[ well, unlike gabriel, zuriel's response to seeing something like this is to full-on stop and just watch it for a while. and her expression shifts as the memory goes, from confusion to uncertainty to outright sadness at the end before she lets her gaze drift back to jacopo instead. ]
... I think I understand a little better now. Why you wouldn't want to go through with the judgment, or even consider really going back.
[ He doesn't even need to watch or look at them to know what's playing. The sound of Morgana's weak voice is enough... It still affects him. He's having many thoughts, all contending. ]
I'm sure my spot could have gone to someone else.
[ More deserving, even if this is more about how he can't forgive himself, let alone redeem for himself. ]
I've been progressively shrinking the slums, which has negatively affected my popularity with the peasantry... Not that they've been happy with me to begin with. They don't understand that for the quality of life to rise for them, it must rise for the whole city. The slums needed to disappear.
[ Even though that was once his home, you look forward. You want better. A city without peasants? Sometimes you're ambitious. ]
The church was a small distraction... From their dissatisfaction as I was working through my plans.
[ And, well, he made a choice that he didn't want to make. Frankly, he doesn't know why he did something so stupid, but also he does. He acted as lord rather than himself. ]
[ when he lays it out that way, yes, it makes sense. at the same time, she can sort of see why the people in the slums might be angry. so she's quiet, trying to figure out what to say here. ]
Did you tell the people of the slums that? Or did you have to act without drawing more attention to yourself than necessary?
... If someone who was planting more guards around your home and shrinking your neighborhoods told you to trust them that things will get better, they will just have to be worse first, would you? [ He understands it on a personal level because he was there before. ] My own friends who knew me before all of this lost faith.
I... Didn't need to scheme, but it came naturally.
[ honestly, this church plan is insane but a good political move ]
That would wholly depend on who that someone was. [ so yeah, she's flipping this back to him because... she does not like hearing about the breakdown of friendships. ]
They should have trusted you. [ she's biased. ] If you knew them so long, and they trusted you before, why would they suddenly trust you less just because some circumstances changed?
[ she observes him though. ]
... I think you have the potential for being a good leader. But you walked into a very messy situation as it was.
It's difficult when you can't decide where it went wrong, I imagine. [ so. she can't quite comment, but she understands how it could be devastating in its own way.
Guardian angels are meant to have better judgment.
[ Almost chastising. Fortunately, his demons have not been unveiled here, just that he had a sanity slip (a prolonged one, but it's fine). ]
I'm sick of talking about myself. [ This week had started off with so much. People trying to give to him, but him being incapable of giving back. ] Has there been any change to that memory issue?
[ i did not receive one, but only if you want to share.... memshare week is a lot.
His nose wrinkles when she pushes back that she has good taste. It's always better to focus on others, even though the voices don't quiet that much more. There's just... Something as distraction. ]
It was something you thought you forgot... Yet you remember things that have no place in your memories.
Oh yes. That. [ she says this with a sigh as if she's put off by it. ] It persists, but there are some things...
[ for instance, there is a memory to support her point which feels hilarious coming before the thread the girls are terrorizing him but it's fine. also art ref
[ i don't know how but i missed a bunch of my audience notifs
"Not being able to kiss someone was a lot like being poor." YOU'RE SO RIGHT, BLUE. I AM SO POOR RIGHT NOW WATCHING THIS GAME... BUT IT IS W4 AND I AM OPTIMISTIC WE WILL HAVE MORE THEN 20 AT THE END. It's very strange to him to watch a young girl's memories. Instinctively, he looks away out of politeness.
It doesn't stop him from hearing it all, though. It's all... So embarrassing. But young girls should have time to be young girls. They should be able to kiss, regardless of the fate put upon them, and maybe he lifts his gaze to see Noah disappear. It is odd, but he understands it better than the technology memshares he gets. ]
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[ HE IS A FICKLE PERSON even though he's also incredibly consistent. ]
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How often do I catch you in a good mood versus a bad mood anyhow?
