that does get his attention - he makes a soft, thoughtful noise, agreeing, but then quiets down to listen, and the line - don't let this parting upset you, i'll not forget you, sweetheart takes some of his initial mirth off of his face. Okay. I love you, though, Taair. ]
I read a book about the internet that Ramiel recommended me!
[ he says with such bright confidence - but then it dissolves into a laugh. ] ...I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It will take much more than that, I'm sure.
... Perhaps, then - would you tell me something of those that you miss? [ to the soft sound of the music, playing in the background. ] You mentioned a name, earlier.
He's twenty now. [ and maybe that sounds insane when she looks like a teenager ] He's smart, and he's stubborn, but we've been close his whole life, so maybe that last one's my fault.
[ hehe. he laughs at that, because okay yeah true. this is what happens when you do not go outside. ]
To mess with Ramiel... how mischievous, Gamaliel! [ but not surprising at all ] Is that part of your skillset as an angel? Or... is it something that happened prior?
[ there's a soft, sympathetic smile, but... after a moment, he feels around in his pocket and pulls out his keychain! from the cyoa, and shows it to her. ]
... It was on Thursday. We were there for... well. It felt like a few months, but by the end, it must have been at least a century. All four of us lived lives that were not our own. And in my life... I was on my own for the first time, helping out soldiers as a healer as the other three were, too. We saw many horrors, and... as we were traveling from battlefront to battlefront, we came across a village that had been razed by the borisin, our enemies.
It was - of all people, it was some shade of Marcoh, who drew my attention to a little girl who was hiding in the ruins. She was terrified - and rightfully so. The borisin killed her family, her friends... she was the last one left.
And - [ with a very soft laugh. ] She was afraid of Marcoh, because he was so large. That was a little less rightful. But... since he called me, I was able to coax her out from the ruins.
Her name was Huohuo. She was a foxian, like Jiaoqiu, and she was very, very young. Maybe three or four years old.
[ this certainly is a different kind of unreal than she's used to, and she stares at the keychain without touching it as she listens ]
Huohuo... I heard you guys had memories of that place and that you felt you'd been gone for a while, but I didn't think about the people you might have met there. [ the life they were leading? ] What happened after that?
[ yeah see this is what happens when you have absolutely zero home cr the cyoa runner has to improvise by handing you a child ]
Right.. I'm not sure what to think, even now. [ he says softly, setting a hand to his heart. ] The experience... every moment of it felt real. And it left its mark on me.
After that... she traveled with us, for some time. We protected her from an attack on the camp by staying with her and some of the others, at a great cost, but... we lost so many people - she was near inconsolable. Things get a bit blurry after that, but I know that I spent time with her - a lot of it. Enough to try and help her heal, from all of that pain.
At one point we were separated, and I had to rescue her from a different situation entirely, and... it was all very complex. I ended up sacrificing myself to save her and the rest of the Xianzhou.
In doing so, I gave her the chance to escape from what was essentially a hostage situation - I managed to sneak her away from the danger and give her a chance to run. I had to let her go, because I knew I wouldn't be able to come back alive, and... [ ... ] it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
All of that, and then... I woke up here. To find that it was all just some sort of... I don't even know what to call it - I suppose... a dream.
[ i keep doing stuff in the evenings when you are around to tag I'M SO SORRY SISI ]
... Or a simulation. [ that's more to herself than it is to him because what does he. know about computers. nothing. ] It felt real to you while it was happening. And the actions and decisions you made in there, those were real, too. It's not as simple as if it really was a dream, because you were conscious the whole time.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. [ first of all, because. that is a failure on their part, she thinks. ] You don't have a sibling at home, right? This was your first one. And still, you did all of that to save her.
I don't know how it works. These places you're in. Things that aren't real can be for the people inside of them. So... Maybe there's a version of her out there that's alive because of what you've done.
he likes that - maybe there's a version of her out there that's alive, because of what you've done. ]
... A story with many settings. Many endings. Maybe even written by a different hand. [ a simulation does kind of make sense in that context - but more so, it feels like the strange changes of this week, too. how things could be different, if different choices were made. maybe all those versions of him exist, too.
there's a long, thoughtful pause - and then he smiles, gentle, and very genuine. ] Thank you, Gamaliel. For the explanation, and... for your kind words, too. It helps.
I think that I must tell myself - it is important to carry those people, those stories, with me. I believe so firmly that those that we remember, those we hold onto, live and remain so long as we don't forget them. It is part of why I write so much as I do.
[ ... ]
Have you experienced similar? Simulations, you said.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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that does get his attention - he makes a soft, thoughtful noise, agreeing, but then quiets down to listen, and the line - don't let this parting upset you, i'll not forget you, sweetheart takes some of his initial mirth off of his face. Okay. I love you, though, Taair. ]
... Is there someone you miss dearly, Gamaliel?
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... I can understand the feeling.
[ taair moves to come join wherever she's sitting, plopping down a little closer. ]
May I ask of your circumstances, my dear friend? I don't mean to pry, but... I have been told I'm a reliably good listener.
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[ she truly seems to mean it and not trying to dismiss him ]
Especially if you don't know anything about computers.
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[ he says with such bright confidence - but then it dissolves into a laugh. ] ...I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It will take much more than that, I'm sure.
