[ there's a low hum of thought to that, and they don't answer immediately. ]
... if I were you, maybe I'd feel the same. Being indecisive and judging based on where the people I care about would go. Some people would call that complacency though.
[ that gets a short laugh of their own, under their breath and slightly incredulous, but it's there. ]
And if I asked where you'd go instead, the answer would be "where my friends are." Right? I don't know about deserving heaven or not, but you're already here. That has to count for something.
Because I killed my friend. [ he's pretty open, especially about what he perceives to be his sins. in a place like heaven, isn't it that much more important that he should be judged for them? ] He's not here...
... is it? [ softly wondering ] I feel like no matter what reason I had, I did kill someone I cared about...
[ so why does he get to be in heaven? but to answer the question: ]
Mm... he was hurting a lot of people, and they died because of him. So I had to stop him, and the only way I could do so was by choosing the course where I died too.
Would you have killed him if he didn't need to be stopped from hurting other people? [ just a thought. ] Was there another option you could have taken to stop him?
Then isn't it kinda more accurate to say you killed someone you cared about to help a situation from escalating? [ there's a long pause. ] But even with the best intentions, it doesn't change that you're left feeling the weight of that decision. Having to contend with that fact your hands made the call, even if people think it was the right one.
[ so. they get it. ]
... tell me about this guy. What was he doing? [ "who was he to you?" ]
I think they're both accurate. But... you're right.
[ he can give the full story without hesitating now ]
Scien was—is—my friend. He was infuriating, but he was the savior of our country. The only reason the curse on our island didn't wipe us all out ages ago, and the reason why we could survive this long. He was also working the hardest of everyone to solve the curse. He was prideful, difficult, and impossible to understand. [ a little laugh ] And he was steadfast, generous without expectation of reciprocation, and loyal.
He solved the curse, actually. He had the nerve to give us all salvation first, just to follow through on his word. For no one's satisfaction but his own.
[ his smile turns... sad ] ... and without his life's work to distract him, nothing could distract him from the fact that his lover died. I think something in him... broke.
So he took the same island he saved and started sacrificing others so that he could bring her back, because he missed her so much. Loved her so much.
... I couldn't let him. I don't blame him, even though I'm sure people tell me I should. But I... don't want it to be about who was right or wrong, or good or evil. I just know we both had things we loved and needed to protect, and that was the outcome.
[ if anything, they're a good listener. they're walking along and waiting for the train and they're digesting all of this slowly as they piece together this story. they don't ask about the curse and they don't ask how scien solved it, because that doesn't matter. what matters is it was solved, but... it makes sense, too, that a man would crack without a solid foundation holding him together. lesser men have crumbled for smaller things. ]
I think people like that are under a lot of pressure, even if they don't appear affected by it. How could they not be? And without an outlet for that... [ things go badly. ] Besides, people do all sorts of insane things for love. That's what makes the whole thing so dangerous.
[ man... ]
Did he ever get close to bringing her back? How... I guess it doesn't matter how he was gonna accomplish it if it meant sacrifices. But you knew and you chose to stop him. [ ... ] Did you get to talk to him before? Not really to negotiate, but...
[ at least say goodbye to the person he once knew. ]
[ love is dangerous... and yet yves craves it. he smiles sadly at the questions, and nods ]
Yes... and yes. Before she died... he was able to download her... memories? Personality? And then uploaded them into himself? They were together all those years, but only in his mind. [ SCIEN YOU GET SO FUCKING CRAZY ]
When I confronted him... I was able to address them both.
And I think... we did understand each other, in the end.
... no, I think it was her. Even at the end... she was pleading him not to sacrifice others for her sake. He wouldn't compromise the person he loves so much for that.
[ scien you are sooooo crazy ]
But... yes, I was. I made the choice to have us both die there. I accomplished what I needed to. It's part of why... I don't think I really want to go back.
[ scien you are SO crazy... gabriel is just nodding along because this is a lot to process, and yet this also makes some sense. ]
... going back won't erase what happened before your own death. [ first of all. ] But going back, you'd have to live in the aftermath of what happened. And that kind of guilt, even if it was technically the right thing, can be a lot for a single person. Especially if you were friends before.
[ . . . yeah. that sounds about right. there's nothing he can do to change the past, and going back sounds like living in hades itself. maybe it's a punishment he deserves but... for him, it's not some great opportunity to return to such an ending like it is for others. ]
... yeah.
[ a beat ]
Thank you for listening, Gabriel. You're quite good at it.
