[Kaworu stumbles, nearly to the floor, but manages to scramble upright. He rubs his arm where "Chrono" had gripped it and feeling the bruised skin twinge beneath his fingers.
He looks around the room, an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. He sees the television and backs away from it.]
[ there's nothing but silence for the moment. For a long moment. In fact, time starts to feel like nothing in particular in this place. It could be days, weeks even, that you're stuck here in this room with no one around, no one to speak to, nothing on the screen. Only the walls and the bed and the sound of your own thoughts.
Only very occasionally does something like the sound of laughter ring from somewhere, so quiet you could almost think you imagined it completely.
And then, the screen flicks to life. It seems like a video log, surveying Heaven itself. Familiar faces mill about with each other, laughing, joking, crying. All the things that people do with each other.
Who do you want to watch? If you want to watch at all. ]
But he'll drop in front of the television and start to watch, arms around his knees, watching like three year olds like Coco Melon or whatever they're into.]
It's easy enough to watch him as the screens flicker around to different views - he shows back up across the images shortly after leaving here. you can watch as he jogs over to laurence, waving across the way, grinning ear to eat to see him. so happy to see him. they're laughing about something together, some secret joke they have. maybe he seems relieved, at having completed some task he didn't share with you.
He gets the feeling if he just thinks about it, the screen can change. it's more of an imagination based technology. ]
[Boy. That stings. Like a dagger to the chest. Not seeing them together but just how happy they were to not include him. Had he done something wrong again?
Kaworu bites his lip and tries to think of a time he was happy like that with someone else... Anders... Taair or Richie... One of the adults that he has come to trust despite himself.]
anders is doing typical anders things, but he seems relieved too - lighter somehow. he's put away a lot of junk that had worked its way over to his side of the room, and doesn't even seem to notice that there's no one else he should be expecting. maybe it's good for him, to be free of certain burdens.
taair arranges the portraits on the memorial and writes in his journal, reads, laughs with fidelio. it seems like they're planning for the future, actually. where they might go together after all of this is over. it's nice to be able to think about things like that. futures. ]
[Oh well, some of that wasn't junk. It was the ballpit he had made for Nyanders he'd made out of tubing and boxes since it wasn't safe for her to go to the real ballpit. Why had Anders said it was fine if it upset him?
Futures... He watches them plan, so easily. They have visions of the future, things to do, places to go, the list is so long. Kaworu on the other hand has no vision of the future, everything he's tried to grab for himself has slipped through his fingers like air.
Kaworu stands and turns from the television, shaking with raw emotion. Why had they lied to him? No... they didn't lie, what he saw was a lie... Was he really such a burden on everyone, just a weight they drag around...?
He completes a lap of the room, stops at the television again... then slams his foot through the screen.]
[ he'll slam his foot through the screen and it shatters easily - though it does spread out into sharp and pointed shards that dig into the skin around his ankle, and his foot hits the wall with a slam. enough to hurt badly. he's never really been hurt before, has he? it hadn't hurt, when he'd died. it'd be over far too quickly for that.
but now he's oozing blood and his shoe has glass shards embedded in it, and the tv flickers uselessly - his only connection to the outside in this room.
it feels like more days pass. what do you think happens, when so much time has passed? does everyone simply pack and go home, and leave this world, this place that has been so much bigger than anywhere you've ever known? it could all be empty too, in time. ]
[He stumbles away with a sound like a wounded animal, gasping and wheezing at the pain in his ankle. Every movement feels like the jagged glass cutting again and the smell and sticky sensation of blood.
He sinks against the wall, clutching his ankle, staring into the flickering void of the television screen. Another victim of one of his tantrums. The committee always told him not to have tantrums.]
[ yes, you shouldn't be having tantrums, like some sort of child. because you are not a child. you are a tool. an instrument. something that cannot understand what it is to be so truly upset by something that it actually matters to you like this.
there's another long moment, and then--
a door starts to unseal slowly, on the opposite wall. ]
[He doesn't even have to steel himself to stand. He doesn't even think about the pain or the dried blood that pooled into his shoe or the crunch of glass beneath his sneakers. He walks as though on strings towards the door.]
[ he pushes open the door wider, and behind him - a hallway. and at the end of that ... light? somewhere to go maybe. but shinji stands in the doorway. ]
I wanted-- I needed to find you. I have something for you.
[ he pauses, thinking over how to phrase this, always a little bit bad at speaking his mind. ]
I came to help you - I saw what happened, and ... I can help. We both need to leave this place. They're going to run out of patience soon, and then they'll hurt you and that's not fair.
[ he seems very upset at the very thought. hasn't kaworu been through enough? at least at his hands. kaworu deserves this. a second chance. ]
If you take me with you, I can help. We'll always be together. And you'll always have me.
[He reaches out, pauses, and then takes Shinji's hand.
