[ ... being able to do things for yourself. it always comes back to that, in the end - even here, dead, there's a knot of guilt that feels heavy in his chest, one that starts with taair who deluded himself into thinking he could have freedom in the first place.
he doesn't let himself linger on it too much, though, listening patiently to zuriel, and when they're finished, he nods, smile soft once more. since it's affection week, he leans a bit to give them a slight nudge with his shoulder. ]
I hope you know that includes you as well, dear Zuriel. [ in terms of chronicling!! ] I'd like to take down your story, too.
You think? I don't know if my story's any more interesting than everyone else's. After all, some of the worlds I've heard of since you've arrived are beyond anything I could have thought of myself.
It is the same for me - but that doesn't make any story less precious.
[ like. wow!! people go to space! people are hundreds of years old! and yet. ]
History should not only be meant for the strange and spectacular, or for the noble and wealthy, or for the most powerful. It should be meant for all. Everyone leaves a mark on this world, one way or another, and if it is in my power to chronicle those things, to keep those marks preserved for others to learn from in the far flung future, then it is something I want to do. Learning is how we find commonalities with each other, after all.
Besides. There is nothing I want more than to learn the stories of my dear friends. These sorts of bonds used to be a far off dream, for me, and I treasure them even more for it.
I wouldn't say that's a wrong way to think of it either. Some people aren't interested in history. I can't say I always am either... not when I care more about the future. But at the same time, how do you shape a future without your history anyway?
...you've really never had the chance to meet people like this? Did you have family at all? Anyone but Hope?
[ a little bit of a smile, with that - he doesn't seem especially pained by it. it's an old grief, now. ]
I was raised by someone, though, yes. Lady Caris was very kind to me.
[ there's something...empty, in the way he says that. a politeness like a void compared to the genuine warmth of his normal conversations - something perhaps most people might not notice were it not familiar. ]
But... beyond my tutors, and the guards, that was it. I have been out once - but only once, for a short amount of time. [ and just like that, the veneer is gone, replaced with his normal warm demeanor once again. ] And it was a wonderful time, but a brief one.
Oh. [ it's an old grief, but they seem to be reflective on that anyhow. ] I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you had someone though. Were you close before she took you in?
[ because they do hear that bit of unease, perhaps. neutrality. it comes from being a person who observes people closer than you'd think. they have questions, mostly because why were there guards? but... ]
Tell me about your day out. What did you get to do?
I did know her, but... honestly, my memories of that time are... fuzzy, so I couldn't say much beyond just that.
[ his childhood feels like a whirlwind of nothingness - blurry days of what could have been, marble floors and palace walls, but trying to find the details just draws a frustrating blank. ]
But, Lady Caris once ran an orphanage, so, she was qualified. [ this answer also is just that shy of nothingness, very professional, very polite. a qualified woman. not much of a word for a mother.
thankfully, the second question - now that clears it entirely, and he smiles again, this time ducking his head as he does. ]
It ended up roughly a week. [ me desperately piecing together timelines PRETEND I SAID A WEEK ] But... I met with a group of people who were allies of Lady Caris - the mercenary group, the Sword of Convallaria. I...ah, got lost, but the group was able to find me, and they offered to watch over me, while I spent time researching in the area of their town. And...it was wonderful. I did not tell Lady Caris what I hoped to do while I was there - to interview more people - but I was able to just...
[ as he works his way through this bit of his story, he gets more and more happy - almost breathless, with the wonder of it all, almost effusive with his delight, though he seems to remember himself at the very end. after all, this part of the story is strange, to most people, isn't it? and it dissolves into a soft laugh, sheepish. ]
....well, I was able to do things that most people would find quite boring. I spent time with the leader of the group. I visited a tavern for the first time, and helped pass out food to refugees, and I talked - I talked to so many people, Zuriel. As many as I could. It was the most wonderful time of my life.
I suppose that's a good enough measure. [ they say, somewhat stilted, as if they aren't quite sure.
but the rest catches their attention, and not just because of the title drop. it's because in a tiny way, it feels familiar. or at the very least, relatable. he can't see their face, but they seem at peace with the idea. ]
I don't know if I would find those things boring. Not with company you enjoy, at a time you're enjoying. Simple doesn't always equate to boring. I'm sure some of my favorite things are things people find boring, too. It was accomplishing something you'd wanted for a while, wasn't it? I think that's all that matters.
[ the happiest week of his entire life, actually. he's so happy to let go of the conversation about caris, the warmth instead of his memory of convallaria town like taking a sip of a warm cup of tea on a frosty winter's night. ]
I have...I suppose, a unique perspective on the simple pleasures of life. To me, even something as simple as buying bread from a market feels like a blessing. Let alone having a whole week to do those little things, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life.
...But - those pleasures are not so simple, that you and I aren't in agreement about them. [ he tilts his head back towards them with a warm smile. ] I'm sure I wouldn't find your favorite things boring, either.