[ and without judgment that yves normally faces, with people trying to talk him out of giving up ]
[ there's a slight huff, and gabriel shakes their head this time. ]
I try to be. Or, I guess, I want to be. So thanks for trusting me enough to indulge in the questions. I'll be around if you ever need someone to listen again.
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yves looks thoughtful ]
... respect their memory?
And for the people still here... try to help them achieve redemption, so they can get what they want.
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That's a start, yeah. [ it makes sense to them. ] I think it's fine if you want to help other people achieve redemption, but what about you?
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[ if adolphe is going to heaven then that's easy ]
But I guess because I'm less decisive or desperate to get back to what I need to... I'm okay figuring things out as I go.
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... if I were you, maybe I'd feel the same. Being indecisive and judging based on where the people I care about would go. Some people would call that complacency though.
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They would! And they'd be right. [ he doesn't mind the word ]
But it's hard, when I don't even think I deserve Heaven but I don't know if I want to go home.
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And if I asked where you'd go instead, the answer would be "where my friends are." Right? I don't know about deserving heaven or not, but you're already here. That has to count for something.
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But if you asked me what I'm deserving of, it'd probably be Hades.
[ just to be honest ]
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[ they appreciate the honesty, now elaborate. ]
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So I think I should go to wherever he went.
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Isn't that kinda circumstantial? For example, uh, why'd you kill him?
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[ so why does he get to be in heaven? but to answer the question: ]
Mm... he was hurting a lot of people, and they died because of him. So I had to stop him, and the only way I could do so was by choosing the course where I died too.
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[ he tries to avoid killing whenever possible, and also despite everything he does still love scien in his own weird way ]
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[ so. they get it. ]
... tell me about this guy. What was he doing? [ "who was he to you?" ]
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I think they're both accurate. But... you're right.
[ he can give the full story without hesitating now ]
Scien was—is—my friend. He was infuriating, but he was the savior of our country. The only reason the curse on our island didn't wipe us all out ages ago, and the reason why we could survive this long. He was also working the hardest of everyone to solve the curse. He was prideful, difficult, and impossible to understand. [ a little laugh ] And he was steadfast, generous without expectation of reciprocation, and loyal.
He solved the curse, actually. He had the nerve to give us all salvation first, just to follow through on his word. For no one's satisfaction but his own.
[ his smile turns... sad ] ... and without his life's work to distract him, nothing could distract him from the fact that his lover died. I think something in him... broke.
So he took the same island he saved and started sacrificing others so that he could bring her back, because he missed her so much. Loved her so much.
... I couldn't let him. I don't blame him, even though I'm sure people tell me I should. But I... don't want it to be about who was right or wrong, or good or evil. I just know we both had things we loved and needed to protect, and that was the outcome.
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I think people like that are under a lot of pressure, even if they don't appear affected by it. How could they not be? And without an outlet for that... [ things go badly. ] Besides, people do all sorts of insane things for love. That's what makes the whole thing so dangerous.
[ man... ]
Did he ever get close to bringing her back? How... I guess it doesn't matter how he was gonna accomplish it if it meant sacrifices. But you knew and you chose to stop him. [ ... ] Did you get to talk to him before? Not really to negotiate, but...
[ at least say goodbye to the person he once knew. ]
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Yes... and yes. Before she died... he was able to download her... memories? Personality? And then uploaded them into himself? They were together all those years, but only in his mind. [ SCIEN YOU GET SO FUCKING CRAZY ]
When I confronted him... I was able to address them both.
And I think... we did understand each other, in the end.
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But was it really her? Or was it just a ghost inside his head that said everything he wanted to hear and acted the way he wanted to remember her?
[ but then yves keeps saying things and they allow that to float around in their head. ]
It's some closure, even if it's not enough. Were you satisfied enough before the end?
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[ scien you are sooooo crazy ]
But... yes, I was. I made the choice to have us both die there. I accomplished what I needed to. It's part of why... I don't think I really want to go back.
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... going back won't erase what happened before your own death. [ first of all. ] But going back, you'd have to live in the aftermath of what happened. And that kind of guilt, even if it was technically the right thing, can be a lot for a single person. Especially if you were friends before.
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... yeah.
[ a beat ]
Thank you for listening, Gabriel. You're quite good at it.
[ and without judgment that yves normally faces, with people trying to talk him out of giving up ]
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I try to be. Or, I guess, I want to be. So thanks for trusting me enough to indulge in the questions. I'll be around if you ever need someone to listen again.