Then I'll hold onto that. [ sincerely, without any hint of hesitation ] If God wants to do their best for me, then... I don't need Heaven and I don't need to go back to life.
Hmm... I feel guilty for upsetting people, even though I stand by my reasoning. It's like I said when Jiao did it last week... I'd have done the same thing. I guess I proved that.
[ and nobody liked it, yves ]
I know there's a bunch of logical reasons why I shouldn't have. I'm not blind to those. But... I did want to offer, even so. Even if it was just to Anders.
[ yves just smiles then, a little sadly and squeezes ramiel's hands again ]
... I'm sorry. I don't think I'll have any reason that's good enough for you.
But... I also don't think that's a bad thing. I don't think it's wrong or incorrect, to think there's no good reason for your friend to offer up their life to die.
[ it's sweet. it's something yves does treasure, even if they might not be able to agree. he doesn't think they have to. ]
[ they sound a bit childishly sulky about this because this has not been an enlightening or comforting conclusion! they would really like there to just be explanations that make everything okay. ]
It isn't as if there is no good reason. For the greater good, sacrifices are sometimes necessary. Even the sacrifices of loved ones.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
that's the fucking insane love talking ]
Then I'll hold onto that. [ sincerely, without any hint of hesitation ] If God wants to do their best for me, then... I don't need Heaven and I don't need to go back to life.
I'd just like to be with my best friend again.
no subject
they just turn to hug yves very gently. ]
no subject
and with a little bit of awe, and a lot of joy: ]
You hugged me first this time...
no subject
no subject
If I told you that's okay... would you believe me?
no subject
But I don't think so.
no subject
It must be frustrating. I know this is the last thing that you wanted to happen.
no subject
[ a bit helplessly, because clearly that's not going as planned! ]
I don't understand why this is happening.
no subject
Is it something you've asked God already?
no subject
[ the results of which. well. they've been open about. ]
no subject
... okay. [ a little squeeze of their hands ] Then it may take time, and that's frustrating, but... I do still believe in all of you.
no subject
[ sincerely. but hey. also: ]
Even so, even if you believe that we can recover anyone lost, you shouldn't volunteer in the place of other people.
no subject
[ because not receiving even a single vote did hammer in a point to him that it wasn't helpful, and yves doesn't like causing distress for no reason ]
But... I did mean it at the time.
no subject
Offering it. Meaning it. Those don't necessarily reflect what you're thinking.
no subject
[ and nobody liked it, yves ]
I know there's a bunch of logical reasons why I shouldn't have. I'm not blind to those. But... I did want to offer, even so. Even if it was just to Anders.
no subject
no subject
I don't want to die.
But I think my situation makes it so that I'm more apathetic than others... so I did want to offer, if it'd make them feel even a little bit better.
no subject
It isn't even a certainty that your soul would end up in the same place as the other lost souls. We don't know if they're together.
no subject
[ maybe sound like you care more, yves ]
no subject
no subject
That's probably true but... do you want me to justify myself?
I think my reasoning is abnormal. I know that about myself, at least.
no subject
But I can't.
no subject
... I'm sorry. I don't think I'll have any reason that's good enough for you.
But... I also don't think that's a bad thing. I don't think it's wrong or incorrect, to think there's no good reason for your friend to offer up their life to die.
[ it's sweet. it's something yves does treasure, even if they might not be able to agree. he doesn't think they have to. ]
I'm sorry for worrying you. I won't do it again.
no subject
It isn't as if there is no good reason. For the greater good, sacrifices are sometimes necessary. Even the sacrifices of loved ones.
This, however, was far from a necessity.
no subject
I'm afraid that part of everyone being a little bit different means we might do things that are unnecessary, as a result of our emotions.
[ like anders nearly killing hawke a day early ]
I know that can be hard to accept.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)