Audience - Anders

[holyspirits]

Comments

[hotfixer]

Have you had much communication after your letter?

Assuming that you sent it.

[ i am the mail guardian, guardian of the mail. but she is not she has no idea. ]

[spiritbalm]

I sent it.

He replied, and it was sincere enough, but since then hasn't communicated that much beyond more jokes and barbs.

He asked in an aside how I would feel about going with him somewhere, but I did not respond to that. Perhaps I should have, but I did not know how best to say it in a letter.

[holyspirits]

no

[spiritbalm]

[ help ]

No to what in particular?

[holyspirits]

"no" in a letter?
"no" to going with him somewhere?
and no, you shouldn't have needed to respond to him about it
i don't know man i just think if this guy can't be assed to talk to you like an adult after the shit you had to go through
going somewhere with him without support from other people sounds like a bad idea

[spiritbalm]

mm
I understand

And I think that is all I wanted. A conversation.

When we first arrived, I could not figure out if he truly even wanted me alive anymore.

[holyspirits]

isn't that all anyone wants? you can't base any sort of relationship only on jokes and vibes
you have to have some substance
and if you were already struggling to tell how he felt about you, then...
if it were me, i'd stick with people i know want me around
people i know without question would actually be there if i needed them

[spiritbalm]

I feel I've told you so much of Thedas, but only the parts that seem horrifying.

It is still my home. If I did not love it, the people there, I would not have fought for it so hard.

[configurer]

Do you want to go somewhere with him?

[spiritbalm]

No, I have already made my decision to go with Shadowheart and that was difficult enough already.

But the thought of never seeing him again is sad in itself. He would be the last part of Thedas I ever had.

[configurer]

There's always going to be people you don't see anymore. And it's never easy saying goodbye to them.

But I do think it might be better for you.

[spiritbalm]

I know.

And I needed to go somewhere I feel Justice would be safe.

[configurer]

You think Justice would be safe in Shadowheart's world, then?

[spiritbalm]

She believes so.

In many ways it sounds similar to my own. Perhaps slightly more enlightened views on magic, and more strange types of people, but similar.

I will not be here forever, and after I pass on, I would not want to put Justice somewhere where he is cut entirely from the world he is from - The Fade.

[hotfixer]

It's too big a conversation to have over letters. Maybe he wanted you to be thinking about it so you could talk about it when he gets here.

But it's also too big a question to joke about, and if everything else he has sent has been jokes...

[ she simply doesn't think that reflects well. ]

[spiritbalm]

I could not choose him over the mages before. I am already betraying some part of my values by choosing somewhere else over them.

I was hoping he would go back, he would feel some duty to them.

[hotfixer]

You chose what you felt was right in life.

And now, after that life, you can make a different choice. But it's better that this choice be for yourself, not someone else. At least not for someone who wouldn't do the same for you.

[spiritbalm]

I'd be a fugitive for the rest of my life if I went back. And that would have been worth it. But he did not want me then.

[hotfixer]

You should go where you are wanted. Where you can tell that you are wanted without having to guess.

[ and because she is reading the other branches of this conversation: ]

Even if you leave behind your home, you'll still carry its memories. You'll still have it in your heart.

[spiritbalm]

The funny part of it is if I had died years ago, if I had found myself here, the choice to leave would have been a miracle - it would have been everything I prayed for all those years. I would never have found myself hesitating for even a moment.

And now, I think I will miss a great deal of it.

[batterypack]

It's a very big decision to make in the first place, Anders. I don't think it's fair to ask something like that when you haven't even seen each other in so long. You don't know how he's changed, and he doesn't know how you've changed.

[spiritbalm]

I do not know that I've changed.

If I have, it is perhaps that I am more in control than I was when I arrived. It may or may not last. It is probably more likely to if I am not in a cursed city surrounded by the signs of my oppression at all sides slowly closing in like a bloody noose around my neck.

He did say to me that he no longer wishes to be the Champion. And while it is a decision I can understand, that is the person I fell in love with. So maybe it is true, we are two different people now.

[batterypack]

Change doesn't have to be large. You wouldn't have considered this before now, would you?
I think a lot can be said about being in an environment that knows how to care for you rather than constantly being under someone's thumb.
You deserve a chance to actually be cared for and flourish.
Did he happen to say why? That seems like a big thing to give up.

[spiritbalm]

No, but I can imagine why. It is a difficult life, to be relied upon to Champion an entire city, to lead a revolution.

It is the kind of thing that wears a person down. And perhaps dying will allow him a chance to start over.

Still, I imagine Varric will be quite upset.

[batterypack]

A lot of pressure to live up to.
Some people may feel that death is an escape, you're right.
But it's also a responsibility he has to other people.
To Kirkwall.
Who's Varric?