[ this continues to cause psych damage, but she's ignoring it in favor of continuing to do this. ]
Supposedly, God is capable of great miracles. [ she should sound more sure considering she's an angel, but it's fine. ] I think if anyone could find a way, it would be them. But... [ she's not even sure how it'd work, actually. ] I don't suppose there's anything wrong with thinking about what you truly want. Isn't that sort of the point? Working for a redemption to go back to an improved life.
I want to be with my friends. [ and maybe it's because he's spent so long losing them, and then reuniting them, that this is at the forefront of his mind ] I'd... like to be loved, whether that means I have my scar or not.
[ a beat ]
... I think I just want to have hope again, and not have to carry it by myself. And... I'd rather not lose touch with any of you.
Yves, do you ask for so little because it's easier to accept it might not happen than to dream bigger? [ yes, fine, maybe those are big concepts, but to zuriel these all make perfect sense. you want to be with your friends. you want to be loved. you want to keep your new friends close. you want support. these are all very basic human concepts, and she does not think it's a lot to ask when the core of it comes down to "i want to be with people i care about and who care about me." ]
[ a little stunned, like he never thought about it like that ]
I guess I just never had everything I wanted all at the same time... Even when things were good, I knew I could only live 23 years or choose to never feel love again...
[ so much about basic life felt so far out of reach, and he only got more insane about his emotional processing and his needs after the fire ]
[ well that makes two of them, so she can't even scold him for thinking that way. ]
... there's a lot I wanted back home, too, that I knew I'd never get. [ she laughs a little, like she thinks this is stupid to think about in comparison to yves' everything. ] When my school's guidance counselor told me I wouldn't be able to even consider applying to the college I wanted to, I think I nearly cried because I'd deluded myself into thinking the impossible things I wanted were possible. There are some things you never have, and you know you'll never have, and you just accept them. Like a cell phone. Or money. Or a father. Or true love. You accept what you can get, because it's what's available and it's easier not to dwell on what you can't have because when you think about it, it consumes you.
And now being here and being told you might be able to have those things feels just as impossible because you've never had it before. [ she tilts her head to look at him a little. ] Something like that?
[ yves is quiet listening to her, his fingers still gently work through her hair in a way that i oocly find hilarious now. ]
... yeah. A lot like that.
[ with a little sigh ]
I was content as a child, but... I already knew that we weren't like people born outside of our country. But I still tried to love it. And it was still hard sometimes, when the flowers my grandfather loved were hated so deeply by others.
Then when I lost everything... it felt like some things were never possible. So to be here, where everyone is so kind and they treat my scar like it's nothing... I don't know.
I want to hope that it'll be alright. But.. what if it isn't?
You want to tell everyone how they're wrong for thinking poorly of the things you do love, but all you can really do is keep loving them the way you want to yourself.
[ she's shifting to lean against him a little more because this is still stuff she hates to hear from him. ]
... it feels complicated when you're used to being treated a way, and then everyone here is the opposite of that. And you can't take everyone with you, so you're wondering how it'll be if you do go back to that old life. I think... [ what does she think? ] What does "not alright" feel like now?
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Supposedly, God is capable of great miracles. [ she should sound more sure considering she's an angel, but it's fine. ] I think if anyone could find a way, it would be them. But... [ she's not even sure how it'd work, actually. ] I don't suppose there's anything wrong with thinking about what you truly want. Isn't that sort of the point? Working for a redemption to go back to an improved life.
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yves looks thoughtful at that.... ]
... yes. But... what happens if I come up with a life that even God can't grant me?
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[ a beat ]
... I think I just want to have hope again, and not have to carry it by myself. And... I'd rather not lose touch with any of you.
But I know... that's a lot to ask for.
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Yves, do you ask for so little because it's easier to accept it might not happen than to dream bigger? [ yes, fine, maybe those are big concepts, but to zuriel these all make perfect sense. you want to be with your friends. you want to be loved. you want to keep your new friends close. you want support. these are all very basic human concepts, and she does not think it's a lot to ask when the core of it comes down to "i want to be with people i care about and who care about me." ]
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[ a little stunned, like he never thought about it like that ]
I guess I just never had everything I wanted all at the same time... Even when things were good, I knew I could only live 23 years or choose to never feel love again...
[ so much about basic life felt so far out of reach, and he only got more insane about his emotional processing and his needs after the fire ]
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... there's a lot I wanted back home, too, that I knew I'd never get. [ she laughs a little, like she thinks this is stupid to think about in comparison to yves' everything. ] When my school's guidance counselor told me I wouldn't be able to even consider applying to the college I wanted to, I think I nearly cried because I'd deluded myself into thinking the impossible things I wanted were possible. There are some things you never have, and you know you'll never have, and you just accept them. Like a cell phone. Or money. Or a father. Or true love. You accept what you can get, because it's what's available and it's easier not to dwell on what you can't have because when you think about it, it consumes you.
And now being here and being told you might be able to have those things feels just as impossible because you've never had it before. [ she tilts her head to look at him a little. ] Something like that?
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... yeah. A lot like that.
[ with a little sigh ]
I was content as a child, but... I already knew that we weren't like people born outside of our country. But I still tried to love it. And it was still hard sometimes, when the flowers my grandfather loved were hated so deeply by others.
Then when I lost everything... it felt like some things were never possible. So to be here, where everyone is so kind and they treat my scar like it's nothing... I don't know.
I want to hope that it'll be alright. But.. what if it isn't?
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You want to tell everyone how they're wrong for thinking poorly of the things you do love, but all you can really do is keep loving them the way you want to yourself.
[ she's shifting to lean against him a little more because this is still stuff she hates to hear from him. ]
... it feels complicated when you're used to being treated a way, and then everyone here is the opposite of that. And you can't take everyone with you, so you're wondering how it'll be if you do go back to that old life. I think... [ what does she think? ] What does "not alright" feel like now?