He does not think this is Shinji Ikari. Shinji Ikari would never come to help him of his own free will. Shinji Ikari is not so bold. If something were unfair, he would not speak out.
But why does it matter? Everyone may be happier without him in back in heaven. At least this is something else to try for a bit before it also crumbles apart.]
[ no, it's probably not shinji ikari. but it could be something better. as he takes the hand, he is filled with a sense of love, a comforting presence, a warm embrace. so strong it is enough to displace all of the memories of rejection and despair.
shinji - or whatever is wearing his face - smiles. he gets the sense he has agreed to something here, and the sensation fills him with peace and warmth. ]
Don't tell anyone, okay?
[ and then shinji pushes him out of the doorway, and into the light. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
holyspirits) wrote2025-03-23 03:14 pm
no subject
He looks around the room, an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. He sees the television and backs away from it.]
no subject
Only very occasionally does something like the sound of laughter ring from somewhere, so quiet you could almost think you imagined it completely.
And then, the screen flicks to life. It seems like a video log, surveying Heaven itself. Familiar faces mill about with each other, laughing, joking, crying. All the things that people do with each other.
Who do you want to watch? If you want to watch at all. ]
no subject
But he'll drop in front of the television and start to watch, arms around his knees, watching like three year olds like Coco Melon or whatever they're into.]
no subject
It's easy enough to watch him as the screens flicker around to different views - he shows back up across the images shortly after leaving here. you can watch as he jogs over to laurence, waving across the way, grinning ear to eat to see him. so happy to see him. they're laughing about something together, some secret joke they have. maybe he seems relieved, at having completed some task he didn't share with you.
He gets the feeling if he just thinks about it, the screen can change. it's more of an imagination based technology. ]
no subject
Kaworu bites his lip and tries to think of a time he was happy like that with someone else... Anders... Taair or Richie... One of the adults that he has come to trust despite himself.]
no subject
anders is doing typical anders things, but he seems relieved too - lighter somehow. he's put away a lot of junk that had worked its way over to his side of the room, and doesn't even seem to notice that there's no one else he should be expecting. maybe it's good for him, to be free of certain burdens.
taair arranges the portraits on the memorial and writes in his journal, reads, laughs with fidelio. it seems like they're planning for the future, actually. where they might go together after all of this is over. it's nice to be able to think about things like that. futures. ]
no subject
Futures... He watches them plan, so easily. They have visions of the future, things to do, places to go, the list is so long. Kaworu on the other hand has no vision of the future, everything he's tried to grab for himself has slipped through his fingers like air.
Kaworu stands and turns from the television, shaking with raw emotion. Why had they lied to him? No... they didn't lie, what he saw was a lie... Was he really such a burden on everyone, just a weight they drag around...?
He completes a lap of the room, stops at the television again... then slams his foot through the screen.]
no subject
but now he's oozing blood and his shoe has glass shards embedded in it, and the tv flickers uselessly - his only connection to the outside in this room.
it feels like more days pass. what do you think happens, when so much time has passed? does everyone simply pack and go home, and leave this world, this place that has been so much bigger than anywhere you've ever known? it could all be empty too, in time. ]
no subject
He sinks against the wall, clutching his ankle, staring into the flickering void of the television screen. Another victim of one of his tantrums. The committee always told him not to have tantrums.]
no subject
there's another long moment, and then--
a door starts to unseal slowly, on the opposite wall. ]
Are you in here?
[ a familiar voice. ]
no subject
Shinji-kun-?
[He doesn't even have to steel himself to stand. He doesn't even think about the pain or the dried blood that pooled into his shoe or the crunch of glass beneath his sneakers. He walks as though on strings towards the door.]
no subject
I wanted-- I needed to find you. I have something for you.
no subject
But... why are you here?
[In heaven... and here to find him? Would Shinji Ikari ever do such a thing.]
no subject
I came to help you - I saw what happened, and ... I can help. We both need to leave this place. They're going to run out of patience soon, and then they'll hurt you and that's not fair.
[ he seems very upset at the very thought. hasn't kaworu been through enough? at least at his hands. kaworu deserves this. a second chance. ]
If you take me with you, I can help. We'll always be together. And you'll always have me.
[ he holds out a hand? ]
I promise, I won't leave.
no subject
He does not think this is Shinji Ikari. Shinji Ikari would never come to help him of his own free will. Shinji Ikari is not so bold. If something were unfair, he would not speak out.
But why does it matter? Everyone may be happier without him in back in heaven. At least this is something else to try for a bit before it also crumbles apart.]
no subject
shinji - or whatever is wearing his face - smiles. he gets the sense he has agreed to something here, and the sensation fills him with peace and warmth. ]
Don't tell anyone, okay?
[ and then shinji pushes him out of the doorway, and into the light. ]