Not really? [ he can admit that much, because while he hasn't actively told anyone how he feels about it he has been struggling on and off for a while. ] ... I did something really stupid and got arrested while she was in the hospital. And she died before I was released. I never got to actually make things right by her in a way that she wouldn't die disappointed in me, I think. [ it's a very vague summary of everything, but he figures jacopo wouldn't need to or understand the nuances of modern world stuff anyway. ]
... while I was gone though, after she passed, my dad met someone else. Fell in love and decided to get married again and move us to a new town to be with his new fiancée. When I got out, I came home and found my room in boxes. Wasn't much of a choice but to keep going like... I don't know. Like nothing happened, and I was just supposed to pretend to be totally fine with the fact he not only went somewhere else entirely and met someone else but that he also changed our entire lives while making it very clear he no longer trusted me.
The place we moved to was nice enough. I was only there for about a day before I died though, so... maybe I would've liked it, or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I never really knew how to feel.
[ You are going through a lot, Jonas. You are spilling your heart out and Jacopo is listening, though he's also like... "I am incredibly ill-equipped for comfort." Maybe when he was a better man, he'd know what to say, even if it was awkwardly. There are still the pieces that tell him it isn't worth shit, but... He can see Gabriel's struggle and his pain vividly enough. He wants to give something to placate some of that hurt. ]
It's difficult to find a place to belong, isn't it. Or a place to feel safe.
[ Because it sounds like Gabriel is displaced. Of course he relates... Jacopo's life had been turbulent in similar ways where he's forced to move elsewhere, abandon his life multiple times, pick himself up. Sometimes, you're lost? ]
You're here now, which I don't think has at all helped you.
[ hilariously he's telling jacopo this because he knows the man isn't going to give him pleasant platitudes and words of comfort. he's just going to listen and unfortunately understand without trying to say this has nothing to do with how they got here, and maybe that's what he wants right now. people like yves have wanted him to share for a long time and he's afraid of the response. jacopo is reasonable and still saying the things gabriel needs and wants to hear.
because yes. that's what it boils down to. he'd told someone he wanted to go home without actually wanting to go home, and they said "it sounds like you want somewhere warm and safe", and yeah. that's it. ]
Kinda feels like I got kicked out of my own life. And even then it's like... I couldn't bring myself to care about it anymore when it felt like nobody else did either. Maybe if I had goals or if I was smart or if I could do something other than destroy my own life I'd feel differently. And... yeah. Coming here didn't help.
[ ... ]
I didn't know what to do about the move, but... there was someone I met. We were supposed to figure out how to get along, and I know she didn't want me around that night because she basically had to be a glorified babysitter to make sure my ass didn't get in trouble immediately. But she was still cool about it? We... went to this island with a couple of her friends. And then shit went bad, and then really bad, but even at its worst we were together. Ghosts, you know? Kinda ruin the mood. But we talked a lot that night, exploring the island and trying to find our way off while getting possessed and watching people die and just... bad. It was bad. But she made it better. We made a really good team, and I think she could have been...
[ trailing off, he stops for a second. ]
I left her behind. I did something stupid, and the ghosts closed in, and I fell into the void and died. I left her alone. [ a regret. ] I thought that was it, but then God found me. You know the rest. Now I work here.
[ jacopo, not actually knowing the rest at the time of this thread. ]
[ In the afterlife, there's always enough time, isn't there? Jacopo believes he was meant to die, then be sent to hell, so in a way he doesn't feel... Urgency. Maybe not the same as the rest. He has nothing and no one to return to, so this doesn't feel like an entire waste of time. Employees should be set up for success.
Gabriel doesn't work for him. They're more... Like friends, as prickly as the word is for him. Friends should also be set up for success. He does not know the rest at the time of this thread. ]
I do. You're stuck with us here, watching the horrors, but... There's progress as you can see.
[ Progress is progress. Progress is important to acknowledge. ]
You actually did not need to share to such specific details. It would have been fine if you were vague like you usually are.
[ If that's more comfortable. Because ultimately... He doesn't care where people come from or who they were before, instead focusing on who they are now and how they treat him. but you must hide an npc somehow ]
Thank you for telling me all of this, though I don't think it has made you feel any lighter. [ Jacopo knows that he doesn't quite feel lighter when he talks. Sometimes it just... Stays there, the heavy sludge that fills you. He's past the point of catharsis. ] I understand better why you're the way you are and the weight on your shoulders.