... Perhaps, then - would you tell me something of those that you miss? [ to the soft sound of the music, playing in the background. ] You mentioned a name, earlier.
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[ tiredly. but for the rest it takes her a second to recognize what he's talking about ]
A name? [ there's a beat ] --Dave, you mean? [ sigh ] That's... my son.
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[ he's immediately sympathetic - brows knitting together, heart squeezing tight behind his ribcage. ]
How old is he...? What's he like?
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He's twenty now. [ and maybe that sounds insane when she looks like a teenager ] He's smart, and he's stubborn, but we've been close his whole life, so maybe that last one's my fault.
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....Twenty...?
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[ :) :) :)
she gives him the out: ]
I'm in a younger version of my body on purpose.
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[ this is somewhere between shocked and wildly curious and teasing all at once. ]
Why is that? Or... is that another technological thing I may not quite yet understand...?
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[ baby taair!! ]
Hmm... In some sense, it is a tech thing. But mostly it was personal preference. [ a beat ] And to mess with Ramiel.
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To mess with Ramiel... how mischievous, Gamaliel! [ but not surprising at all ] Is that part of your skillset as an angel? Or... is it something that happened prior?
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Hm... Both, actually. You can look like whatever you want to in heaven, but I could already do this before I got here.
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[ from the same world... ] Fascinating...
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[ well at least they don't have to miss each other! ha ha. ha. anyway ]
It must be nice, to have family so close.
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[ not really said with any kind of guilt on her part ]
I never asked, do you have a family? People you miss?
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he looks down at his hands, the cheer melting off of his face, the smile going softer. sadder, a little more sheepish. ]
My situation is a bit complicated. [ ... ] My parents died when I was quite young - I don't really remember them.
And the person that I miss most is... well. I'm not entirely sure if she was real. It sounds ridiculous to say it out loud, but...
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... Talk to me about it? I know a thing or two about things and people not being entirely real.
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[ there's a soft, sympathetic smile, but... after a moment, he feels around in his pocket and pulls out his keychain! from the cyoa, and shows it to her. ]
... It was on Thursday. We were there for... well. It felt like a few months, but by the end, it must have been at least a century. All four of us lived lives that were not our own. And in my life... I was on my own for the first time, helping out soldiers as a healer as the other three were, too. We saw many horrors, and... as we were traveling from battlefront to battlefront, we came across a village that had been razed by the borisin, our enemies.
It was - of all people, it was some shade of Marcoh, who drew my attention to a little girl who was hiding in the ruins. She was terrified - and rightfully so. The borisin killed her family, her friends... she was the last one left.
And - [ with a very soft laugh. ] She was afraid of Marcoh, because he was so large. That was a little less rightful. But... since he called me, I was able to coax her out from the ruins.
Her name was Huohuo. She was a foxian, like Jiaoqiu, and she was very, very young. Maybe three or four years old.
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Huohuo... I heard you guys had memories of that place and that you felt you'd been gone for a while, but I didn't think about the people you might have met there. [ the life they were leading? ] What happened after that?
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Right.. I'm not sure what to think, even now. [ he says softly, setting a hand to his heart. ] The experience... every moment of it felt real. And it left its mark on me.
After that... she traveled with us, for some time. We protected her from an attack on the camp by staying with her and some of the others, at a great cost, but... we lost so many people - she was near inconsolable. Things get a bit blurry after that, but I know that I spent time with her - a lot of it. Enough to try and help her heal, from all of that pain.
At one point we were separated, and I had to rescue her from a different situation entirely, and... it was all very complex. I ended up sacrificing myself to save her and the rest of the Xianzhou.
In doing so, I gave her the chance to escape from what was essentially a hostage situation - I managed to sneak her away from the danger and give her a chance to run. I had to let her go, because I knew I wouldn't be able to come back alive, and... [ ... ] it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
All of that, and then... I woke up here. To find that it was all just some sort of... I don't even know what to call it - I suppose... a dream.
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... Or a simulation. [ that's more to herself than it is to him because what does he. know about computers. nothing. ] It felt real to you while it was happening. And the actions and decisions you made in there, those were real, too. It's not as simple as if it really was a dream, because you were conscious the whole time.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. [ first of all, because. that is a failure on their part, she thinks. ] You don't have a sibling at home, right? This was your first one. And still, you did all of that to save her.
I don't know how it works. These places you're in. Things that aren't real can be for the people inside of them. So... Maybe there's a version of her out there that's alive because of what you've done.
no subject
he likes that - maybe there's a version of her out there that's alive, because of what you've done. ]
... A story with many settings. Many endings. Maybe even written by a different hand. [ a simulation does kind of make sense in that context - but more so, it feels like the strange changes of this week, too. how things could be different, if different choices were made. maybe all those versions of him exist, too.
there's a long, thoughtful pause - and then he smiles, gentle, and very genuine. ] Thank you, Gamaliel. For the explanation, and... for your kind words, too. It helps.
I think that I must tell myself - it is important to carry those people, those stories, with me. I believe so firmly that those that we remember, those we hold onto, live and remain so long as we don't forget them. It is part of why I write so much as I do.
[ ... ]
Have you experienced similar? Simulations, you said.
(no subject)