I think people would call that being grateful, Taair. I know there's plenty I used to take for granted until recently... but lately I guess I've been more aware of the things I have over the things I don't. Even if that doesn't stop us from wanting more knowing it's out there, right?
[ they think they can definitely agree on that front, at least. ]
Not all of my favorite things are things either. But I think sometimes if you happen to find the right people, everything feels a little... [ they pause, searching for the right word before giving up. ] Magical.
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he doesn't let himself linger on it too much, though, listening patiently to zuriel, and when they're finished, he nods, smile soft once more. since it's affection week, he leans a bit to give them a slight nudge with his shoulder. ]
I hope you know that includes you as well, dear Zuriel. [ in terms of chronicling!! ] I'd like to take down your story, too.
no subject
You think? I don't know if my story's any more interesting than everyone else's. After all, some of the worlds I've heard of since you've arrived are beyond anything I could have thought of myself.
no subject
[ like. wow!! people go to space! people are hundreds of years old! and yet. ]
History should not only be meant for the strange and spectacular, or for the noble and wealthy, or for the most powerful. It should be meant for all. Everyone leaves a mark on this world, one way or another, and if it is in my power to chronicle those things, to keep those marks preserved for others to learn from in the far flung future, then it is something I want to do. Learning is how we find commonalities with each other, after all.
Besides. There is nothing I want more than to learn the stories of my dear friends. These sorts of bonds used to be a far off dream, for me, and I treasure them even more for it.
no subject
...you've really never had the chance to meet people like this? Did you have family at all? Anyone but Hope?
no subject
[ a little bit of a smile, with that - he doesn't seem especially pained by it. it's an old grief, now. ]
I was raised by someone, though, yes. Lady Caris was very kind to me.
[ there's something...empty, in the way he says that. a politeness like a void compared to the genuine warmth of his normal conversations - something perhaps most people might not notice were it not familiar. ]
But... beyond my tutors, and the guards, that was it. I have been out once - but only once, for a short amount of time. [ and just like that, the veneer is gone, replaced with his normal warm demeanor once again. ] And it was a wonderful time, but a brief one.
no subject
[ because they do hear that bit of unease, perhaps. neutrality. it comes from being a person who observes people closer than you'd think. they have questions, mostly because why were there guards? but... ]
Tell me about your day out. What did you get to do?
no subject
[ his childhood feels like a whirlwind of nothingness - blurry days of what could have been, marble floors and palace walls, but trying to find the details just draws a frustrating blank. ]
But, Lady Caris once ran an orphanage, so, she was qualified. [ this answer also is just that shy of nothingness, very professional, very polite. a qualified woman. not much of a word for a mother.
thankfully, the second question - now that clears it entirely, and he smiles again, this time ducking his head as he does. ]
It ended up roughly a week. [ me desperately piecing together timelines PRETEND I SAID A WEEK ] But... I met with a group of people who were allies of Lady Caris - the mercenary group, the Sword of Convallaria. I...ah, got lost, but the group was able to find me, and they offered to watch over me, while I spent time researching in the area of their town. And...it was wonderful. I did not tell Lady Caris what I hoped to do while I was there - to interview more people - but I was able to just...
[ as he works his way through this bit of his story, he gets more and more happy - almost breathless, with the wonder of it all, almost effusive with his delight, though he seems to remember himself at the very end. after all, this part of the story is strange, to most people, isn't it? and it dissolves into a soft laugh, sheepish. ]
....well, I was able to do things that most people would find quite boring. I spent time with the leader of the group. I visited a tavern for the first time, and helped pass out food to refugees, and I talked - I talked to so many people, Zuriel. As many as I could. It was the most wonderful time of my life.
no subject
but the rest catches their attention, and not just because of the title drop. it's because in a tiny way, it feels familiar. or at the very least, relatable. he can't see their face, but they seem at peace with the idea. ]
I don't know if I would find those things boring. Not with company you enjoy, at a time you're enjoying. Simple doesn't always equate to boring. I'm sure some of my favorite things are things people find boring, too. It was accomplishing something you'd wanted for a while, wasn't it? I think that's all that matters.
no subject
[ the happiest week of his entire life, actually. he's so happy to let go of the conversation about caris, the warmth instead of his memory of convallaria town like taking a sip of a warm cup of tea on a frosty winter's night. ]
I have...I suppose, a unique perspective on the simple pleasures of life. To me, even something as simple as buying bread from a market feels like a blessing. Let alone having a whole week to do those little things, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life.
...But - those pleasures are not so simple, that you and I aren't in agreement about them. [ he tilts his head back towards them with a warm smile. ] I'm sure I wouldn't find your favorite things boring, either.
no subject
[ they think they can definitely agree on that front, at least. ]
Not all of my favorite things are things either. But I think sometimes if you happen to find the right people, everything feels a little... [ they pause, searching for the right word before giving up. ] Magical.