now here we both are in the house of mirrors. a. ]
I like to think we're friendly enough, but I would rather talk about your daddy issues in the bar and not here.
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[ oops here comes the memory trolley quick get out the way ]
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but they stand by and watch this play out across the mirrors, different attempts in different panes, and they're silent as they absorb what this all means. their arms are folded over their chest, the glowing light of their form reflecting off the glass and they don't say anything at all for a good, long while.
they take a breath. and they pause again. ]
... you made it to Kirkwall, didn't you? [ because he'd met other people, because he had done other things, they know that, but they're still tense about all of this. ]
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Eventually, yes. It wasn't until a few years after I'd left. I was on my own for about a year, working in Denerim, before the Templars caught up to me. I joined the Wardens, then.
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But after that. After that, you were able to lose track of them. [ please say yes. ] Were they just as insistent on keeping every mage there, or were you just special?
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[ so, sort of? ]
There's certain dispensations. Rewards they will hold over your head for being a good little mage. Almost always with a Templar guard, mind you. You can be shipped off to a court, or allowed to research under supervision.
But every mage from childhood is by law brought to the tower. To live as a mage outside of it is to be branded apostate. They will arrest you. Or kill you. And I was special, in that I openly resented it.
[ he was NOT a well-behaved little mage. ]
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Sounds more like they gaslight you into behaving the way they want you to with promises of basic rights, such as living or improving yourself. Why is that even a law? I mean don't answer that, I kind of know just based on what you've already told me, but it's...
[ there's a pause. and they sigh. ]
Man, you were twelve.
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[ honestly it's very sweet they are taking this so hard. tilting his head a little, a sort of half-smile. ]
Honestly, twelve is a little old for most mages. I can imagine why my parents were shocked.
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You barely even know how to be a person at that point. [ kids are fucking stupid. ] ... but options are good. Aligning yourself with someone who could protect you was also good. But it doesn't erase everything that already happened either.
[ which they know anders knows, so. ]
I don't blame you though. For constantly running. I would've, too.
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I always ended up running. I ran from the Circle, and I ran from the Wardens. In the end, I've run from Hawke. I don't know where I will end up here.
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... running from something doesn't always mean you can't run back if you wanted to. [ to hawke specifically, they mean, but. ] But at the same time maybe it's just one of those things you don't get to know. Like your ending point's gonna be way different than you expected.
[ speaking of, they are turning a corner and it means there's a little flash of light in the reflections of the mirror. it's enough for anders to see something new.
hm. well. that's apt, they suppose. ]
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... It really is a giant amphibian.
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[ this emotion ]
... So it sought you out?
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[ which would have been okay. they would've accepted that. ]
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