[ are they still like friends even when he finds out he's god 🥺
in all seriousness... there's progress, but it's slow, and not quite the same. ]
We're making some progress. And I just have to hope it's not too late for some of you. [ because there's nothing more horrifying than wondering if these things have permanently scarred someone. like how things in his own life have permanently damaged him. ]
I know I didn't. Sorry, I... you don't have to, like, think about any of that. [ he sort of was talking for the sake of explaining, because sometimes he oscillates between not sharing at all and oversharing. ] But it's not like I don't have some trust in you by now.
You're right though. I don't. [ he admits this because he knows jacopo won't take offense to it. ] It's one of those things that I don't think will ever be lighter either. I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. But that's for me to figure out after the project's over, I guess. My current goals are focused on you guys and your redemption.
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... while I was gone though, after she passed, my dad met someone else. Fell in love and decided to get married again and move us to a new town to be with his new fiancée. When I got out, I came home and found my room in boxes. Wasn't much of a choice but to keep going like... I don't know. Like nothing happened, and I was just supposed to pretend to be totally fine with the fact he not only went somewhere else entirely and met someone else but that he also changed our entire lives while making it very clear he no longer trusted me.
The place we moved to was nice enough. I was only there for about a day before I died though, so... maybe I would've liked it, or maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I never really knew how to feel.
no subject
It's difficult to find a place to belong, isn't it. Or a place to feel safe.
[ Because it sounds like Gabriel is displaced. Of course he relates... Jacopo's life had been turbulent in similar ways where he's forced to move elsewhere, abandon his life multiple times, pick himself up. Sometimes, you're lost? ]
You're here now, which I don't think has at all helped you.
no subject
because yes. that's what it boils down to. he'd told someone he wanted to go home without actually wanting to go home, and they said "it sounds like you want somewhere warm and safe", and yeah. that's it. ]
Kinda feels like I got kicked out of my own life. And even then it's like... I couldn't bring myself to care about it anymore when it felt like nobody else did either. Maybe if I had goals or if I was smart or if I could do something other than destroy my own life I'd feel differently. And... yeah. Coming here didn't help.
[ ... ]
I didn't know what to do about the move, but... there was someone I met. We were supposed to figure out how to get along, and I know she didn't want me around that night because she basically had to be a glorified babysitter to make sure my ass didn't get in trouble immediately. But she was still cool about it? We... went to this island with a couple of her friends. And then shit went bad, and then really bad, but even at its worst we were together. Ghosts, you know? Kinda ruin the mood. But we talked a lot that night, exploring the island and trying to find our way off while getting possessed and watching people die and just... bad. It was bad. But she made it better. We made a really good team, and I think she could have been...
[ trailing off, he stops for a second. ]
I left her behind. I did something stupid, and the ghosts closed in, and I fell into the void and died. I left her alone. [ a regret. ] I thought that was it, but then God found me. You know the rest. Now I work here.
[ jacopo, not actually knowing the rest at the time of this thread. ]
no subject
Gabriel doesn't work for him. They're more... Like friends, as prickly as the word is for him. Friends should also be set up for success. He does not know the rest at the time of this thread. ]
I do. You're stuck with us here, watching the horrors, but... There's progress as you can see.
[ Progress is progress. Progress is important to acknowledge. ]
You actually did not need to share to such specific details. It would have been fine if you were vague like you usually are.
[ If that's more comfortable. Because ultimately... He doesn't care where people come from or who they were before, instead focusing on who they are now and how they treat him. but you must hide an npc somehow ]
Thank you for telling me all of this, though I don't think it has made you feel any lighter. [ Jacopo knows that he doesn't quite feel lighter when he talks. Sometimes it just... Stays there, the heavy sludge that fills you. He's past the point of catharsis. ] I understand better why you're the way you are and the weight on your shoulders.
no subject
in all seriousness... there's progress, but it's slow, and not quite the same. ]
We're making some progress. And I just have to hope it's not too late for some of you. [ because there's nothing more horrifying than wondering if these things have permanently scarred someone. like how things in his own life have permanently damaged him. ]
I know I didn't. Sorry, I... you don't have to, like, think about any of that. [ he sort of was talking for the sake of explaining, because sometimes he oscillates between not sharing at all and oversharing. ] But it's not like I don't have some trust in you by now.
You're right though. I don't. [ he admits this because he knows jacopo won't take offense to it. ] It's one of those things that I don't think will ever be lighter either. I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. But that's for me to figure out after the project's over, I guess. My current goals are focused on you guys and your redemption.