It's how many apostates live their whole lives. Hunted, always moving. Kirkwall in particular is a Templar stronghold, but once I was there I had options. The refugees who frequented the clinic in Darktown wouldn't turn me in. I suppose in their eyes I was as Ferelden as the rest of them. [ its part of why the clinic was free. the payment wasn't monetary, it was a mutual agreement. a healer in exchange for protection. the templars pretty much always knew exactly who and where he was, even then. ] And once I was aligned with Hawke, his political sway as Champion allowed me greater freedoms. The Templars could not openly act against him.
[ honestly it's very sweet they are taking this so hard. tilting his head a little, a sort of half-smile. ]
Honestly, twelve is a little old for most mages. I can imagine why my parents were shocked.
[ something about knowing he was always being watched makes their skin crawl a little, but maybe that's their own experiences swaying them. also, again, it sucks? even if twelve is old for his kind, it's still... ]
You barely even know how to be a person at that point. [ kids are fucking stupid. ] ... but options are good. Aligning yourself with someone who could protect you was also good. But it doesn't erase everything that already happened either.
[ which they know anders knows, so. ]
I don't blame you though. For constantly running. I would've, too.
It's intentional. They do not want you to know how to live outside of the tower. You do not know how to feed yourself, how to survive against a bandit with a blunt sword, how to find enough money to buy anything.
I always ended up running. I ran from the Circle, and I ran from the Wardens. In the end, I've run from Hawke. I don't know where I will end up here.
Fully reliant on the people that want to keep you in solitary confinement to begin with. That's a special kind of fucked up. [ but... ]
... running from something doesn't always mean you can't run back if you wanted to. [ to hawke specifically, they mean, but. ] But at the same time maybe it's just one of those things you don't get to know. Like your ending point's gonna be way different than you expected.
[ speaking of, they are turning a corner and it means there's a little flash of light in the reflections of the mirror. it's enough for anders to see something new.
You don’t recognize this void. Or maybe you do? You probably dream about it sometimes, because your life is an empty void anyway. Why wouldn’t your dreams be different?
But this time it’s different. For one thing, you aren’t alone. And for another, the reason you aren’t alone comes in the shape of a large, pink axolotl. You’re caught in a staredown, the void giving way from the dark, murky colors of yesterday to brighter, airier ones. You aren’t even sure what you want to think, because it’s a fucking axolotl, who is introducing themselves as God.
“You’ve ignored me my whole life, and now you decide to show up? Now. When I don’t need you.”
The axolotl doesn’t open its mouth, but you hear the reply clearly in your head.
”You called out to me, did you not?”
Did you? You don’t really know. It's not like praying actually worked for you. You… tried, maybe, to believe God was real, but all it lead to was disappointment after disappointment. You’re pretty sure this won’t be different.
“Okay. Well. So what? Am I dead? Is this…”
”Heaven, yes.”
“Way to not answer the question…”
The axolotl—God, you suppose, looks at you again, amphibian eyes casting judgment over you. You hear something unintelligible, almost like a harmonious song you don’t know the words to. Until suddenly you do. You aren’t sure why, but you understand that the axolotl has seen everything inside your head, and it slowly turns to begin to swim off.
“What—hey, man! You don’t get to abandon me again!”
You push off, swimming your way through the clouds as quickly as you can before latching onto God’s tail. They don’t shake you off, but they allow you to hold on as they navigate through the heavens.
”So angry. So confused.” You almost hear the pity, if not for how factual they sound. ”Come along. “
And without another moment’s notice, you blip out of existence.
Well... okay, yeah, I did not think God would be an axolotl, but I never gave it much thought what they would look like to begin with. But they found me, yeah. Otherwise I probably would still be in that weird void.
[ which would have been okay. they would've accepted that. ]
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[ honestly it's very sweet they are taking this so hard. tilting his head a little, a sort of half-smile. ]
Honestly, twelve is a little old for most mages. I can imagine why my parents were shocked.
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You barely even know how to be a person at that point. [ kids are fucking stupid. ] ... but options are good. Aligning yourself with someone who could protect you was also good. But it doesn't erase everything that already happened either.
[ which they know anders knows, so. ]
I don't blame you though. For constantly running. I would've, too.
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I always ended up running. I ran from the Circle, and I ran from the Wardens. In the end, I've run from Hawke. I don't know where I will end up here.
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... running from something doesn't always mean you can't run back if you wanted to. [ to hawke specifically, they mean, but. ] But at the same time maybe it's just one of those things you don't get to know. Like your ending point's gonna be way different than you expected.
[ speaking of, they are turning a corner and it means there's a little flash of light in the reflections of the mirror. it's enough for anders to see something new.
hm. well. that's apt, they suppose. ]
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... It really is a giant amphibian.
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[ this emotion ]
... So it sought you out?
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[ which would have been okay. they would've accepted that. ]
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