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I don't know if it's better to say "it's only a week" or "maybe next week will be better." Depending on how optimistic you may be feeling.
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well they are interrupted by this.... ]
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... I think I understand a little better now. Why you wouldn't want to go through with the judgment, or even consider really going back.
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[ He doesn't even need to watch or look at them to know what's playing. The sound of Morgana's weak voice is enough... It still affects him. He's having many thoughts, all contending. ]
I'm sure my spot could have gone to someone else.
[ More deserving, even if this is more about how he can't forgive himself, let alone redeem for himself. ]
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... how long ago was that? [ a pause. ] Is there any way to help her at all?
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[ IT'S SOOOO RECENT. ]
... I could have released her earlier, I suppose.
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[ and things don't quite add up. ]
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I thought it was worth the sacrifice.
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... walk me through that thought process. [ a pause. ] Please?
[ see? polite. ]
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[ Even though that was once his home, you look forward. You want better. A city without peasants? Sometimes you're ambitious. ]
The church was a small distraction... From their dissatisfaction as I was working through my plans.
[ And, well, he made a choice that he didn't want to make. Frankly, he doesn't know why he did something so stupid, but also he does. He acted as lord rather than himself. ]
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Did you tell the people of the slums that? Or did you have to act without drawing more attention to yourself than necessary?
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I... Didn't need to scheme, but it came naturally.
[ honestly, this church plan is insane but a good political move ]
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They should have trusted you. [ she's biased. ] If you knew them so long, and they trusted you before, why would they suddenly trust you less just because some circumstances changed?
[ she observes him though. ]
... I think you have the potential for being a good leader. But you walked into a very messy situation as it was.
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[ It may be in regard to his friends before, but he doesn't see himself distant from that lesson, either. He changed, too.
It just feels lonelier to consider that maybe you weren't friends at all with these people you used to greet every day. ]
You're not willing to damn me.
[ He should have known. ]
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she shakes her head though. ]
I'm not. Does that disappoint you?
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[ Almost chastising. Fortunately, his demons have not been unveiled here, just that he had a sanity slip (a prolonged one, but it's fine). ]
I'm sick of talking about myself. [ This week had started off with so much. People trying to give to him, but him being incapable of giving back. ] Has there been any change to that memory issue?
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[ but she gets what he's doing, so she concedes as i try to remember if i gave you a mem back if you would like one. ]
Hm. Remind me of the memory issue, exactly? [ she knows. she is giving him an out to latch onto so he can pull himself back together for now. ]
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His nose wrinkles when she pushes back that she has good taste. It's always better to focus on others, even though the voices don't quiet that much more. There's just... Something as distraction. ]
It was something you thought you forgot... Yet you remember things that have no place in your memories.
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[ for instance, there is a memory to support her point which feels hilarious coming before the thread the girls are terrorizing him but it's fine. also art ref
whoops... sorry.... for sap... ]
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"Not being able to kiss someone was a lot like being poor." YOU'RE SO RIGHT, BLUE. I AM SO POOR RIGHT NOW WATCHING THIS GAME... BUT IT IS W4 AND I AM OPTIMISTIC WE WILL HAVE MORE THEN 20 AT THE END. It's very strange to him to watch a young girl's memories. Instinctively, he looks away out of politeness.
It doesn't stop him from hearing it all, though. It's all... So embarrassing. But young girls should have time to be young girls. They should be able to kiss, regardless of the fate put upon them, and maybe he lifts his gaze to see Noah disappear. It is odd, but he understands it better than the technology memshares he gets. ]
I'm sorry—for having seen that.
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anyway, that's fair. she's staring at the mirror even while he looks away and she sighs to herself. ]
I hardly remember it, really. [ therein lies the problem. meet the thing she doesn't remember, named noah. ]
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Squints.... Frowns. This just seems sad to be taken away for young girls who didn't allow themselves to act on love. ]
I... See. Is this the effect of whatever that keeps him here as an actual ghost? I wonder.
[ rather than his own fake ghosts ]
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