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holyspirits (
holyspirits
) wrote
2025
-
02
-
10
11:08 am
Entry tags:
!audience
Audience - Anders
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no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-05 05:05 am (UTC)
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link
)
[
a corruption is probably a good enough equivalent. something that makes you
you
being erased, unable to ever be fixed.
]
It ... was what he asked for. He didn't want to live like that. I could not let him. So it was a simple decision in the end.
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-05 05:24 am (UTC)
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link
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No. It wasn't simple.
[ even if there was no better option and no time to hesitate. even if it was the best and only option. that doesn't make it simple. ]
no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-06 01:06 am (UTC)
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link
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It was my fault to begin with. It was my letters he was caught with, me they were trying to capture.
[
it was all set up as a trap.
]
Maybe if I had simply left him be, he would have been left alone.
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-06 01:17 am (UTC)
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link
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But would that have been the right thing to do? Leaving him alone without word?
[ she doesn't know all of the specifics here, but she does have some pretty strong feelings about cutting communication. ]
You couldn't have known, and you did the best that you could.
no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-06 05:49 am (UTC)
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link
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I don't know. I have to stop thinking of what the right and wrong things are, and simply try to do the thing that saves the most lives.
[
at least, that is what a revolutionary should do.
]
Everyone wants to believe the best of me. But I don't think that is possible for me.
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-06 05:55 am (UTC)
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link
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Your opinion of yourself is subjective. As is everyone else's.
[ that's comforting, right. sure. ]
But to me, saving the most lives is the correct choice. Even just trying to. ... I know that doesn't lessen the pain of loss, though.
no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-07 02:22 am (UTC)
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Comforting.
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-07 02:40 am (UTC)
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I'm just saying.
no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-07 02:50 pm (UTC)
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link
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I know. And I agree, obviously.
[
sighing out.
]
But it's unsettling to come here and find no one is even willing to see the parts of me that I am afraid of.
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-07 08:06 pm (UTC)
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link
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I think that it's the opposite. You are only seeing this part you have complicated feelings on.
Others see that... and also the rest of you.
no subject
spiritbalm
2025-03-09 04:23 pm (UTC)
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link
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For now. Everything always
starts
well-meaning.
[
inevitably, he will disappoint them. it is what a monster always does.
]
no subject
hotfixer
2025-03-09 08:44 pm (UTC)
(
link
)
That's worth something.
Not enough to justify
anything
. But it doesn't hold no meaning at all. Nor do the decisions that follow after you've done harm. You, like anyone, are capable of both good and bad in any given moment. And you can't change any of your past decisions.
Just your new decisions.
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no subject
It ... was what he asked for. He didn't want to live like that. I could not let him. So it was a simple decision in the end.
no subject
[ even if there was no better option and no time to hesitate. even if it was the best and only option. that doesn't make it simple. ]
no subject
[ it was all set up as a trap. ]
Maybe if I had simply left him be, he would have been left alone.
no subject
[ she doesn't know all of the specifics here, but she does have some pretty strong feelings about cutting communication. ]
You couldn't have known, and you did the best that you could.
no subject
[ at least, that is what a revolutionary should do. ]
Everyone wants to believe the best of me. But I don't think that is possible for me.
no subject
[ that's comforting, right. sure. ]
But to me, saving the most lives is the correct choice. Even just trying to. ... I know that doesn't lessen the pain of loss, though.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ sighing out. ]
But it's unsettling to come here and find no one is even willing to see the parts of me that I am afraid of.
no subject
Others see that... and also the rest of you.
no subject
[ inevitably, he will disappoint them. it is what a monster always does. ]
no subject
Not enough to justify anything. But it doesn't hold no meaning at all. Nor do the decisions that follow after you've done harm. You, like anyone, are capable of both good and bad in any given moment. And you can't change any of your past decisions.
Just your new decisions.