[ fun! this is fun. she sort of knew some of this, just based on previous conversations and the way anders behaves, but as she watches the memory she's silent until the loop begins again. ]
... do you ever feel that Justice abandoned you while staying with you at all times? Like a shadow looming over you rather than being one in the same. [ a pause. ] It must be jarring sometimes not to know what your own hands are doing until it's already done.
... It is like being a puppet in your own body. I can see my hands, feel myself moving, even hear my own thoughts, but I have no control, no ability to change it.
[ it can be, uuuh. horrible. but he looks like he feels a little bad for talking about justice that way. ]
We made the choice together. And he does help me, in the ways that he can.
[ she's still watching the mirrors thoughtfully. ]
You were friends once. It's hard to remove that element, when you know it was something that cared for you. [ so she can see why anders has the complicated relationship he has with justice.
and so, she says: ]
... when Adam made the choice to sacrifice his free will to Cabeswater, he knew it was for the best. To prevent someone else from obtaining a dangerous power, and to awaken the ley lines. [ a pause. ] Magical roads of energy. But becoming tied to the forest meant they would use his hands, and his eyes, often to try and tell us things. Sometimes he would find himself in places and he couldn't remember how he got there. Sometimes he would feel feelings that weren't his own. And sometimes... if something was attacking Cabeswater, it would be channeled through his own hands.
In a way it can be a gift, because it's something that can help you. But at the same time, it can be a curse, because you're no longer always you.
[ there's a reason the way he describes justice is always a little bit like describing a bad, toxic boyfriend. it was a friendship, and he has a tendency to build those up into pedestals from which whoever he has put on there cannot climb down from. ]
[ no, yeah, no, she gets it. did not fully experience it herself, but has seen it first hand. ]
Yeah. He and the others have been friends for longer than I've known all of them, but he's always been a little different. [ a pause. ] A magician, really. Because of his ties to Cabeswater, he's able to do things now the rest of us can't. See things we can't either.
Not quite the same caliber as you. He was learning to communicate with it via scrying. Or the tarot cards. Cabeswater couldn't always speak like you and I can, so he had to get a bit creative. He would be able to see and feel everything the trees saw and felt.
[ a pause. ]
... it also meant that if Cabeswater was hurting, so was he. [ so again, not great. this is a comparison. ] It changed him. For better and for worse, but he was still Adam.
[ which listen i was going to give you this mem anyway, but the mirrorsdo a great job suddenly displaying that point.
also general visual of the kids (adam in red, ronan with the crew cut, gansey on the ground.) ]
this digs in like a knife - because it feels achingly familiar, if a little to the left. being puppeted in your own body, forced to hurt the things and people you care about, all while watching through your own eyes. ]
[ she's frowning because she didn't exactly want the visual to support her point, but it's fine. ]
... in the form that we knew it, it was a forest. Right on the ley line, so it was magic. It would respond to us, and it was a friend, I guess you could say. [ glancing back at the mirrors. ]
Ley lines are sacred, and they're powerful, and tainting a ley line can bring consequences. One of those consequences found its way to Cabeswater and began to taint it.
... we took care of it. [ which is not, like, really a happy thing, but it was necessary. ] We had to kill the demon ourselves, but there was only one way to do it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
... do you ever feel that Justice abandoned you while staying with you at all times? Like a shadow looming over you rather than being one in the same. [ a pause. ] It must be jarring sometimes not to know what your own hands are doing until it's already done.
no subject
[ it can be, uuuh. horrible. but he looks like he feels a little bad for talking about justice that way. ]
We made the choice together. And he does help me, in the ways that he can.
no subject
You were friends once. It's hard to remove that element, when you know it was something that cared for you. [ so she can see why anders has the complicated relationship he has with justice.
and so, she says: ]
... when Adam made the choice to sacrifice his free will to Cabeswater, he knew it was for the best. To prevent someone else from obtaining a dangerous power, and to awaken the ley lines. [ a pause. ] Magical roads of energy. But becoming tied to the forest meant they would use his hands, and his eyes, often to try and tell us things. Sometimes he would find himself in places and he couldn't remember how he got there. Sometimes he would feel feelings that weren't his own. And sometimes... if something was attacking Cabeswater, it would be channeled through his own hands.
In a way it can be a gift, because it's something that can help you. But at the same time, it can be a curse, because you're no longer always you.
no subject
Adam is a friend of yours, I take it?
no subject
Yeah. He and the others have been friends for longer than I've known all of them, but he's always been a little different. [ a pause. ] A magician, really. Because of his ties to Cabeswater, he's able to do things now the rest of us can't. See things we can't either.
no subject
A mage?
no subject
Not quite the same caliber as you. He was learning to communicate with it via scrying. Or the tarot cards. Cabeswater couldn't always speak like you and I can, so he had to get a bit creative. He would be able to see and feel everything the trees saw and felt.
[ a pause. ]
... it also meant that if Cabeswater was hurting, so was he. [ so again, not great. this is a comparison. ] It changed him. For better and for worse, but he was still Adam.
[ which listen i was going to give you this mem anyway, but the mirrors do a great job suddenly displaying that point.
also general visual of the kids (adam in red, ronan with the crew cut, gansey on the ground.) ]
no subject
this digs in like a knife - because it feels achingly familiar, if a little to the left. being puppeted in your own body, forced to hurt the things and people you care about, all while watching through your own eyes. ]
What is this Cabeswater exactly?
[ a place? ]
no subject
... in the form that we knew it, it was a forest. Right on the ley line, so it was magic. It would respond to us, and it was a friend, I guess you could say. [ glancing back at the mirrors. ]
Ley lines are sacred, and they're powerful, and tainting a ley line can bring consequences. One of those consequences found its way to Cabeswater and began to taint it.
no subject
What are you going to do about it?
[ if she's able to do anything at all. considering she's here. ]
no subject
... we took care of it. [ which is not, like, really a happy thing, but it was necessary. ] We had to kill the demon ourselves, but there was only one way to do it.