[ they cut themselves off, because they were immediately going to say that's stupid, and that is maybe a bit disparaging and they are aware enough to note that. ]
[ gamaliel you are so cute... yves will just go to gently take their hand in turn ]
I... don't like telling people because sometimes they try to cast blame on someone who doesn't deserve it. Or they start to pity me, or it just... makes them sad.
[ he told richie and that guy just straight up lost his appetite ]
I don't think you'd start to be unfair or anything, but... I hope you don't get too upset.
[ they look down at the hand hold and do nothing to stop it ]
I can promise not to cast judgment if it helps you. [ not to cast judgment out loud, maybe. ] I'm used to people's pain. I promise I can handle it. But you don't have to share just because I ask.
[ they are repeating it maybe because of how yves has been so far ]
[ yves cannot see this, but the way their head is tilted up at him as they stay silent and rock on their heels a little, he can probably guess they are smiling innocently somewhere under the light ]
It's just that my scar... I had a normal life before. My parents looked after me, and my life was really good even though we were just a family in Coene - commoners, with a few odd family traditions.
But after the fire... I got burned. And the burn, it's—it's not normal. People couldn't stand to look at me. Not the doctor who treated me, not my parents. They thought I was possessed by some demon, and ended up trying to...
[ trails off. a pause. ]
... even when I was taken in by the orphanage, even though they were nice enough to save me from Death that time, they still couldn't stand the sight of me. It was just pity.
Until I was given the mask, it was just... a really lonely existence. [ softer, like he doesn't like admitting it out loud ] And then, afterward, even if people wanted to get closer to me or girls said they liked me... if I took off the mask, they'd just take off screaming.
So I think... it must be me. There must be something that can't be loved, and I think it's my scar.
[ okay well they promised not to get upset where yves could see and they are doing a great job of it, because they simply stand very still and squeeze his hand through the story and that's that.
and then they left out a long breath like they are holding it together ]
Okay. That's... There's a lot I disagree with in that. And I think it's insane anyone reacted to you like that for something that wasn't your fault. [ they are managing to keep their tone very level ] People react badly to things they don't understand or that they aren't used to. To things that are different. I guess your scar is that to them, so they react with fear. I've seen it happen over and over again.
[ there's a pause ]
It's stupid. [ blunt ] And in a better world I'd tell you it doesn't matter, but the same happens to people people who were burnt victims at home, and we found ways around that. To fix that. It shouldn't matter but it does and if what you want is to get rid of it, even if God wouldn't grant that, I would.
[ they sound like they mean that more than anything else ]
[ yves nods - because he agrees. he thinks that the main reaction to his scar is fear and terror, and then followed by disgust and hatred. it's not anything unexpected and while it hurts sometimes to think about, because he knows the fire didn't change him... he himself doesn't feel any anger about it.
gamaliel's is warm. the certainty makes him smile, soft and touched. ]
Then... I'm lucky to have such a wonderful friend. [ sincerely ] I do want to get rid of it.
I know that to others who don't think it's a big deal, I might seem overdramatic but... I want to be loved. I don't know how to separate the two, after all this time.
You're loved without that. Even if it isn't romantic yet.
[ they say that first, quickly, because it's important, even though they have known yves like. ten minutes. it's fucking monday. but they also don't mean just themselves so it's fine!!!! ]
But it's not overdramatic. It's something that shaped your life that you didn't ask for. If getting rid of it helps, then it helps.
[ . . . well, he just smiles a little at the reminder. it's probably true. monsieur lucas loves all his students, and adolphe does care about yves deeply. pretending otherwise would be ignoring all adolphe had done for him, in every life. ]
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[ they cut themselves off, because they were immediately going to say that's stupid, and that is maybe a bit disparaging and they are aware enough to note that. ]
Why do you think?
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[ he looks thoughtful for a second, gaze drifting out to the ocean. but... he knows that gamaliel wants to help. ]
It's a sad story... is that okay?
[ this time the tag is for zia ]
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they will very gently hold onto his sleeve ]
It's your sad story. Not mine. It won't bother me, but you don't have to share if you don't want to.
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I... don't like telling people because sometimes they try to cast blame on someone who doesn't deserve it. Or they start to pity me, or it just... makes them sad.
[ he told richie and that guy just straight up lost his appetite ]
I don't think you'd start to be unfair or anything, but... I hope you don't get too upset.
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I can promise not to cast judgment if it helps you. [ not to cast judgment out loud, maybe. ] I'm used to people's pain. I promise I can handle it. But you don't have to share just because I ask.
[ they are repeating it maybe because of how yves has been so far ]
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Do you think that I'll agree to anything that people ask me to do?
It's okay. I promise I have limits and know how to stand up for myself, if there's really something I'd rather avoid.
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[ UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE!!! ]
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[ easily enough ]
But... I know you're here to help me. I know you want to help me. So... why wouldn't I let you get to know me?
As long as you're sure about it too, then I don't think I have anything to be afraid of.
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I'm sure. I already said so. And I promise not to get upset where you can see it.
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Did I?
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sighs.... ]
I won't make you say you're sure again...
[ he just shakes his head ]
It's just that my scar... I had a normal life before. My parents looked after me, and my life was really good even though we were just a family in Coene - commoners, with a few odd family traditions.
But after the fire... I got burned. And the burn, it's—it's not normal. People couldn't stand to look at me. Not the doctor who treated me, not my parents. They thought I was possessed by some demon, and ended up trying to...
[ trails off. a pause. ]
... even when I was taken in by the orphanage, even though they were nice enough to save me from Death that time, they still couldn't stand the sight of me. It was just pity.
Until I was given the mask, it was just... a really lonely existence. [ softer, like he doesn't like admitting it out loud ] And then, afterward, even if people wanted to get closer to me or girls said they liked me... if I took off the mask, they'd just take off screaming.
So I think... it must be me. There must be something that can't be loved, and I think it's my scar.
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and then they left out a long breath like they are holding it together ]
Okay. That's... There's a lot I disagree with in that. And I think it's insane anyone reacted to you like that for something that wasn't your fault. [ they are managing to keep their tone very level ] People react badly to things they don't understand or that they aren't used to. To things that are different. I guess your scar is that to them, so they react with fear. I've seen it happen over and over again.
[ there's a pause ]
It's stupid. [ blunt ] And in a better world I'd tell you it doesn't matter, but the same happens to people people who were burnt victims at home, and we found ways around that. To fix that. It shouldn't matter but it does and if what you want is to get rid of it, even if God wouldn't grant that, I would.
[ they sound like they mean that more than anything else ]
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gamaliel's is warm. the certainty makes him smile, soft and touched. ]
Then... I'm lucky to have such a wonderful friend. [ sincerely ] I do want to get rid of it.
I know that to others who don't think it's a big deal, I might seem overdramatic but... I want to be loved. I don't know how to separate the two, after all this time.
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[ they say that first, quickly, because it's important, even though they have known yves like. ten minutes. it's fucking monday. but they also don't mean just themselves so it's fine!!!! ]
But it's not overdramatic. It's something that shaped your life that you didn't ask for. If getting rid of it helps, then it helps.
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... thanks, Gamaliel. You're a good friend.
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